How common is the roommate phenomenon?

Post Reply New Topic

I don't understand it. It seems to me that 'room-mates' is very common in places like Great Britain and Australia and New Zealand (called 'flat-mates' in those places) because many people I know or hear talk of 'flat-mates' there.

I know there's room-mates in Canada and USA, but for some reason it doesn't sound as widespread--there seems to be more people living by themselves (unless they are living with a BF/GF, which I don't consider to be the same as having a roommate, strictly speaking).

Those of you who did the room-mate/flat-mate thing, did you HAVE to? Were your roomies/flatmates strangers originally, or did you move in with someone you already knew?

I live alone, but tried the roommate option for a year. It was a total disaster.

The first time I moved away from home (desperate I was for some sort of rite of passage..age 19 or 20) I moved in with 2 girls I worked with...They wanted someone to help share the rent on their new apartment....big stupid mistake..I was a total outsider...object of ridicule..completely clueless...They asked me to leave so they could get a "cooler" roommate..
(Seriously )

In the US at least, I think it's most common to have room mates if you go to college. That's how I got all of mine. 4 years of college, and... *counts* a f***ton of room mates. At least 11. Almost all strangers to begin with, and two of them became best friends of mine. One was my friend beforehand. She was really messy and also insane, so it didn't quite work, but we're still friends. One only became my room mate after we became BF/GF. We lived with a couple other people for a while, but it's now just the two of us. So I guess I'd now say I'm living with my BF. I'm extra lucky, too, because he's the cleanest out of the entire 11. I wouldn't mind living with room mates again though.

I live in the US and everyone I know lives either with a roommate or a SO. It's just cheaper that way.

In the USA, the problems with a roommate is that they cramp your being independent, and if you're going to live with someone else, you might as well live with your parents. If you can find someone you are compatible with and work out a mutual respect for private space and social habits, it works well, but often it has problems.

I suppose in Europe the flatmate issue is so common there are less issues that get in the way.

I live alone and I guess I'm very lucky to be in a position to do so. I had flatmates when I was living in halls at university; most of them were pretty good people, but I had problems with one flatmate who got drunk and completely trashed the kitchen. I also lived in the YMCA for two years; these were studio flats but it was very much a community atmosphere. People often associate the YMCA with the rougher elements of society (junkies/alcoholics/ex-cons etc.), but I never had any trouble with them. I saw a lot more violence/criminal damage when I was in college -- alcohol is a lot cheaper there than it is in the real world.

We have roommates because we can't afford not to. Many of them are complete disasters. It's terrifying. Occasionally there are decent ones. Then they move away, and there are more disasters. I wish we could afford not to keep renting out rooms, but we can't. To whoever will rent, and charging the cheapest rent anywhere in the area.

I've had roommates off and on. Sometimes by choice, sometimes due to finances, something because I didn't have a choice (college and Navy). Mostly I've lived by myself, because very few people can deal with someone who gets up at 4-5 a.m. That I don't chose, but I've never been able to change it. Now it's re-enforced by my greyhounds: breakfast is at 5 a.m.

Many, many people do it to save money. I've done it to save money too but once by pure chance there was a 3 month gap between when one roomate moved out and another moved in. During those 3 months I desperately missed having another person living with me. I would keep the TV on just to hear another human voice. But I think my experience of wanting a roomate for social as well as financial reasons isn't the norm. Lots of people would live alone if they could afford it and do as soon as they can. I thought I was one of those people too until I actually did it. The loneliness was unbearable. I spent as little time as possible at home because I needed to be around people.

it is so incredibly common, you might just not be aware of it. There is everything from renting literally a room to co-letting.

it is not just done by people who can't afford, there are various reason why people can't don't want to live on their own.

Yeah, you might as well live with your parents, indeed. At least you know what you're getting.

I don't get it, though. Why is a person considered a failure if they live with their parents, but if they live with roommates they're considered successful? It makes very little sense.

To many people, living with your parents implies that you have failed to mature entirely into an adult. You are still being taken care of like a child. It is seen as a failure of maturity. If you live with roomates, they are not taking care of you. They are merely sharing expenses with you. You are required to shoulder just as much adult responsibility as they are. But with parents, even if the parents get money from the child as rent and board, they still shoulder the greater burden of adult responsibilities such as making sure there is always food in the house and making sure the electric bill has been paid.

Does this perception ever change? Yes. It changes in those situations where the parent becomes elderly or otherwise incapacitated. Then the burden of adult responsibilities is shouldered by the child. The child makes sure bills are paid and food is in the house. The child makes doctors' appointments for the parent and makes sure the parent remembers to go to them and sometimes goes along too. The child is not seen as a failure in this situation because it is clear they have suceeded in maturing and taking on adult responsibilities.

In sum, the world at large tends to see people as "success" or "failure" depending on how well they have managed to take on adult responsibilities.

The only way to not have a roommate/flatmate is to be able to afford your rent with your income alone. And if you live in an area where jobs pay well, then rents are proportionally higher. I think it's pretty rare for a person to just be able to graduate from high school and suddenly be able to afford an apartment. It's not like on television, where young, single people live in high rise apartments with doormen, or big, trendy lofts, without having to work four full time jobs to afford it. You'd have to be born into money in order to live like that, I think.

I had roommates in the Air Force(because that's how it is), and then when I got out, I couldn't find a job which paid enough for even a studio (one room), so I had to get a roommate. It was awful, because I really need my solitude.

Now I'm married. My husband makes enough money that he wouldn't need a roommate if he was single, but I'm never made that kind of money myself. Not even close.

Currently in my 7th shared house. Had about a 60% success rate of getting on well with those I lived. Hate this one though, I really wish I lived on my own. Is it normal that your house mates act friendly to you most the time and then decide to sing loudly outside your door at 4am?

I don't think I am meant to live with another person...though I hope that ultimately turns out not to be true, because I would like to get married and have children some day.

I am probably OCD when it comes to neatness (a recent development for me; I was a messy kid): if there's a dish in the sink, it has to be washed; if there's cat hair on the floor, it has to be vacuumed (mainly because I have allergies).

I currently live with my little sister (age 26) and she's a total slob. Before living with her, I lived with a friend, and she was just as much of a slob (there were also the issues of not paying for utilities, denting my car, not taking care of her two cats...and breaking my heart). If I didn't clean everything myself, it wouldn't get done and it would drive me crazy; right now, I am staring at an ironing board in the living room with a bag of makeup on top of it, and it takes every ounce of strength for me not to put it up so I can make a point to my sister that I'm not her housekeeper.

I am moving to New York in January, and I imagine that I will have to share an apartment/house; my next roommate(s) will have to pick up after themselves, or I'll go mad.