"You're too functional."

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Has anyone else ever been told that when you've mentioned ASDs or the possibility of having a ASD?

It just annoys me personally whenever people say that to me. "You're too functional". I do try to turn it into a compliment but it's like a back-handed one. It's almost like invalidating my experiences as someone who really, really struggled, and still struggles with social interaction. It's like saying to me, "No, you never had those experiences".

Why won't people believe me when I say I find social interactions stressful?

Sometimes I think it's almost a curse for me to have developed good observation and mimicry skills, because I feel like if I say that I am likely autistic at someone then they are going to throw that "too functional" comment at me. Now that I've developed these skills to get by in the world, it's a double-edged sword because people assume that I am NT when I'm not.

Maybe they do understand and they just don't care.

I feel exactly the same.

I recently had an affair (yeah, I got to the point that I even have affairs) with a girl and, when I told her I had ASD, she just thought I was pulling her leg. "But you're so self-confident". "I'm what??"

Anyway, I refuse to see it as a tragedy. I mean, of course it's frustrating, but somehow means that both you and I have done a great job, doesn't it?

No. Well, I've had too functional for autism, but not for AS a couple of times.

There's a massive difference between finding social situations stressful and not being able to interact socially (or socially appropriate for the higher functioning folk).

I know how you feel. I have developed observation and mimicry skills too. The same person who suggested i was autistic told me i cannot have AS because she met a child who does, and he screams and insults people. What she doesn't know is that i used to be like that when i was a kid. Anyway, right now i don't make those strange noises and also i try not to stim when i am in front of other people, so they wouldnot realize i have AS unless they get to know me a little better.

I'm too functional, perhaps, to be the same subspecies. Okay, that might be too far... Though I do seem to be mentally quicker than everyone around me.
Anyway, I suspect that an expert on the subject would have difficulty diagnosing me nowadays.

The only time I was ever called out on my socialization skills being to good for having AS was from someone online. Online where I'm essentially a different person in comparison to the me in real life. Though it was somewhat frustrating I see perfectly where he was coming from because I am much more NT online. Well, as much as any NT is when given the anonymity of the internet, though I'm not nearly as much an as*hole as most are.

I get that a lot too, and it really does make me feel like they don't get that it's so hard for me to make the effort to socialize. Two nights ago, I went to a house warming party and the girl I came with had to take a phone call, and I was paralyzed. I tried my best to smile as I was looking in the distance past the people. Hang on, my cat keeps walking on the

I agree, but I find it stressful because I'm trying my hardest to interact "socially appropriately". Does that make sense? It's like I am constantly on guard with myself to ensure that I am acting as socially appropriately as possible.

I'm too functional to recive a proper AS DX at least nowaday. To recive a DX you must have a "syndrome" but actually many psic think about AS as a disease, and well I feel Asperger but I don't feel "deseased", I can actually cope with all the negate aspect on my own, so the problem is that, the line is too subtle.

Classic issue of perception.

People think if your disability does not produce visible impairment, you aren't disabled.

Before I knew about AS, I would have agreed with that, but as much as society places the weight of success on the ability to connect with others in social environments, you can have disabilities that don't manifest in obvious ways.

Well here's my question: How functional are you?
If you're generally able to function, then even if you think like an aspie, you wouldn't meet the "significant impairment" part of the criteria. That's not to say that you don't suffer, or that things haven't been difficult for you. (Of course, I don't know how functional or dysfunctional you are, so I could be talking out my butt here..)
I don't know if this is still the plan, but I remember looking at information from the PDD workgroup for the DSM-V (although I think they're changing it from PDD to ASD..) and they had a "picture" of the spectrum that actually did include subclinical autism as part of the spectrum. They specified that it wasn't a diagnosable disorder if the person can function and adapt fairly well, but that it was still a part of the autism spectrum, because those people have autistic traits even without a disorder. That may also be the level somebody gets to when they get "un-diagnosed." They're still essentially autistic, but no longer meet the impairment criterion. Doesn't mean they don't have trauma issues from an aspie childhood..

Diagnosis is mostly based on impairment and what someone needs help with. Not everything that's diagnosed is a disorder anyways. Take ODD. It's the definition of adolescence. It's specifically NOT serious enough to be a conduct disorder. It means "fairly normal child having issues with adolescence." So why diagnose it? Because some people do need therapy to get through adolescence.

So unless you can benefit from some sort of service based on an AS diagnosis, most professionals would find it silly to diagnose.. unnecessary labeling. Unfortunately, there is a population that seems to think that only the "properly" labeled have gone though anything at all, but we all know that that's a load of BS.

(If you actually are really impaired, I guess this whole post didn't mean much, but you didn't specify how impaired you are.. )

Edit: Official diagnoses exist for the purpose of getting somebody to do something inconvenient or pay for something. An insurance company pays for a therapy because you have a disorder that makes that therapy necessary, a school provides special education for the same reason. So right there, if you're an adult, half the reason doctors will see for giving a diagnosis is right out the window, because there's not a school that has to pay for something based on it. Since there isn't much in the way of proven treatments either, there gets to be this "why?" about being diagnosed. Are there specific things an employer has to do for someone with AS?
The biggest reason I can think of for a diagnosis is so doctors will stop trying to bully you into therapies that aren't going to work anyways. That, and so other people will believe that you really have trouble with things. Both of those are kinda dubious reasons, mostly because they shouldn't technically exist in the first place.

Last edited by Maggiedoll on 03 Nov 2009, 2:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This is a fear of mine. I am still in the closet about my AS (in process of receiving a professional dx right now) and I am convinced no one will believe me because I am very high functioning. I think people would look upon this as a cop out or on me just being lazy or looking for an excuse as to why I don't try harder to fit in. I am so good at suppressing and "playing the part" of an NT that people don't see how much I struggle everyday.

People who don't know me well and have a very limited view of what the autism spectrum is think that i'm too functional to be autistic in any way. Mainly due to the fact that i have a job working around people(even though the whole point to me liking that sort of job is that i get to socialize in a situation with mostly clear-cut social roles and expectations) or that i speak well.. Plus their view of autism is based mostly on very severe cases. They may comment on my obvious stimming, tell me that i need to make better eye contact, and get frustrated with me when it taks a lot of explaining for me to understand something they are getting at, but then if you mention anything at all having to do with "autism" they will say that i'm just introverted. They see that i can have a conversation with them, but they don't know that that conversation i'm having with them is basically the greatest extent of my social abilities and that i'm pretty much like a small child when it comes to knowing how to make real social relationships. But, i think those who have known me for any significant length of time or beyond a very superficial level, mostly family, understand how very non-functional i am in many aspects of my life and think that it makes sense that i am on the autistic spectrum. I don't think any of my close-ish relatives has ever said that i was too functional to be autistic, because most of them suspected that there was something very "wrong" with me from the time i was around 9 or so.

I've been there in terms of being accused of being lazy all my life especially by my family which has Aspiphobia. I have in the years 1987-88 been accused of attention seeking behaviour. This is the source of permanently high anxiety that AS people have and is the fault of neurotypicals who by large now should know better. I have been told that I do not have an ASD or my mum was in 1967 by what seems now to be a witch doctor as far as ASDs are concerned. Since thought for most of my life I never had an ASD until 2003 when I was DXed. People also don't believe me or think that my issues are connected with mine, mostly they are not. If AS is a disability it is invisible and still would be a disability. A disability is not just being in a wheelchair or using a walking/white stick or dog even though most people say that it is. I see that this is often used by some neurotypicals as an excuse to be really nasty to people with Asperger syndrome and other ASDs.

Sort of. For me it's more of a 'what you see is not what you get' kinda thing. I look very normal, and can appear very normal when interacting with someone that I am very comfortable with. Someone I don't know may see me from afar and think I am not affected by any sort of disorder. As soon as they interact with me for the first time they know within seconds that I am...different, or whatever. I have tried to make this not happen, but nothing works.