Story about autisitc children and bullys

Page 1 of 2 [ 22 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

KenM
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2005
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,491
Location: Mass. USA

13 Nov 2009, 7:06 am

http://www.bostonherald.com/news/region ... id=1211566


The schools really need to do something.



Volcanic
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 9 Mar 2009
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 76
Location: Somewere...but WHERE?!?!

13 Nov 2009, 7:39 am

wow and i thought my school was bad (i get bullied almost every day), thats really bad :(



AMD
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 18 Sep 2009
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 221

13 Nov 2009, 9:33 am

Wow, that s horrible! My son's school has social skills groups that began last year. They said they would fit in "bullying" and "being led" into the social skills program, but unfortunately it did not happen. As a matter of fact, they only have this group for the lower elementary group this year, so my son does not qualify. He will get to be in it next year in middle school, but bullies happen in all grade levels. I am thankful my son is not bullied. Well, being led to do something inappropriate IS another form of bullying and he has been through that in the past. He did not know he was being bullied then. Now he isn't that easily led, but i am afraid for him when he goes to middle school.


_________________
This could get long...


Dilbert
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Mar 2009
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,728
Location: 47°36'N 122°20'W

13 Nov 2009, 1:36 pm

Quote:
The survey was prepared as part of an effort to pass legislation requiring that autistic children be taught bullying coping tactics as part of their individual educational plans.


That isn't going to work. Adults with autism have a difficult enough time overcoming social anxiety and asserting themselves. A child would have even less success coping with bullies.

The problem must be addressed at the source: stop the bullying. Send the bullies to special classes, or even segregate them to special schools.

Ownership of this problem should be with the schools, the teachers, the bullies and bullies' parents. NOT with the autistic kids or their parents.



Maggiedoll
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jun 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,126
Location: Maryland

13 Nov 2009, 1:46 pm

Is this news? I certainly would have preferred to die than go through elementary and middle school..



Dilbert
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Mar 2009
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,728
Location: 47°36'N 122°20'W

13 Nov 2009, 1:50 pm

Oh yeah that's what I was wondering too! This is news???! I thought it was pretty well understood that autistic kids are targets for bullies. Almost all of us on the forums have been bullied in school, yes.

It again goes to show the lack of autism awareness.



Xelebes
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,631
Location: Edmonton, Alberta

13 Nov 2009, 1:59 pm

Dilbert wrote:
Quote:
The survey was prepared as part of an effort to pass legislation requiring that autistic children be taught bullying coping tactics as part of their individual educational plans.


That isn't going to work. Adults with autism have a difficult enough time overcoming social anxiety and asserting themselves. A child would have even less success coping with bullies.

The problem must be addressed at the source: stop the bullying. Send the bullies to special classes, or even segregate them to special schools.

Ownership of this problem should be with the schools, the teachers, the bullies and bullies' parents. NOT with the autistic kids or their parents.


The problem is that anyone can become the bully of an autistic child so specific targeting of bullies will be more cost prohibitive than teaching rudimentary skills in avoiding the unnecessary escalation of bullying.

I will grant that punishments mixed with a little education works. I know when my brother had a principal who finally was willing to work with work with autistic people, the principal was also willing to teach the consequences of dealing with my brother.


_________________
Diagnosis: Asperger's, Tourette's

http://xelebes.wordpress.com/
My Blog


Maggiedoll
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jun 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,126
Location: Maryland

13 Nov 2009, 2:09 pm

Dilbert wrote:
Oh yeah that's what I was wondering too! This is news???! I thought it was pretty well understood that autistic kids are targets for bullies. Almost all of us on the forums have been bullied in school, yes.

It again goes to show the lack of autism awareness.

I think the "news" was that "it's so bad they want to die." I don't consider that news either.

Xelebes wrote:
The problem is that anyone can become the bully of an autistic child so specific targeting of bullies will be more cost prohibitive than teaching rudimentary skills in avoiding the unnecessary escalation of bullying.

Or even just NOT teaching things that will cause the bullying to escalate. Like that "just ignore them and they'll stop it" BS... This was an endless source of entertainment to classmates when I was in middle school, tormenting me while I desperately tried to pretend they weren't there, they found it absolutely hilarious. But that's what all the adults kept insisting I had to do..



starygrrl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Apr 2009
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 795

13 Nov 2009, 2:31 pm

Maggiedoll wrote:
Dilbert wrote:
Oh yeah that's what I was wondering too! This is news???! I thought it was pretty well understood that autistic kids are targets for bullies. Almost all of us on the forums have been bullied in school, yes.

It again goes to show the lack of autism awareness.

I think the "news" was that "it's so bad they want to die." I don't consider that news either.

Xelebes wrote:
The problem is that anyone can become the bully of an autistic child so specific targeting of bullies will be more cost prohibitive than teaching rudimentary skills in avoiding the unnecessary escalation of bullying.

Or even just NOT teaching things that will cause the bullying to escalate. Like that "just ignore them and they'll stop it" BS... This was an endless source of entertainment to classmates when I was in middle school, tormenting me while I desperately tried to pretend they weren't there, they found it absolutely hilarious. But that's what all the adults kept insisting I had to do..


Exactly.

The reality is that parents of autistic kids need to have attorneys on retainer. The MINUTE thier kid gets bullied they need to demand the immediate expulsion of the offending parties and sue the parents of the offending children. I really think that litigation will be the best policy...it will make EVERYBODY take bullying more seriously. I also think anti-bullying laws and having no-tolerance policies with regards to bullying are necessary.

PS My HS had a no tolerance policy towards bullying, first time two weeks suspension, next time a month, next time...expulsion for a year. ALOT of bullies ended up getting expelled and the school was safer for it.



Xelebes
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,631
Location: Edmonton, Alberta

13 Nov 2009, 2:36 pm

starygrrl wrote:
Maggiedoll wrote:
Dilbert wrote:
Oh yeah that's what I was wondering too! This is news???! I thought it was pretty well understood that autistic kids are targets for bullies. Almost all of us on the forums have been bullied in school, yes.

It again goes to show the lack of autism awareness.

I think the "news" was that "it's so bad they want to die." I don't consider that news either.

Xelebes wrote:
The problem is that anyone can become the bully of an autistic child so specific targeting of bullies will be more cost prohibitive than teaching rudimentary skills in avoiding the unnecessary escalation of bullying.

Or even just NOT teaching things that will cause the bullying to escalate. Like that "just ignore them and they'll stop it" BS... This was an endless source of entertainment to classmates when I was in middle school, tormenting me while I desperately tried to pretend they weren't there, they found it absolutely hilarious. But that's what all the adults kept insisting I had to do..


Exactly.

The reality is that parents of autistic kids need to have attorneys on retainer. The MINUTE thier kid gets bullied they need to demand the immediate expulsion of the offending parties and sue the parents of the offending children. I really think that litigation will be the best policy...it will make EVERYBODY take bullying more seriously. I also think anti-bullying laws and having no-tolerance policies with regards to bullying are necessary.

PS My HS had a no tolerance policy towards bullying, first time two weeks suspension, next time a month, next time...expulsion for a year. ALOT of bullies ended up getting expelled and the school was safer for it.


Simply counterproductive because you would expel everyone save for a select few. The best is to teach both parties and punish both with their offending behaviours.


_________________
Diagnosis: Asperger's, Tourette's

http://xelebes.wordpress.com/
My Blog


cyberscan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2008
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,296
Location: Near Panama, City Florida

13 Nov 2009, 2:39 pm

I wonder how many school shootings is it going to take before the system gets the message. I heard the "ignore them and they will go away" spiel many times. It doesn't work. When I had enough, I would attack the bully with whatever I needed to win the fight. After getting in trouble (yes, the ones being bullied almost always get the blame) for attacking the bullies many times, they finally got the message. I recommend those being bullied to go through the channels so to speak. Those bullied need to document what actions they have taken to deal with bullies within the system (who what when where, etc). This way, if the person being bullied needs to take drastic actions, he or she will have good evidence to use in their defense. There are plenty of techniques online that can bring a bully to a quivering mess of nerves. If the bullied uses any of these techniques, they need to not tell anyone else and make sure that the techniques do not backfire.

Schools teachers would do well to advise neurotypical students about the struggles autistic students have in understanding and interpreting social cues, etc. If these deficits are seen as disabilities such as blindness, etc. then bullies will be seen as the jerks they are. Neurotypical people don't generally accept those who trip the blind or put things in their way. This concept can also be taught about dealing with autism.


_________________
I am AUTISTIC - Always Unique, Totally Interesting, Straight Talking, Intelligently Conversational.
I am also the author of "Tech Tactics Money Saving Secrets" and "Tech Tactics Publishing and Production Secrets."


Janissy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 May 2009
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,450
Location: x

13 Nov 2009, 3:11 pm

Maggiedoll wrote:
[

Or even just NOT teaching things that will cause the bullying to escalate. Like that "just ignore them and they'll stop it" BS... This was an endless source of entertainment to classmates when I was in middle school, tormenting me while I desperately tried to pretend they weren't there, they found it absolutely hilarious. But that's what all the adults kept insisting I had to do..



That's where it is with my daughter now. My husband and I have met with the teachers various times but the bullies just slide under the radar. They do it invisibly with hisses and whispers and eye rolls and other subtle girl techniques. I'm not bothering to advise my daughter to "just ignore it" because I know that won't work (as your experience proves). I'm advising her to tell them to "stop it" it loudly- more in the hopes that a teacher will overhear than that they will actually stop. But I don't think that's going to work too well either. It can backfire into more bullying. When I was a child I could think up snappy comebacks and that stopped it. But she needs a social script to have a conversation. There's no way she can think of snappy comebacks much less prevail in a confrontation.

What I'm advising her to do most is ally herself with any other kids she sees getting teased. This is a strategy adopted routinely by bullied NT kids but it doesn't come naturally to AS kids. It did not actually even occur to her. She is very observant so I told her to observe the other children and see who else the Mean Girls are mean to. This led her to the side of an overweight girl, as she reported to me one day. "I like A. She's fat." I impressed upon her (I hope) the importance of never telling A that she is fat. There have been many threads bemoaning white lies, but this is one situation where the ability to tell a white lie- or at any rate to refrain from telling an insensitive truth- will greatly affect my daughter. She said "why can't I say she's fat? She is. I like her". Hopefully I explained well enough. I am in fear that she'll blurt out something about A's weight and A- who takes a load of crap from the Mean Girls which is why she's my daughter's ally- will see my daughter as a betrayer: one more person she thought was her friend but who is giving her crap about her weight just like the Mean Girls. I fear this since it seems fairly likely.

Getting the school to stop the Mean Girls? Not likely. But at least I've raised some sort of huff. And other parents of kids in the SPED program want the school to do some education in the classroom to make bullying shameful- making it as shameful to tease anybody as it would be to push a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs.



Janissy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 May 2009
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,450
Location: x

13 Nov 2009, 3:13 pm

cyberscan wrote:
Schools teachers would do well to advise neurotypical students about the struggles autistic students have in understanding and interpreting social cues, etc. If these deficits are seen as disabilities such as blindness, etc. then bullies will be seen as the jerks they are. Neurotypical people don't generally accept those who trip the blind or put things in their way. This concept can also be taught about dealing with autism.


This is a strategy myself and other parents of kids in the SPED program are pushing the school to do. It seems the most likely to actually work.



Xelebes
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,631
Location: Edmonton, Alberta

13 Nov 2009, 3:45 pm

cyberscan wrote:
I wonder how many school shootings is it going to take before the system gets the message.


Most, if not all school shooters are not autistic. Many teachers don't recognise when an autistic person is getting bullied or taken advantage of (aka bullied.)


_________________
Diagnosis: Asperger's, Tourette's

http://xelebes.wordpress.com/
My Blog


Maggiedoll
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jun 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,126
Location: Maryland

13 Nov 2009, 3:54 pm

Xelebes wrote:
cyberscan wrote:
I wonder how many school shootings is it going to take before the system gets the message.


Most, if not all school shooters are not autistic. Many teachers don't recognise when an autistic person is getting bullied or taken advantage of (aka bullied.)

I don't think cyberscan was saying that the school shooters were autistic.. just that the school officials refuse to do anything while the bullying is going on, and then act all surprised when somebody finally explodes, as though there was no way they could have seen it coming or done anything. And then they continue to do nothing while bullies make other kids lives a living hell. It's not only autistic kids that are bullied like that. It just happens to autistic kids very frequently. I think usually the kids end up suicidal rather than homicidal, but it's the same general phenomenon, whether it's turned outward or inward.
School officials tend to have this syndrome of almost deliberately allowing something to get to a breaking point and then acting as though they have no responsibility when something actually breaks.



cyberscan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2008
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,296
Location: Near Panama, City Florida

13 Nov 2009, 5:07 pm

Maggiedoll wrote:
Xelebes wrote:
cyberscan wrote:
I wonder how many school shootings is it going to take before the system gets the message.


Most, if not all school shooters are not autistic. Many teachers don't recognise when an autistic person is getting bullied or taken advantage of (aka bullied.)

I don't think cyberscan was saying that the school shooters were autistic.. just that the school officials refuse to do anything while the bullying is going on, and then act all surprised when somebody finally explodes, as though there was no way they could have seen it coming or done anything. And then they continue to do nothing while bullies make other kids lives a living hell. It's not only autistic kids that are bullied like that. It just happens to autistic kids very frequently. I think usually the kids end up suicidal rather than homicidal, but it's the same general phenomenon, whether it's turned outward or inward.
School officials tend to have this syndrome of almost deliberately allowing something to get to a breaking point and then acting as though they have no responsibility when something actually breaks.


Maggiedoll, you explained my point exactly. Thanks :-)


_________________
I am AUTISTIC - Always Unique, Totally Interesting, Straight Talking, Intelligently Conversational.
I am also the author of "Tech Tactics Money Saving Secrets" and "Tech Tactics Publishing and Production Secrets."