Do you wish you had what others have?

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I guess at times I have jealousy. I have a friend in College and when I think of her I think of her in Kindergarden and us seeing movies together and we'd play with action figures. She has "grown up" I haven't My mom is fixing to change jobs perhaps and my sister is married with a husband/child. HELL I've never had a boyfriend! OR Kissed a GUY OR dated!! !! and NO! I don't have friends!! ! It comes so easy for them and yet there behaviors complex me. Why they get upset over some things or the whole College student mentality (partying,socializing) I'm not like them and at times it's discouraging. Does anyone agree? I'm not sure if I want to Facebook this friend I think *great almost in tears now* due to jealousy. I even chose not to go to my older sister's graduation one year aswell as skip all the little sister's school functions. Does anyone get where I'm coming from?

nope

I hear you. I feel the same exact way. I never had a date before in my life, never felt love. But, you know, somehow I have survived this craziness called 'autism'. I guess I'm happy by myself right now, so I'm going to wait for that someone.

This was one of the things that kept me from joining Wrong Planet. The drawback to meeting other people with the same problems as you is that you can no longer use your condition as an excuse for your personal failings.

I don't tend to care that I don't have a girlfriend but having few friends is just BORING.

sorry, i meant couples having kids at 24 years of age

not really. i worked hard to get myself to the level i am. even though i am currently "burning out" i still think it has been worth it.

No. Sure, it'd be fun to own an RPG-7 or something and shoot up wrecked cars on the property, but I can live without one.

I could live relatively happily without friends and sex partners. It's my cognitive/memory (real.....or as most who know me claim....including all the psychologists who've tested me ....imaginary) issues and subsequently, my grinding poverty, that make my life a living hell.

Unlike alot of you Aspies (I *only* have NLD) I don't have the luxury of 10 PhD's or something. I have the luxury of an AA degree in liberal arts which took me 8 years to receive. I have the luxury of knowing that even this meager educational achievement is grossly undermined by the fact that I had to take course substitutions for math. I couldn't even conquer introductory algebra and I dropped it twice. All of this would at least be understandable if my WAIS scores were below average and i've taken five in the past 17 years. Aside from the first one I received at 23 which placed my FSIQ at 94 (VIQ-104/PIQ-82)....ALL my other FSIQ scores since then have been in the high average-very superior range. The last test I took three years ago yielded an FSIQ of 143 (VIQ-155/PIQ-111.) Even the results on the other three tests placed my VIQ IQ in the 120's and my PIQ at 94/100/102 respectively. All of these tests were administred by credible psychologists. I realize none of these results (with the exception of the most recent test perhaps) are very impressive compared to those of you Aspie elites who score (by your own accounts at least and considering what many of you have achieved, I really don't doubt your claims) 160 or something. Nonetheless...there are countless people (NLDers included) with scores even lower than mine who manage to get advanced degrees in accounting, physics, nursing, computer science...you name it.

In any event.....I can't even say i'd take the social problems many aspies/auties/NLDers have in exchange for their (seemingly so at least if all you Einsteins on WP are a good representation of the AS/NLD/HFA community as a whole) intellectual gifts. I have the social problems as well...in abundance. Yep.... I had to be one of the rare folks "on the spec" with the worst of both worlds!! !

To add insult to injury....I have an ENORMOUS passion for countless academic subjects. I have been romanticizing the entire college/university experience since I was a young child. I would sell my soul to be the eccentric professor-type who haunts the leafy campus of some university in New England for 50 years. This accursed brain of mine had to rob of me of my loftiest dreams and even all my lesser ambitions to boot. It's as if I have the soul of an intellectual that's been imprisoned inside the brain of a mentally ret*d person. If there is such a thing as Karmic retribution and reincarnation...maybe I was a genius serial killer/sadist in my past life who prided themselves on their intellect. I am an old man now....all my hopes and dreams are long dead. The only thing i'm hoping for now is an answer. I am dying to know if the root of my lifelong problems has more to do with some fixed neuropsychological deficit/s I can do nothing about or if things could've been different with more effort, perseverance, motivation, better judgements, etc...on my part.

After decades of intense self-scrutiny...I tend to believe the former and everyone else believes the latter. No one doubts I have a neuropsych deficit which generally fits the NVLD criteria. It's just that everyone claims i've exaggerated it's impact to titanic proportions. I find this impossible to believe myself based both upon my years of self-observation and rational self-interest. That is....I must ask why ANYONE would want to live this way if they had any other choice, even a less-than ideal one.

Yup... I'm a pathetic loser who can't do much of anything.