This thread is interesting. I'm not all that susceptible to meltdowns, but I'm only mildly on the spectrum, if at all. But my son does have meltdowns sometimes, and I see how it wears him out. A lot of what is written here, as well as the thread about getting frustrated when you get interrupted, sounds so much like my son. Some days he can handle certain challenges with no problem, and everything is fine. Other days, especially if he's feeling hungry or a little physically unwell, he's very, very fragile.
I've learned that if he's having a meltdown, I need to be very quiet and gentle with him, and maybe find him something that he likes to eat. It's so easy to snap back at him, though. He's a sweet, mild-mannered person, but during a meltdown, he snaps like an injured animal, and if I'm not prepared for it, I can snap back before realizing that's making it worse. Before I knew about AS, people would say things like, "Oh, you shouldn't allow him to get away with acting like that. You need to show him that you are in charge." I always suspected that, in times like that, he really couldn't help it. So, getting the AS diagnosis was wonderful, because it took the social pressure off of me to yell at him when he was having a meltdown.
What's hard is that, when he's having a meltdown, he can't bear for anyone to talk to him, BUT, he keeps asking questions and demanding responses.
"Why the bloody hell is the computer going so slow!! !???? ANSWER ME!! !!"
"Well, it could be...."
"SHUT UP!! !! !!"
Sometimes it makes me angry when he's like that, but I try not to let it. If he's talking like that, he's in meltdown mode, and can't really help it at the moment. He's usually very sweet and polite.