Is it the norm to become friends w/ those who are like you?

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As in, they are on the spectrum or even having another disability?

Ever since the 3rd grade (which happens to be when my son was diagnosed with ASD), he has been friends with kids who display themselves as a bit odd. In the 3rd grade, he was friends with a boy who was a bit odd, who talked to himself out loud and who misunderstood certain things. Then we moved and he became friends with a boy who he said nobody liked and he had no friends. He is disruptive to the class. I know he has an IEP because my son says he would go to the resource room, social skills and speech classes with him. Then this year, he added another boy to his circle of friends. This boy is thought of as a bully. He pissed my son off end of last year and my son was chasing him, ready to fight him. Well, now they are friends. This boy, too has an IEP and he was in 1/2 mainstream 1/2 inclusion class last year and again this year. Another kid who disrupts, but this one bullies other kids (according to my son). I think this 2nd boy falls on the spectrum. The first may, and if he does, he is around the level my son is.

So anyway, does this normally happen? ASD kids becoming friends with other kids who are more like themselves? Like being draw towards them? Or just a coincedence?

In general, people become friends with others who accept them, have enough common ground, etc. For Aspies, others with that condition will tend to be more accepting of our quirks, especially when younger. Possibly the same for some other disabilities, too. I'd be friends with 'normal' people, if they'd be friendly to me...!

Well, I often found myself to be in the company of the "misfits" and "oddballs". I found these people to be much more forgiving of my quirks than the "normal" crowd.

Two of my current friends are on the Autism Spectrum, and my fiance has Mild Schizoid-Type Personality Disorder, or possibly Paranoid Schizophrenia.
I have a few other friends and acquaintances who are obviously not NT, as well.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Most likely yes they to become friends with, obviously they all have something in common as you have seemed to have mentioned and they all can relate to each other in some way, maybe he was friends with them because he was lonely and wanted to make the other person feel happy by being their friends. As it seems like it to me.

[Edit:]I was also in this situation in the past when I got transferred to a new school, all the other NT didn't really wanna accept me as a friend apart from my sisters friends but I dont really hang out with them, the only friends i was managed to make was to be friends with someone who has autism... (it sucked being autistic)

Neurotypical minds talk about each others' faults and flaws (behind each others' backs), they compete when they claim to be cooperating, they lie to each other, they use and manipulate each other, they take credit for each others' ideas and accomplishments, and other than sniping and backbiting their conversation consists primarily of blather about clothing, sports (professional or their childrens'), celebrities, religion (theirs), political views they've learned from watching standup comedians or fundamentalist ministers, dieting and people and things they hate. Yawn.


Geeks and social outcasts talk about science, history, comic books, toys, science fiction and horror movies, music, art, philosophy, literature, religion (all of them - the more exotic the better), space exploration, comedy, computers, politics developed from a predilection for social justice (and occasionally wild conspiracy theories),electronics and technology and myriad other obscure interests and side-subjects, almost always with zero malice of any kind.

Assuming your IQ is above double digits, who would you rather hang out with?

It's a factor but nothing more than that. In elementary school I had two close friends that in one way or another were misfits, but I'm pretty sure neither had AS.

People tend to be friends with people who are like them or who have the same personality as them. For example, I have heard that idiots tend to be friends with other idiots. Outcasts tend to be friends with other kids who are also outcasts and they are all different too.


But I know this isn't always the case. I have been friends with jerks before and I have had a few normal friends growing up. Then when I started meeting men online, they all seemed to have problems and seemed weird in their own ways just by what they said about themselves and their problems. I seemed to be a target to finding these people. Then mom told me lot of people find dates online because they are insecure about the real world or have problems themselves and most people find dates in the real world, not online.

I didn't even think of acceptance from kids who have their own quirks. You know, i just learned that my daughter, who is in kindy and has a speech impairment, is not playing with kids from her class. She is playing with kids who are from the inclusions class (i don't know the proper word for the special class?). They like her and she likes to play with them. They are older than her. These are almost the only ones who will play with her. My daughter is not on the spectrum, but with her speech delay, her dr thinks she chooses not to play with kids because she has probably been rejected by them. She came home a few times with different rude things kids had said to her. Yesterday she said a girl purposely spilled milk on her skirt, so she screamed. Kids can be so mean! I guess the kids with issues, seem to accept her than the others in her own class.

Now, my son, who is pretty lucky right now, is popular. He can be friends with anyone. No one has made fun of him (that i know of or that my son knows of). When i see other kids after school, they say hey to him, give him high fives or handshakes. I think my son is actually managing to fit right it. I can see how he tightens up and drops his usual hyper face when they come around. So that is why i was wondering, because the kids do seem to accept him, but he chooses these other kids who are just like him. (nothing wrong with that!) I just hope he does well in middle school next year. He will be seeing some kids he had in 3rd grade from another school, who have called him handicap, even before he had an evaluation.

The irony I have noticed in my childhood was I was able to relate to kids in special ed and connect with them and I was liked. I fit in well. But in regular ed, I was an outcast and I had difficulty relating to them and very few liked me.

Mine is only double digits, a 98. And I'm in college. I don't think it means that I'm dumb, but I feel dumb for just having a 98 IQ.

I have noticed over the years that my most fulfilling friendships have been with people that have been on the spectrum, thought to be on the spectrum, or who had similar disorders or personalities. One of my closest friends growing up had "borderline autism" and severe ADHD. My best friend in high school was also labeled as having "borderline autism", ADHD and oppositional defiance disorder. My best friend through college and after high school suffers from clinical depression and HFA/AS. My other real close friend has Manic Depression, but exhibits some signs of AS.

I have had acquaintanceships with some NTs (mostly through church and work). These people are mostly older than me, so it seems akward for me to develop real close friendships with them.

As I get older, I would like to meet a person "on the spectrum" so I can have a close friend to share things and time with. Somebody just to pick up the phone and blow the breeze. People do not advertise their AS as they get older so it makes it all the more difficult.

But ain't that an average IQ though? I'd never really considered taking the IQ tests but I know for sure that I will fail miserably on a maths question as i'm not very good with maths.

But I kinda don't get it? It's doesn't seem to be part of the topic?

Not only is it the norm, but it's actually the preferred scenario.

The minute my (now) husband and I met, we were almost inseparable. Turns out we're both on the spectrum, as is one of our daughters. People used to say how we were like we were in our own little world. I guess maybe we were. The rest of the world made no sense to us and so we made our own space where we felt comfortable and where we could really enjoy the things that made us laugh, etc.

Truthfully, I cannot imagine being married to an NT. Not only would I expect a lot of stress that I don't currently have in my relationship, but I can't imagine it being as much fun. Life, I mean. Life with my husband is great.

So yes, in my opinion, it's great to seek others like ourselves in some way. It's always good to have someone who "gets" you.

Oh, definitely! Most typical people really bore me because, while they're usually decent enough people, they don't like anything I like, and I don't like anything they like. There are a few who I've made friends with, who are generally interested in something I also like; or who aren't truly typical because they're a little eccentric (for example, an NT woman I know because she runs a cat shelter out of her house, for seventy-some cats!). I like odd people of all sorts because I like different perspectives. Most of the time when you read a book, watch a TV show, or participate in an Internet forum, you're getting the NT perspective. The twenty-some percent of us who can't be called typical tend to have ways of thinking and doing things that I haven't seen before. I like that.

Someone said something about talking to people with IQs in triple digits, and that got me down.