Do you NOT have an eye contact issue?

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zeldapsychology
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04 Dec 2009, 4:27 pm

I hear this as a trait with Asperger's but I don't have it except on rare occasions where my dad will be talking to me in the truck and he'll say "look at me when I'm talking to you" I guess I kind of ignore him. So does anyone else do this and would this fit into the eye contact issue or is it more all the time kind of issue which I DON'T have. IMO I make pretty good eye contact. :-)



Elementary_Physics
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04 Dec 2009, 4:31 pm

Unfortunately, I do have this problem :roll: - People make a bigger deal about it then they should.



04 Dec 2009, 4:36 pm

I have no problem looking at people when I feel comfortable. It's weird I know. I can look at their faces. Then other times I find it difficult to do even if I am not shy. But when I am shy, then I don't look at people.
My teacher did tell me back in October to look at her and that was annoying. I looked at her and then back down again. I didn't feel comfortable looking at her face. This was on the same day when I said I wasn't the only one who misunderstood her and she told me I needed to keep quiet and I say too much. I made a thread about that here once and someone told me it was because I corrected her and she didn't like it and she didn't like how I pointed out her mistake. I just wanted her to know I wasn't the only one and I wasn't not listening. I just don't like to be falsely accused.



amazon_television
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04 Dec 2009, 4:40 pm

I have no problem with it when I'm listening to people. When I'm talking on the other hand, it's extremely difficult for me to make eye contact.


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elderwanda
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04 Dec 2009, 4:48 pm

amazon_television wrote:
I have no problem with it when I'm listening to people. When I'm talking on the other hand, it's extremely difficult for me to make eye contact.


I suppose this is how I am. If I look at someone while I'm trying to talk, I lose track of what I was saying. I don't look at people a whole lot when they are talking, but I'm pretty sure that I at least glance at them often enough to be socially acceptable. I don't remember anyone ever giving me a hard time about my lack of eye contact, but maybe that's because the important people in my life are also people who don't do a lot of eye contact. Like my mother. She looks away while she's talking to you. She's not shy or insecure, by any stretch of the imagination. She's just thinking about what she wants to say.



marshall
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04 Dec 2009, 4:50 pm

I don't know if I have this issue or not since I don't really pay attention. I think I give enough eye contact to let the person know my level of interest and how I'm feeling. I'm certain that I use less eye contact than the average person though since I have to look away from a persons face in order to think.



Willard
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04 Dec 2009, 5:05 pm

I do it as much as I feel is necessary under the circumstances, to let the other person(s) know I'm actually listening and registering what they're saying, but I'm never really comfortable with it, I do it for their benefit only. The more comfortable I am with them, the less I feel the need to pander to their social insecurities (NAs think you're ignoring them if you aren't staring at them in rapture while they speak).

What irritates me is that its considered some gesture of submission to look elsewhere during communication and that's the furthest from the truth. I'm not avoiding staring at people because I'm intimidated - I'm avoiding the distraction of their flapping lips and gesticulating eyebrows, so I can concentrate on what's being said. Otherwise, they'd finish a two minute monologue, awaiting a response and I'd end up saying: "I have no idea what you just said, but do you realize how much you resemble one of those singing fish when you talk?"

Of course eye contact is very useful in getting humor across. Many remarks intended to be facetious and mildly sarcastic come off as cold and mean if you don't convey the tease with your eyes when you say it. Gets me in trouble here frequently. Thank God for emoticons. :wink:



SpiritBlooms
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04 Dec 2009, 5:19 pm

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I have the most trouble when I'm talking, but it can also be a distraction when listening. It's worse when I'm tense. There are some people it's easier with, too. My father-in-law used to have this penetrating gaze that was actually painful for me to maintain when listening to him. It felt as if he was mentally boring holes in my head, honestly. But he was a person you didn't argue with, rather controlling.

When I was in high school I noticed in class, while listening to a teacher, that I would have trouble knowing where to look -- at their mouth or their eyes, and if their eyes, I would think, which eye? This perplexed me for a long time, and obviously when distracted by those thoughts I didn't understand much of the lecture.



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04 Dec 2009, 5:25 pm

amazon_television wrote:
I have no problem with it when I'm listening to people. When I'm talking on the other hand, it's extremely difficult for me to make eye contact.


This applies for me, too. I've always had trouble with eye contact, and that's actually one of my many traits that led the adults in my life to be concerned about me when I was a child. With the possible exception of a few people I'm especially comfortable with, I tend to instinctively look away when I'm talking to someone. If I try to force myself to look people in the eye, it's much harder to concentrate on what I'm saying.
Oddly enough, this isn't as much of an issue with preschooler I work with. For some reason, I find it easier to make eye contact with young children than I do with older children and adults.


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danace2000
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04 Dec 2009, 5:47 pm

Yes and No, I'm fine most of the time, but I do find it difficult knowing when to look and when not too or when to stop, one thing I have done in the past when feeling awkward with eye contact if to blur my vision/de-focus, which makes me feel less awkward.



ottorocketforever
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04 Dec 2009, 6:03 pm

I had a serious problem with it when I was a child, but grew out of it. :)



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04 Dec 2009, 6:03 pm

I have no issue with not making eye contact. I just don't look people in the eyes when I converse with them. I look at the top of their heads so that I will not be too uncomfortable.


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kip
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04 Dec 2009, 6:18 pm

I've learned to stare at noses and eyebrows, mainly because of my dad shouting at me to look at him all the time. It's enough to fool most people, except the most observant. I learned this trait though, so I'm not sure if it counts as not having eye contact issues.


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04 Dec 2009, 6:25 pm

kip wrote:
I've learned to stare at noses and eyebrows, mainly because of my dad shouting at me to look at him all the time. It's enough to fool most people, except the most observant. I learned this trait though, so I'm not sure if it counts as not having eye contact issues.



I do that except I stare at their mouths or nose or hair or ears or just their face or at something ugly they have on their face like a mole. That's why I find it so easy now. I think that's fake eye contact. Eye contact is an excuse to look at fat people or something ugly on them. Hey it's eye contact at least :lol:



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04 Dec 2009, 6:49 pm

I had a problem as a child, but outgrew it for a while. Though, lately, because of my fairly isolated lifestyle, I've regressed.



Mdyar
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04 Dec 2009, 7:32 pm

amazon_television wrote:
I have no problem with it when I'm listening to people. When I'm talking on the other hand, it's extremely difficult for me to make eye contact.


Ditto here at this point in my life.
I lose my thoughts easily due to this distraction.

I was uncomfortable with eye contact when I was younger though , with anyone I didn't know well .

Funny thing now ; recently I had a flashback of the 'fear' when I gazed into someones eyes whom I've known for several years.
I don't know why this happened ,but I know I was very tired and this must have triggered this 'fear response' from the past.
It bewildered me at the time because it's a longtime a co-worker of mine and the circumstances were very relaxed .