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Toucan
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04 Dec 2009, 3:41 pm

My son has Aspergers as well, and he's in trouble again for touching another student inappropriately. I know that when I was a child, I was often in trouble for biting one girl's braid (sensory seeking behavior). I have to meet with the principal in a few minutes, because my son touched another child in a private area (outside the clothing) for the third time. I'm not sure how to handle this.

I don't remember what worked with me as a child. Does anyone have any experience with this type of thing? Perhaps someone knows what might cause this, and how to stop it. We know he hasn't been touched by anyone, as he is very honest and blunt, and has been questioned.

Any help/insight would be appreciated.

For now, I'm just dealing with anxiety over the impending meeting. I don't do well with face to face meetings.



CockneyRebel
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04 Dec 2009, 3:53 pm

I used to grab hold of my youngest cousin's penis, who was almost two years older than me, at the time, when I was 7. One day, he finally told me that he was going to tell my mum on me. That stopped me, right in my tracks, and i never did that, again. :oops:


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04 Dec 2009, 4:13 pm

Have you tried social stories? I am sure you can find one on the net about inappropriate touching.


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04 Dec 2009, 4:21 pm

The school has tried that, and we tried a few. He doesn't really focus on them. He has ADHD as well. I almost started getting emotional as she was talking to him, because I saw so much of me in him. I know it's illogical, but I feel guilty about my genetics at times. The principal was talking to him about his poor choices, and he was focusing on the clips on the wall. After she finished speaking, they were all he would talk about.



04 Dec 2009, 4:23 pm

I used to have my brothers try and sniff me down there and then I was trying to get my dad to touch me down there.
I could not understand why having my brothers sniff me down there or why my dad didn't want to rub me down there because it was another body part. No different than touching my legs or arms or butt or head or face.
My parents had to keep yelling at me and giving me lectures about it and I got so sick of having to listen to all that and being yelled at, I stopped. But with me trying to get my dad to grab me down there, mom came to my room one day and told me how upset my dad is and she told me it's very naughty to touch me down there and he would go to jail if he touched me down there and I'd never see him again. I never made him touch me down there again because I didn't want him to go to jail. I wanted my dad.

Of course I know touching butts is wrong too but back then I didn't know that.



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04 Dec 2009, 5:52 pm

LOL When I was about 6 I was explaining to my naked younger brother who was 4 that his testicles were where "the pee was kept". Completely innocent. My mother happened by and said those were his,not mine. But the OP's situation sounds more problematical. Not for the same situation but there have been times I've just had to tell my son something wasn't appropriate and if he didn't understand that was just too bad, his actions would still have consequences. For example, I don't sweat the occasional swear word but he knows if he uses such a word to one of his teachers there will be trouble.


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04 Dec 2009, 5:54 pm

When I was in elementary school, it was the bullies who'd go around grabbing other boys in the crotch just to physically hurt them. Usually there was some crude verbal joke that went along with the humiliation, but not once did any school official ever do anything about it, and it happened so often they had to know about it. Hell, another kid bashed me a home run slug in the b@lls with a baseball bat in the third grade and not one teacher came out to find out why I was writhing on the ground unable to breathe. No crying in baseball, my @ss. :wink: And they thought I was odd for never wanting to participate in group sports with the other children...

Times change, huh? :P



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04 Dec 2009, 8:02 pm

I used touch my penis all the time. I would reach my hand and touch it. I would also sniff my brother, dad, and moms, butt while they were watching TV and I remember the order went like this, my bro's butt was the smelliest and mom intermediate and my dad's wasn't smelly at all.



KevinLA
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04 Dec 2009, 8:14 pm

Tell the principle he has AS and has social difficulties.



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04 Dec 2009, 10:18 pm

Let's remember that so called "inappropriate" touching is not limited to the AS community. I think perhaps the ASers, especially children, if not actually more curious about body parts and functions than typical children. are more compulsive or impulsive and far less restrained in their determination to explore and get to the bottom of things, no pun intended.

Some children. both AS and NT, tend to better understand the consequences of this behavior which squelches their curiosity and leads them to conduct such investigations or experiments in secret. So I think that all children behave in this way, some overtly and others covertly, depending on their understanding and fear of the consequences and their level of impulse control.

And, as we can see from some of the previous posts, even as young adults, AS people show an openness and an innocence to answer questions of this nature openly and honestly without shame or hesitation, which I find extremely refreshing and charming.



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04 Dec 2009, 10:38 pm

KevinLA wrote:
Tell the principle he has AS and has social difficulties.


They know this, and that's why they're working toward a plan to help. The other student's parents are very angry.

My son was still suspended for two days. It's frustrating.



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05 Dec 2009, 7:57 pm

My sister and I took turns sniffing each others' butts, when we were little.


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05 Dec 2009, 9:37 pm

There are several reasons why he could be doing this:

-He could have realized that it feels good to be touched down there, and he could be touching his peers to find out if it feels good for them also. Since he has Aspergers, he may not have realized that it is socially inappropriate to do so.

-He could have been touched in the private area by other classmates and is in a way "returning the favor" by proxy. It's actually somewhat common for sexual harassment of this type to happen between elementary school peers. In your son's mimicking of this behavior, he could be failing to realize that some classmates are more likely to tell the teacher than others.

-He could have done it accidentally the first time, and then decided to do it again because of the uproar it caused and the attention he received from it.

-He could have seen people touch each other in that way on the TV and decided to mimic their behavior.

----

My recommendation would be to take him to a therapist - he has obviously gotten this idea from somewhere, and this may be a more serious problem than it seems.



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06 Dec 2009, 5:48 pm

He explained why he did it.

The boy he hit between the legs, had been hit there earlier in the year. The other kids laughed, and they found it amusing the child called his "private part". The child who did the initial touching did not get in trouble, and received positive feedback from his peers, in the form of laughter.

Zachary said he wanted to see the other kids happy again, and he thought that wording was funny (private parts). He didn't learn after the first incident, and did it again.

It had already been discussed with the family doctor, and he did not learn it from someone touching him, just what he witnessed in school.

I must admit I'm angry, both for my son, and for that other boy. They KNEW it was an issue, and they know about my son's disability. Yet, they allowed these two boys to be close again, and not properly supervised.

My son now has a two day suspension (in 1st grade), and the other child has had to deal with being humiliated yet again.



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06 Dec 2009, 10:15 pm

I got in trouble for it once in elementary...a couple of kids who I thought were my friends swore that I'd grabbed them, but I didn't :x

Really upset me that they'd lie about me like that for no reason, but they swore up and down that they were telling the truth :x


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