I'm considering giving up on getting my lisence

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i've been trying to learn how to drive well enough to get my driver's lisence for 2 years now and failed the test twice. i have this feeling that i'll never pass the test. it doesn't help that i have asperger's/hfa in combination with adhd and anxiety.

my mom wants to me to try one more year but i don't honestly think i'll improve much over the year. i can't help cry about my inability to drive. i'm afraid i'll never be able to live on my own because of my 'bad' driving

There is a saying:

"The things that are worth doing in life, are never easy."

it is inevitable, the more you practice the better you will get.
even if you have autism.

You should get lessons from a driving instructor. They're fairly pricy tho going upwards of 300 dollars for three two-hour lessons. If this is out if your financial capabilities however I'd recommend asking your mother for lessons and if you have friends who drive you should ask them for lessons too. Remember to start on a fairly empty road so you learn when to start turning your steering wheel and brake.

yes my mom's the one who's teaching me how too drive but i felt like i made little improvement. she often has tooo intervene and i still struggle with intersection and sometimes slow down/brake in one when i shouldn't, and she's ften has to yell at me to point out a mistake. i have this bad feeling i'll never pass the test. i've done well over 50 hours but yet i suck and braking plus i panic when i think a car might be going into the intersection on the road perpendicular to the one i'm on even if it's my turn to go. plus i'm too slow.

Soomander makes a good point. Driving Instructors are professionals, whereas your mother isn't. They know things that the rest of us don't, and could probably help you with driving stress. I first took driving lessions with my step-father, who is a jerk, and then in high school with a hopeless incompetent. I finally got my driver's license when I was 19.

i don't have money to keep hiring instructors for the long term. my parents can barely afford to pay the mortgage on the 2-bedroom house my family and i live in. so unfortunately i have to share my bedroom with my younger brother and sister.

also i'm 21 years old currently

If you do get an instructor, make sure the person is friendly and approachable, and tell them about your autism. I did a brief stint with an instructor when I was eighteen, but it was really horrible because the guy was an a**hole; an ex-cop and an ex-marine, who would snap at me and get irritated when I made mistakes, and claimed I should be better than I was because I'd had my permit for three years by that time (despite doing virtually no driving with it up to that point). He made me feel worthless and caused me to hate driving all the more. I did eventually get my license though, at the age of 21, and I'm sure you will too, just don't give up. My freedom has widened considerably now that I'm able to get myself where I need to go.

in my case i've had practice since i was 19 (when i first got my permit) but i'm still horrible. i've have at 75 hours if not more

I didn't get my license until a few years ago for this reason. Takes a lot of practice, and I still struggle with driving but it's worth it in the end unless you have really nice public transportation or it's easy to get around by bike or something.

I had exactly the same experience. I went to a licensed private 'driving school'. Some of the driving instructors were ridiculous. They were rude, made nasty comments to belittle me and one of them even spat out of the window while I was driving. They could put you off driving. You have to pick a courteous/friendly/approachable instructor.

When you are not used to something, it feels overwhelmingly difficult but if you persevere and get used to it, you will realize it's not that bad. You probably put too much pressure on yourself. Even if it takes you a bit longer to learn, there's nothing wrong with that. Anxiety does make things seem far more difficult than they actually are. You should try to practice at your own pace without feeling pressured. I was feeling exactly the same before I got my license but I did eventually get my license (although I stopped driving many years ago).

but it's taking too long for me and i have this bad feeling i'll never pass especially since i did worse on the second time i took the test. i almost got hit trying to make a simple lane change.

I just got my permit back (I had let it lapse several years ago, and only last month was I able to re-pass the written test).

I've been debating professional instructor vs. having friends help...tried the latter before, I kept getting scared and screwing up (I will always remember the time I drove my friend's Explorer up on a planter in front of a Burger King - no damage, thank goodness ). The "school" in my area costs close to $500 - I figure I'll use a credit card, but I want it to be worth it....

Thinking maybe I should check them out first...I need a professional who will act professionally, not like a jerka**.

ok i've decided to give up learning how to drive. it's not like i'll ever be good enough to get my lisence

Pity. I'm sure you can do it but if it's too stressful and it's not absolutely essential, then you shouldn't really force yourself to do it. You can always try again at a later time, if you feel up to it.

I ended up giving up driving because driving is too stressful (possibility of an accident, aggressive drivers around etc). I do keep renewing my license but now I don't remember how to drive.

It took me quite a while to learn how to drive. I first took lessons when I was 17 and didn't like it, but I also didn't know how to communicate with my instructor so he'd say stuff like- how did that feel? And I just didn't really answer because I was like, I don't know did I get it right, wrong? What's going on here?

I started trying again when I was maybe 20 I think, possibly just turned 21. I was a bit more determined but still, the lessons terrified me, it took me a long time to learn and I still kept feeling like -I can't do this-. We ended up deciding I needed to change instructor because this one wasn't very structured. So I found a new instructor who was a bit more expensive but I told her from the outset (this was pre diagnosis) that it was thought I might have aspergers and she was really good. She had a strict syllabus we'd work through and she'd write notes for me to take home. When I finally did get my diagnosis she asked a lot about helping me and I would bring a map so she could show me where we were going before each lesson and tell me where we would go next week. It didn't make it easy, but it made it easier because I wasn't concentrating so much on figuring out where we were.

Driving lessons for me were stressful. Sometimes I got so anxious I had to cancel and I had to psych myself up for almost every one. It took me a long while to manage all the conflicting sensory stuff of having to concentrate on so much at once and never being able to switch off or retreat. That is the bit that takes practice and persistance I'm afraid. I had to take a full year of lessons before I could do it properly. And sometimes I would burst into tears from a small criticism.

My instructor got used to it though and got better at phrasing things and told me in my test if I felt overwhelmed I was allowed to pull over and take five minutes to breath because that is demonstrating safe driving. I failed my first test by driving a tiny bit too close to a wall and the examiner intervened, though the rest of my test was near perfect. Second time around I passed with only a few minor faults of hesitancy. The examiner was really good and clear, asked me to repeat back instructions to check I'd got them and sat there quietly for the whole time. It was probably the most relaxed I'd ever felt in a car.

It took a long time, but it was definitely worth it. There were times I was utterly sure I would never drive, just as sometimes now I feel utterly sure I won't be able to find any career not behind a computer. It's fear. Doesn't mean it's true though.

I discovered, driving on my own after my test, I am a good driver, most of what was getting me stressed was the people in my car during lessons, having to try to focus on driving and reading them at the same time. Now I find driving quite a routine and relaxing activity. Yes sometimes I have to talk my thoughts to stop myself retreating but I've discovered I have so much more energy now I don't have to get on the bus and have freedom to control my own travel.

I'm not saying you have to drive, because it's a very individual choice, what I am saying is that, for me, the learning was the hardest bit. If you can stick it out and just keep going, an instructor or maybe more neutral figure to teach might help too, it is worth it. Driving lessons still terrify me, and I've been driving safely for months, yet I reckon I would stillmake stupid mistakes with my instructor present because it doesn't feel like you're in control. If she suggested something, even if I was about to do exactly that, I felt I had to defer to her, Ididn't know how to say- yes I can do this shut up and give me a chance.

It takes time, but if you think of it as a longer learning process that you can conquer with time, it helps. Good luck and I hope you gain confidence over time. (I think my Mum took her test about 6 times, and she's NT. She's a good driver, just nervous on test. Don't let it discourage you.)

Aspies, especially those with ADHD, can take longer to learn things like driving. You can still try again--driving is actually a very helpful skill.