I don't know how to be spontaneous

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When I look at pictures of friends goofing around and mugging for the camera it reminds me that I just can't do that. I just feel so detached. If I did it I'd be totally faking it. Where does all this spontaneous whoop de doo come from?

Well, I got no answer for you OP. But I too do not know how to be spontaneous. It's impossible. They must have planned it ahead of time

Don't feel bad...there are many people in the world who are unable to be spontaneous. Just be who you are.

I know what you're saying. Last night there was a group of people at the house I'm living in. It seems that immediately a group of 5 or more people get together the group goes into this mode where people are exchanging/relating little stories and everyone is laughing. Meanwhile I have no clue what everyone is on about and can barely muster a slight smile while my head grows fuzzy and my mind slips off. Maybe my life is just extraordinarily dull but I never have anything interesting or funny to relate. I feel like I'm expected to act jovial but I just can't contribute or even understand what everyone else finds so funny. My brain just doesn't function spontaneously.

I don't know. I'm really in a bad slump right now. When I get around groups of people I feel so inadequate that I start getting mental images of me swallowing a barrel and blowing my brains out.

I found this in the Adult Life forum. I didn't write it, but it pretty much sums up my approach to "spontaneity".

I'm not real spontanious either unless it's something I enjoy.


One time my husband told me the Portland Expo was doing a rummage sale, I jumped in my car and we went there the following day. I love yard sales and rummage sales and garage sales. But why did I do this if I don't need anymore items? I was hoping I'd find diapers someone just didn't want so they donated them. I only got several books instead.

I just think some people have that kind of personality. It might seem like everyone is like that except for yourself, but I think that's because those people are more visible. They are louder, and they put their group photos on the internet, and shriek with laughter, arm in arm, as they walk down the street. You can't help but notice them. You don't see or hear the many, many people who are perfectly happy to sit inside doing crossword puzzles, or having a quiet, but very enjoyable gathering of a few friends.

Of course, if have people like that in your life, and they see that you aren't engaging in spontaneous whoop de doo, then they will ask what's wrong with you, why are you so dull, and why don't you know how to have fun. They can't grasp the concept that you can enjoy yourself without hooting and hollering, and flipping your hair around, screaming, "OMG!! !"

Really. Please don't feel like you need to be like that.

Do you want to be spontaneous? If so, it's a behaviour that you are going to have to learn--but I have no idea how to go about it.

I do a lot of performing, but one thing that I am completely hopeless at is improvisation. I know the skills, but I cannot create a scene or a story. Even though acting has taught me a lot of social skills, I seem to have a brick wall around this one.

And I sure wouldn't want people grabbing things out of my hands as I am using them so why would I want to do it to other people?


Treat others the way you want to be treated is my motto.

I guess what I'm talking about is not so much spontaneous plans but specifically pictures of people at parties where they are acting like they just won the lottery. I guess I just don't find joy at parties.
Here's a random example from google images. Even when I was drinking I wasn't this.Ever.




And no, I don't want to be this. I'm just curious as to where this abandon comes from.

To me, posting is spontaneous. IRL though, I am only spontaneous around close friends, nut I don't have any right now, I am getting better I think, but maybe that's the problem, ok, i'll shut up now

I also makes lists etc of things to do such as call my mother. But that isn't spontaneity.

You can't be spontaneous on demand. That is like being demanded to love someone - it's not love then.

Maybe we are all spontaneous is our own Aspie way. Maybe when we decide to make a list we are spontaneously making a list in a similar way to an NT who spontaneously laughs and smiles a carries on at a party

For me, spontaneous behavior is just a quick way to trip over a carpet seam and crack my chin.

I can be spontaneous verbally when it comes to humor, but I really have to watch it - if I let something past the internal filter without at least cursory inspection, I may say something that to me is hysterically funny, but is greeted by stunned silence from the other person or persons involved, to whom it seemed hideously inappropriate.

Sometimes I say these things anyway because I frankly enjoy the shocked expressions. And anyone who does laugh is a good candidate for a long term friend - if they get my twisted sense of humor, they'll more likely get other things about me as well.


But all that dancing about and mugging for cameras - that's chimp behavior.

I'm still trying to figure out what "spontaneous" means when people tell me I am not spontaneous. I certainly don't "mug for photos", but I'm sufficiently unphotogenic that no one wants me to. I lack Willard's apparent linguistic legerdemain, in writing or speech, and so possibly just don't have any particular way to appear spontaneous.

I'm not sure what Legerdemain means. Should I be insulted?


BRB...checking Dictionary.com...


edit: Hmm...french for 'light of hand'...that's not anything like 'Light in the Loafers', is it?

Spontaneous means doing things at the spur of the moment and they weren't planned for ahead of time.