Why are friends mad when I mention another friend's name?

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amyst
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08 Dec 2009, 7:10 pm

I can't guess the reason, please help me understand it.

In the last few days, because of personal and career stress, I put down "miss [a friend's name] :(" in my chat status. Hours later, I got two chat replies (yes I am kind of friendless) from two friends asking who this person is.

I have been scratching my head because I don't know why they care. I miss a person, I put down his name in my status because that's how I feel, and I seem to be offending or bothering people. I don't understand. Why do the two friends ask, and how should I respond to them?



CowboyFromHell
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08 Dec 2009, 7:35 pm

It's not pissing them off. They are just curious.

Example. I've got a similar Dimebag tribute avatar to this one on my Last.fm profile, and a friend asked who Dimebag Darrell is. See?

People like to ask questions. It can be a great conversation starter or continuer.


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RampionRampage
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08 Dec 2009, 7:57 pm

I agree with the above. I think you're reading too much into the question. They just want to know who you are missing. Presuming they are friends that care, they are interested in how you feel and why.


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CowboyFromHell
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08 Dec 2009, 8:02 pm

RampionRampage wrote:
Presuming they are friends that care, they are interested in how you feel and why.


Yeah, that too.

Don't assume that everyone only gives a damn about themselves, there are plenty of caring people. I'm not saying you do, but I've observed a lot of people who feel this way.


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southwestforests
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08 Dec 2009, 11:18 pm

Putting the name in chat where others can see it is sort of an invitation to the world to inquire about it.


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Ambivalence
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09 Dec 2009, 5:11 am

You are providing them with a sentence which conveys two pieces of information, not just "I miss someone", but also "I miss someone", without providing additional explanation as to who that someone is. You (presumably) knew that your audience would not know who you were referring to, so you shouldn't be surprised that you have made them ask!

I dunno, suppose I say "I'm looking at something out of the corner of my eye", I am conveying the information that I'm looking, but it doesn't make as much sense as if I say "I'm looking at the Sun out of the corner of my eye." That sort of thing.

I'm very much guilty of doing this myself, writing or saying things which I know won't make sense to anyone who doesn't have the same odd set of cultural reference points that I use myself. Not "not knowing that they don't know what I know" but "not caring that they don't know what I know, even though I should". :lol:


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LK
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09 Dec 2009, 2:52 pm

I agree with what was said above. Also, often when people say "I miss *name of person*" they are romantically involved or interested in that person. Such things get a responce out of friends. It is possible that they thought you wanted them to ask. I have NT friends who purposefully put messages up like that because they want people to ask about something. If they are not asked by a significant number of people they become distressed over it. heh



Oisin
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09 Dec 2009, 3:01 pm

I completely misunderstood what you wrote to me in your email. I'm getting the picture now. The people above are right. Some people are just intrested in your private life and your other friends. They want to get to know you better. This way friendsships will grow and become stronger.

Sorry about the misunderstanding.

Your friend Christine