I'm new - my issues

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Hi, call me Linc. I'm currently 20 years old, and was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome at age 16. Up until recently I have tried to deny to myself that I have AS, but with a number of recent depressive episodes, and my constant obsessive compulsive tendencies (which I've managed to control - see #2 below) it has made me take a further look into the disorder.

I have a lot of questions about my disorder, and frankly I don't know what took me so long to seek somewhere to discuss them.

1. I'm Gay. I knew I was since I was 12 and I had my first boyfriend at 14, before I was told I had Aspergers. I have been able to maintain a number of relationships, one of which lasted for over a year. Is this normal for an Aspie? My assumption was that sexual relationships were quite uncommon. My older sibling (of the opposite sex) is also homosexual, however she does not have AS, but has been diagnosed with tourettes. I was wondering if there is any known connection with Aspergers and homosexuality, or if perhaps my disorder could make me more influenced by her sexual orientation during my early teens?

2. I smoke a tonne of cannabis (not literally). Again, wondering if this is something common with other Aspies. I go through at least a Q a week. I started smoking (both green and cigarettes) about 2 years ago when I started working full time. I find it is an incredible way to treat my anxiety and obsessive compulsive tendencies, however it unfortunately makes my lack of motivation worse. I tend to spend most of my time now sitting at home getting stoned watching tv and playing video games. However, it also brings up new social aspects. I usually have sessions with friends from work where we sit around getting baked, laughing our asses off watching tv.

3. I take other recreational drugs. I have a pill every weekend. It may be destructive but the feelings that I experience are one of the few things that keep me going. Occasionally speed, gut generally only as a work-I've also tried LSD, which was an equally eye-opening, however fear of eventually having a 'bad-trip' has stopped me from continuing to take it. Any other similar views/experiences?

4. I have an eating disorder. For as long as I can remember I have been a picky eater. Picky to the point of having a breakdown when my parents would try to get me to eat something new. This continued into my teens and my parents basically gave up on trying to change my diet. I have strict rules for what I will eat, and refuse to try anything new. For example, I have everything 'plain'. I don't have sauce, regardless of what type it is. I get my burgers without ketchup and mustard. If it comes back with either on it I will throw it out. I've read about Aspies having being picky eaters as kids, but is it very common at this age? Has anyone managed to 'grow out of it'?

5. I just got fired. I've worked in customer service in the technology section of a department store for 5 years now. Customers love me and asked for me by name, and for some reason my social interactions with them are almost on the same level as that of an NT. The only person I ever had trouble communicating with was my boss. I had a major depressive episode last week, and ignored his phone calls for 3 days. I found myself so enraged that I couldn't bring myself to answer the phone when he called that i broke it. Has anyone else had similar experiences with enhanced social skills in similar situations?

Thats all for now! I've been carrying around those demons for years - good to get it off my chest.

I am in customer service too, but luckily I get to correspond mostly through email - I come across as cold and terse on the phone because I'm nervous...or if I'm really nervous I stutter. Email helps me to think it through before I put it out there.... I think my clients like me and they accept that I don't chit chat, but I get the job done so they know they can depend on me.

I quoted you above because I took a hammer to my cell phone once....First I took out the sim card and put it in a drawer, but I kept putting it back in the phone, so I just decided to smash the damn thing. It felt great.

Anyway, nice to meet you.

Hey Linc,

Just my thoughts on your questions....

1. I'm gay too, but I don't think there's really a connection between that and AS, and I know plenty of heterosexual aspies. I haven't managed to have long relationships, but a lot of aspies do, some even stay married for life, so it's not necessarily the case that aspies can't handle relationships. About your sister, well I figure we just are who we are. I don't think we can really be influenced about something as deep as sexuality, not for any length of time.

2. Yeah, I smoked dope religiously every day for about 12 years, and whilst it certainly calmed my nerves, it rendered me mute around other human beings, so in the end I gave it up.

3. Yeah, I also took chemicals during the same period, LSD, E, etc., and in some ways whilst I was high on those things I felt connected to other people in a way I couldn't normally experience. But the comedown and the depression afterwards were horrendous.

4. Me and my aspie brother are still picky eaters, although I think kids grow out of it to some extent, and maybe get more adventurous with what they eat, a lot of aspies I know eat pretty much the same thing every day.

5. Yeah, I function well in work environments, when I'm well enough to be working, because there's a kind of structure to the interaction. It's easier not to get lost, and the conversations are more predictable. But in social situations, when anything could happen, I feel like I'm on a rubber dinghy in the middle of a stormy ocean

Hope it all goes well - generally I've found the more I look into Asperger, the easier my life becomes to understand.