Bully and friend same person?

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I realized that in at least 2 cases from my earlier years in school, my bullies were the same person as my "friend". I guess this is because your bullies are almost the only people who hangs around with you and when you're desperate for friends, your bully will occasionally become your "friend".

yeah actually your right, years ago before my social skills had really developed when i was younger most of the people who gave me a hard time were my friends, i've experienced very few people who've been bullies and not my friends

This boy in my neighborhood who probably had AS too or maybe not was a bully to me and then he be nice to me once in a while because we be playing together at my house. It took me years to understand why he was nice to me sometimes and my therapist I saw when I was 16-18 helped me figured that one out. It would happen when he needed my help in something or wanted soemthing from me or if he had no one to play with at my house because everyone else was playing with each other, so he was left out. So he came to me because he had no one to play with, he wanted something from me so he be nice to me for it, he wanted my help with something so he be nice to me. He was like a sociopath because he had the ability to be nice and then be mean. Because I was so trusting then and friendly and very forgiving, I was friends with anyone, even to my bullies just as long as they were nice. That gave kids the chance to take advantage of me. They could be mean to me all they wanted and then be nice and I would easily forgive them and then be mean to me again. Now I don't take that crap anymore. Be mean to me and apolgize once, be mean to me again, bye bye.


I also had friends at school who be mean to me and then I easily forgive them. I am friends with one of my old friends on myspace from elementary school and she had been mean to me a few times as a kid. She is also against bullies as an adult.

Wow, I thought I was the only one who felt that way ^. If they tried that with me now, they would be sorry, but most of them aren't in my life anymore. I have one friend that I've told a few times: "I'm not as nice as I used to be."

I had friends in school who usually were good friends when it was just the one of them and me, but if we were three together, they would bully me.
Later, sometimes also when it was just the one of them and me.
Other times we could have fun together.

I had similar experience too! I guess that friend who is nice when its just you and him/her bully you only because he/she wants to look funny in front of other people.

I was part of a sketch comedy show in college. We are all kinda one big clique.

At the same time, nearly every guy on the show was a total bully to me. They made me their token Asian and tried to crap on me for it when the oppurtunity called for it...even in sketches.

Though most of them were my friends. So yeah...it's complicated.

The girls I hung out with in 8th grade became huge bullies to me near the end of the year...just because I had a few issues with them.

Same with me, but it never happens now-I'm a lot bigger and braver now, which is very good for my confidence and well being. I think people can tell I don't stand for that behaviour anymore. I couldn't be friends with anyone who acted like that now.

I had that experience in my childhood. I've never experienced something similar as an adult. Fortunately.

Is it because as an adult, no one bullies you anymore? I mean if they find you weird, they will just ignore you.

I wish that were the case and I wish that I was not bullied as an adult. I wasn't really bullied in the workplace (people actually liked me in my job), but now that I have gone back to school I am bullied by classmates and even by one of my professors. It is very confusing because these are bullies "all grown up" and they are very sophisticated at what they do. They are harder to catch and harder to explain.

But yes, I dealt with "friends" bullying me as a kid. Also, all my so-called friends in the neighborhood would never even talk to me at school. It was like I was OK to be around when no one else was looking. Sometimes it still feels that way.

Friends starting to put me down is my experience. Once they had the releationships that satisfied them and I was of no value. My saying is "Theres no such thing as friends." Also relatives starting to put me down.

Some people will ignore, but some people will also take advantage of it. I guess in my case, because I don't have a ton of friends, I tend to be super helpful to people... IF they actually come to me. I guess it's because if I go to someone and ask, it's because I REALLY need something and know I can count on that person, not because it's a last resort.

But I'm willing to bet that is why some come to me for things, lol-a last resort. Some of them, though, once they realize I am willing to help (it makes me feel useful and all around good to help people out, so a lot of my helpfulness is completely for selfish reasons and boosts my self esteem a bit), they take full advantage of it and keep coming back. They also know I don't like confrontation, so I do it for a very long time before I finally say something and stop helping.

As far as school goes... it's because a lot of kids, if they stand up for the odd one out, will also become bully targets and nobody wants that. They may not realize it... not in terms of actually thinking about it and weighing the outcomes of standing up for the little guy, but in a way it's just to fit in and happens kind of automatically. Sure, that kid realizes afterward that it wasn't right to do it, and might apologize, but every time it happens they are likely going to jump in, because they don't want to be singled out themselves. It's self-preservation in a way.

My son has had a lot of pretty good friends who have done this to him in the past. Most of the problem seemed to be that the kids just thought he was strange and no one explained why, so of course, the weird kid is the automatic target of name calling and all that good stuff. But it continued because nobody ever talked to these kids... at least that is what it appears to be.

I've resolved a number of his bullying buddy problems simply by explaining what autism is, and allowing the kids to ask me a million questions if they want. One of them became his defender actually. He has gotten himself suspended from school on numerous occasions, or has had write ups for defending my son. In the beginning though, he was his worst enemy.

It's hard for kids, I think, to realize that people are not like that by choice... and it's sad how many parents share that mentality and don't step in. How many bullies' parents do you think are the same people who will walk through the store making fat jokes about people, or using negative names to describe people?

Once it is explained though, at least in our cases, it helped a ton. His friend still falls into it from time to time, but it's very rarely anymore. He's often the one telling people to leave him alone, or inviting my son to talk in their little group and such.

Name calling and stuff still comes into play from time to time, but it's not meant in a harmful or hurtful way. I don't really understand why it happens, I just know it does and is pretty normal to pick on your friends.

Zack (my son) knows now that if someone does this and he takes offense, he can ask them if they meant that as a joke or for real, or he can tell them it bothers him just so they are aware. We've been using a lot of cartoon/comic strip conversation things lately to show the difference at times between doing it with intent and joking, and how it sounds the same to us either way. That way, he understands it isn't always meant to be mean, and they understand that he doesn't interpret it any differently than someone who intends it that way.

I had one of those.. she was my friend before being a bully, but she had another friend and when they were together they would pick on me.

Also there was this girl who was horrible, she would pull hair and be really mean and then she would expect to be your friend. D: I don't know if that's the same kind of thing. I guess I played with her sometimes but didn't think of her as a friend.

In elementary school, a lot of the kids who bullied me had started out by pretending to be my friend.

From what I've come to realize, people are either in one of three categories:

"bullyish" friends

incompetent friends

people who have virtually no time for friends cause they're so busy trying to succeed in this world.