I was curious if other Aspies did this.

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It falls into analyzing (which I already made a topic about) and thinking of the past (which is another topic I've seen here) but I was mainly thinking of the aspect of analyzing what people say to you good/bad. That time mom yelled at you or whatever or that time someone said something nice to you. I tend to do this alot (the thanking of good/bad) and was curious if other Aspies did it. Thanks

I'm not quite sure what you mean.

Well do you tend to think on what people say to you either if it's good (Wow good job today etc.) or bad (You look awful (or whatever). I do tend to think wow my mom said that or something similar

If I'm understanding you correctly, I used to do it. It's definitely a healthy habit to have, since soon you'll just know instinctively the undertone of what someone's saying, without pausing to think.

Do you look at the implicit meaning of what someone's saying, or just the face value? For example, say a stranger came up to you and said, "Wow, nice sweater." Good, right? But now let's say he said "Wow, nice sweater," in a monotone, while rolling his eyes. In other words, sarcasm. Bad, right?

I guess what I'm asking is, when you analyze a statement, do you look at nonverbal cues as well?

No. Why would I want to know if someone said something bad to me or was putting me down?

I don't think I look at non verbal it's more for example (Your shirt looks ugly) Me:OMG You think my shirt looks ugly what do I wear tomorrow to work sheesh! OR your shirt looks good Me: Great someone complemented my red shirt maybe I should wear red more often. So I tend to hold onto everything a person says to me bad or good.

Yes.

I think that I used to.. but then I started to understand that if I took the good to heart, people would think I had a big ego, and would put me down more, so I started dismissing the good and just ruminating on the bad. I get stuck a lot, when I want to believe something good that someone says, and then am afraid that if I believe them, they'll change their mind..
Things repeat in my head a lot.. like I remember scenes. My memory can be almost like flashbacks sometimes, if it's the kind of thing that sticks in my head. It'll just go around and around.

Because you need to pay attention to bad news most of all. People see it as worst if you don't respond to their negative cues.

Yes, I do this. It is only in recent years that I recognized the need to do this and I went through a year or two of playing catch-up, analyzing events where something happened and I had to figure it out long after the fact. I'm less obsessive about it now, and I pay closer attention to others' showing of interest, and I don't expect them to be where I am in the development of ideas.

So?


I'd rather be innocent and not pick up on their crap and I think it be fun to piss people off with my innocence. Good trait to have. I'd rather be happy and continue thinking everyone treats me right.

Being thick skinned is an admirable trait and often useful. However, sometimes it is useful and necessary to let others know you recognize potential mistreatment even if you yourself aren't bothered by it. I know that people can be ape-like in the sense that they'll put some token thing onto you to see if you're paying attention or to see if you're looking out for yourself. If you fail to respond appropriately, then you're seen as defective and therefore subject to lost opportunities and bullying. This doesn't make sense except in the context of evolutionary biology where individuals are expected from time to time to demonstrate fitness. This is one of those things you can begin to understand only when you realize that we're still not that far from swinging from the trees and throwing poop.

You might not care about some thing that really is trivial, but third parties who are watching will, and unfortunately they too will judge you negatively for not being "appropriately outraged" though they're not even involved. You may have less reason to care about this aspect of human behavior if you're married and have a secure job, but I have to be careful because I am reasonably certain that this issue has caused at least one potential partner to judge me negatively. From my point of view, it looks like I just don't care about others' warts, but third parties see it as failure to defend myself.

Last edited by sgrannel on 12 Dec 2009, 11:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What fun is it to pick on someone if they don't respond? When I do it, I stop after a while because it's not fun and I figure the person doesn't care. That's what people would probably think anyway about me. They would think I have a very thick skin and I don't care what people think or say. So what bad judgments can they make of me for that?

I do this, I'll analyze a little comment someone made to me over and over. I think it's because I have trouble interpreting people's true motives for saying something so I'll have to think about it really hard to figure it out. I'll think, was that just a random comment that they didn't mean or should I really listen to them? Did they mean what they said, or were they being sublety sarcastic? (the more obvious sarcasm isn't so much of a problem) I don't think NTs have to do this as much as we do.

If they're just picking on you, a lack of response may be useful because it doesn't provide reinforcement. Otherwise you may be regarded as not even worth picking on. It's strange. I've had people start liking me better after I would speak up for myself at times. The issue isn't being bothered/not bothered by an event at which offense may/may not be taken, but ensuring that you can get what you want from people.

You didn't answer my question about why people would think the worst of me if I didn't respond to the negative sutff like the insults and all.

Oh, yeah. Tough question. In some instances there may be an issue that they want you to address. In other instances they may be just doing it to challenge you (the ape-swinging from the trees, throwing poop thing). In some instances neither you nor they may know why, it's just something they do.