thank goodness for this forum!!

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Son (age 6) dx to be on the spectrum, husband undx but definitely is, other son (2 years old) is the most active talkative child ever and takes a lot of my energy. My six year old was so easy!

Me: Difficulty with social stuff for as long as I can remember. I had to observe people to know how to act. Well I had to figure out that I needed to observe people first. Remember learning when to smile and when to quit smiling (is it when you look at them or after they leave you, how long do you smile?). Just stuff like that.

In high school, I tried going into the cafeteria the first day of school and could barely do it. The sounds, lights, all of these people sitting at various tables, seeing two or three lines to get lunch, all of these options, all of these things to do, people looking at you even for a second. Not knowing where in the heck to sit. Wishing I would have brought a magazine or something. Yep. Pure hell.

I always thought I could understand people. The people who were always alone, I felt they were sad and I was sad for them (even in 1st grade). SO, I was highly sensitive. Elementary school I would sometimes just walk around alone. I remember feeling sad but didn't know what to do. reading these forums I see that others are just as sensitive as me.

I remember once asking a girl who was in the fourth grade (I was in the 5th), "Are you a boy or a girl?"I didn't think it was a bad or mean questions. It was just a question. She answered me and I was fine. I didn't have to wonder about that anymore. I wanted to know. Her hair was short and she looked like a boy. Most people do realize at that age you just don't do that. I realized in high school or maybe even college. Would a pure ADHDer know that or would they just be impulsive and then think about it later knowing what they had said was wrong. I am a school psych so it's pretty sad that I am even asking that question. If I were working with a child with a similar problem, I would know it's not typical yet at the same time, I can't answer that question if I am in the equation.

Anxiety became so severe in school. Not ever knowing how to act in different settings. That really takes a toll.

I have learned a lot and have adjusted quite well. People think I am sociable now because I talk and smile a lot. If I do it for too long, I end up being awkward and it takes so much energy to keep it up. To always having to check yourself, especially in professional situations is overwhelming. That is why I need breaks, frequent breaks. That is when I do paperwork. I have memorized ways of saying information at meetings and the way it's delivered just from watching others. I actually copy mannerisms and tone of voice if I feel the person presents well. When I forgot, the meetings end up being horrible just because I was so awkward in my presentation.

I was dx with ADHD and Anxiety as an adult. I wish they would have caught that as a child. My anxiety killed me even around the 2nd grade. I always had sensory issues, fine and gross motor problems. I couldn't write one full paper in school so I almost flunked out. Writing was difficult, staying organized was hard and having my papers not being even close to perfect - why turn it in.

It's a little easier to adjust as an adult because you are not forced as much to be in situations you don't want to be in (i.e., cafeteria, recess....). I went to see my child in the cafeteria today and I about died. I don't understand how these kids eat in there. My child is actually fine with it which is strange because last year he couldn't even handle sounds that were a just little loud.

Yep, neighbors think we are an aspergers family. They are an ADHD/Aspergers family, too except the mom. SHe dx me LOL. I am so much like her daughter. I tried to tell her it's my ADHD and she doesn't buy it. She went to the doctors with me because my youngest son was having some strange flu symptoms. She actually told the nurse, "Yep, I have a daughter with Aspergers and they are definitely an aspergers family." I have no idea why she said that. Did I say something to make her say that? It was just weried. Oh well

People here are always talking about neurotypical compared to people on the autism spectrum.
You can definitely have similar issues and not be considered on the spectrum - look at me. I am not dx to be on the spectrum, don't know if I am, always thought I wasn't. If I really am not, the symptoms still can overlap quite a bit.

I am not just starting to feel, "I am who I am" and if someone doesn't like that, who cares. My son has a girl best friend in school. I talked with her mom the other day and our kids are so much alike. This girl loves legos, is obsessed. Loves wearing the same few shirts to school everyday. I work at that school so I am able to talk with her...yep, she is like a Nate. My next door neighbors have children with aspergers, the college girl across the street does (with an IQ of 165 - not kidding). Oh, our good friends older boy was dx with PDD-NOS AND another one of Nate's friends down the street has a brother with aspergers. Nate and the older boy really have the same hoarding styles and interests.

So it honestly feels like we are the normal ones. Then again, is anyone really normal??

[u] This ended up being longer than I expected. It always is.
My main points are that you don't have to be on the spectrum to completely relate to a lot of topics here
and I truly love this forum.



D[i]

Last edited by natesmom on 12 Dec 2009, 1:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

I left due to embarrassment

some like it some don't

You have the Asperger's my dear.



But I could be wrong.

That was great!

Kilroy - embarrassement? Why?



Yeah, my mom read more up on it and thinks I am, too. Especially as she learns how guys and girls can present differently (of course a lot of people do). My mom would get so frustrated and would cry because I couldn't stand being touched. She thought I didn't love her because I didn't hug or didn't like to be touched. She didn't hug tightly. I can't stand light touch now or most touch for that matter - only if it's deep. When my husband puts his hand on my leg, I usually have to tell him "push harder please." My children do get touched, just not lightly. They can't stand that either.

Here is something that has been really irritating me lately: Sometimes in church we sit behind a couple where one (usually the girl) is lightly rubbing or touching her husbands back - it's usually this light touch - doing the same pattern over and over and over again - sometimes doing it on the heck. Please tell me that would drive other people crazy?? A few weeks ago I almost walked out because it drove me crazy. The thought of it now makes my skin crawl. I don't mention it to anyone, not even my husband because my husband already wants touch. I can't sit up front because it's too loud for us both - we have extremely sensitive hearing (I just think everyone has become deaf due to loud music and sounds).

Husbands primary sensory issue is noise. He has absolutely no issues with touch. Life would be easier if he has issues with touch, too. He is also fine going to church and doing the greeting (hi, how are you? over and over again. He wants to go to church on time. I get my way;)). I just can't force myself to go and greet people. If we are early, my anxiety levels go through the roof. It's the whole process. Can't stand it.

He really thinks it's odd that he is the one who seems more Aspergers by facial expressions and intonation when he talks (very monotone) but I have a lot of these other things that he doesn't have. He also thinks its strange because I seem a lot more social than he does but I am a closet non-social. I am always the one who must leave social events early and then need to retreat.

I have already asked my husband for a weighted blanket and a electric blanket for Christmas (its so cold). I have been mentioning it for six months. That is all I want. There is nothing that relaxes me more than that xray one they put on you at the dentist's office. those are not weighted enough though. Abilitations sells ones but we don't know how much weight to put in. I am 106 pounds. Have no idea. My 6 year old son is the same way I am. I want one for him, too but have no idea how much weight he needs. He has about five blankets on his bed right now for the pressure My next door neighbors teen daughter wants one too.

Again, I am not saying I am aspergers or anything but I have been wondering a little. My neighbor says something like, "You are definitely aspergers. I have read a lot about aspergers and females and there is no doubt." Good grief. What do you want me to say? You told me once, why do you need to tell me at least three times a week? Perhaps if I just tell her that i think she is right she will leave me alone. Why does it even matter?

For me, it's more important that I have a place to go to - here.

Last edited by natesmom on 12 Dec 2009, 2:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

I asked some person that in debate league a couple years ago. Honestly I don't regret of care about it. Normally those people are aware that they are androgynous enough and get those weird looks/confusing things about them....



Stat Out of it. I stayed out of social Bs in HS most of the way.



Which city do you live in? Something tells me it's in the Pacific Northwest or Northern California...

I like light touch. It feels nice and soft and smooth. I can't stand hard touch and it hurts or feels like I have weight on me, pressure. I'm the opposite.

What? How in the heck did you figure that out. I am from Seattle WA but now live in a state close to the pacific northwest. Some people do consider this area part of the pacific northwest. I just don't want to give too much away as I live in a smaller place. I lived in in a seattle wa suburb for 23 years (35 years old now).What gave it away? That is just so interesting.

Do you know me? LOL

Large concentrations of neurodiverse people in a single neighborhood

There's a joke/stereotype (maybe based in fact) that the Pacific Northwest cities are full of Aspies and neurodiverse people. What with Microsoft and Boeing and Google and other tech companies and people located in those areas...... IIRC there are studies noticing the amounts of aspergers diagnosis being higher in those areas. It's lower in other cities that are not as tech-oriented IIRC.

I feel life would be easier if I were that way. I think my husband likes light touch. I should ask him. If he does, crap.....

Why?

You can give him light touch and he can give you hard touch. Problem solved.

THAT IS SO TRUE. My best friends in college tended to be both males and females who were in the engineering program. I had other friends who were computer science and/or math majors. I preferred them over most other people.

I think my particular neighborhood is an anomaly. Not only do we have a significant amount of individuals on the spectrum, my block consists of people who are of different religions: Jehovah witness, Mormon, unitarian, methodist, catholic, agnostic, nondenominational christian. Those people are just our closest neighbors (about 8 houses). Pretty interesting. Most of us get along. One tries to convert all the time (not mentioning which one). So, yes our street and the area surrounding it reminds me of Seattle. This particular city is anything but diverse. We got extremely lucky

At the same time would probably work. Hmmmm. I can't just give him light touch because even doing that bothers me. It's light touch on my fingers. I should figure this out. Perhaps your idea will work. I need to do soemthing

I take it the soft/social sciences people were too annoying and neurotypical and got into drama; being the starving artist bohemians they were

*insert RENT and Shotbus jokes/references*



heh. Is it a College Town? Also Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses aren't rare. ESPECIALLY Mormons given you're situated close to Utah. Or Catholics.

Hmm maybe Jehovas Witnesses are rare, and I haven't seen them preaching in a while

[quote="Warsie"][

heh. Is it a College Town? Also Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses aren't rare. ESPECIALLY Mormons given you're situated close to Utah. Or Catholics.


There is a college here, fairly large one (you'll figure it out) and Mormons are the majority. JW? I haven't had met a lot of people who are JW. Only a few.

Yes, there were definitely annoying ones out there but I must say that U of Washignton had a lot of the math and engineer types. Either that or those were the people I just happened to meet. I lived in a quiet dorm for juniors, seniors and graduate students. most of those people were usually in the hard science fields.

That is how I met my husband. I became attracted to him when he went to a basketball game alone. He felt so comfortable going alone. Some people wouldn't go if they didn't have anyone else to go with, not him. He didn't feel the need to always talk and socialize. I liked that.

Of course, he was/is hilarious. You never knew he was listening to others, especially if he was watching something on tv (the lounge), and out of the blue he would say something extremely funny. There were times I would laugh so hard, I'd cry. Others didn't laugh that much. I think it was over their head. I don't know.

The lower level college classes were more of the people who just wanted to talk about last nights party while turling their hair, trying to look good for the guy sitting a few rows up. Drove me nuts.

My dad didn't think I liked him because of some sensory issues. I didn't react like my older brother to the things. He assumed that it was because I was breast fed and my brother wasn't. I'm not assuming this, he actually said it. He said I would freak out when he tried to do cookie monster time with me. Cookie monster time AKA Aspie torture would begin with him saying cooooookie, coooookie, while making grabbing motions with his hands. It then escalated to wrestling and tickling. My brother LOVED this at the same age, but I would eventually just start screaming.

He was also let down that I "wasn't interested" in learning to build stuff in his wood shop. I told him the electric saws hurt my ears. He gave me earplugs, but they didn't help enough. I simply couldn't stand the loud saws.

My dad and brother are both poster people for ADHD. They both enjoyed loud and high stimulation activities together. My dads theory of mind is absolutely horrible even now. He hadn't a clue why I didn't enjoy the same things my brother enjoyed doing with him. He didn't try to think of more relaxing ways to hang out. It was like he saw me as some kind of defective toy.