Where do we go wrong?

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My older sister has coworkers she goes and drinks with and an old friends facebook pic. is her surrounded by 2 people all 3 smiling. What separates socializing and making friends from them to us? Do we not see mundane things IMO such as drinking as "fun" is it we talk about are special interest too much (IMO mine of Psychology went so far as to alienate even the TEACHER!! !!) or not realizing cues (such as body language) to the point that that friend gives up on you. (Not sure of what other social cues besides body language) Or is it something else perhaps not putting ourselves out there as are social friends or siblings do? What are your thoughts on this issue? In a way I wish I could have friends easily like my friend and older sister.

I know what you mean. I even seem to struggle to socialise with family. It never seems to be natural to interact with others even if I've known them all my life. I also find people seem to take an instant dislike to me and I don't know what I've done that makes them not like me. My brother has Aspergers too but he doesn't seem to have as much difficulty as me and people like him more even though I try to put my self out for them and be nice to people and he doesn't. I'm never sure what I'm doing wrong but it's always the same and I find it really frustrating how I'm trying and getting nowhere while he's coasting through life with everyone thinking he's perfect and hating me.

I don't talk enough so people don't find me interesting. I think it's as simple as that. On the other hand I find that 95% of what other people talk about is either incredibly dull or something I'm unable to relate to.

It's easy to smile in social gatherings...if there's something you really find entertaining to smile about.

I suppose NTs have an easier time smiling for no other reason but to smile. I have to remember to make myself do it.

You know the funny things is, those girls were probably talking about their problems and struggles and offering support to each other and then took the picture so they could blast it on facebook to make everybody think they're 'wild and crazy' party girls...

In my case, or my experience, it's failing to get past the content. I've observed that if someone unpopular says something corny and false, it's corny and false, but if someone popular says it, it's original and funny or wise. While I'm trying to work out whether someone likes me enough for me to get away with saying something, and whether it's worth the gamble, everyone else has moved on.

That's one thing about the modern world, that I don't understand. There was one time, many years ago, that a bunch of girls in my grade 10 English class were talking about hairdryers. I've decided to join into the conversation. I was talking about the exact thing that they were talking about, and one of them said, "Oh yeah...okay...whatever..." I've hated my close aged peers, ever since. I feel that they're too much into the next comming century to be interested in me, so I just avoid them and when I see them at all the different stores around town, I don't give them any eye contact, because I don't look mainstream society in the eyes.

It's the inability to imagine what the other person is feeling and would feel if you did/said something.

If "going wrong" means not regularly going out and getting drunk with people I secretly dislike and just keep around so I'll have something to do on Friday nights because I can't conceive of the idea that it might actually be fun to stay home and read... then I am very glad I "went wrong", wherever it happened.

How come we're idolizing NTs now? The only standards by which they're intrinsically better than us are standards only a bigoted NT (or curebie autistic) would ever find to be valid in the first place.

Yes, a thousand times over!

I will never see the point in going out to a bar, drinking and such. It's an entirely alien concept to me, and when I've tried it it's been equally strange. I'm happy with that. It makes making friends harder, but I have so much more time for things that I want to do.

Going out and having fun is not "idolizing NTs". I am an Aspie and I like going out and having fun preferably every weekend friday and saturday. I like going out just as a NT and maybe I go out more often than many NTs. There is nothing wrong in staying at home and read Friday night if someone likes to do so. But if someone feels the need to socialize and be around other people that is in no way "idolizing NTs". As far as I know Autistics are impaired in socializing but that does not mean that some of us feel the need of company and friendship. Especially Aspergers. And being impaired is the reason some of us feel so frustrated because they can make friends like other people do. Reconizing our diference from other people is the reason of much frustration in some of us (Christopher Gilberg). I read many times in books that some aspies feel frustrated cause they can't socialize. Even if some aspies don't feel the need to do it. And socializing is not being bigoted in any way even less curebie!

Here here! I feel the need to go out and socialize sometimes, but other times I just want some ME time (or quiet time) and just want to stay home and chill. Context is everything, it shouldn't be all one way or another for anyone. That being said, I do feel though that there is an almost cyclical aspect to my feeling like socializing, I suppose at times I feel more "aspergian" than others, if that makes any sense. And when I do, then I just need to stay home and recharge so to speak. Other times, I can get out there and have fun and feel fine about it.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone. Some of you might be content with staying home and as others say I don't find the whole drinking and going to a bar as fun but still wish perhaps a boyfriend (going to the movies/kiss/dates etc.) Instead of having to go with my family. OR go out to eat for lunch with friends (instead of just family) and also when times of stress instead of complaining of my issues on WP it might be I'm going to X house see you later.

Well, that being said...

Zelda go out there and take the pluge. Some aspies get so stucked in their rotines they can't conceive of doing anything else (not that is a bad thing anyway some aspies like that, just in case someone feel offended). And sometimes social relations involve some flexibility, and fluidity. The imagination problem might be a problem as someone said and is strictly related to the existence of rigid routines. I might be difficult for us aspies imagine something pleasant to do with our friends but try thinking about it (imagining what you would like to do with someone else) maybe is one of the best thing we can do.

One easy tip to making friends is listening to what the other person is interested and trying to do something you both like. For eg. if a friend said she likes comedy movies and a good comedy was just released why not calling the friend to go to the cinema? mmm.... that is what Sheldon Cooper did in the Big Bang Theory (although he got himself in a continuous loop) with a relative degree of success. Learning how to understand body language might take a while. Integrating body language, and posture (vision) with tone of voice (audition) and making sense of all that in the speed necessary for a conversation might also be a problem.

Some aspies also say things very directly with little attention to someone else's thoughts and that may back off some people. For exemple, if you thought something a friend said was stupid, just don't said to him/her "I thought that was stupid" try being nice. Well, that may seem obvious to some but many of us make that mistake, myself included.

Learning how to take risks is also important and that is also a difficulty many aspies face as they have a preference for "sameness". Calling your friends to go out is risky in some sense because you might get a "no" for answer. But that is just it nothing more is going to happen. It might be a important skill to learn.

Well these are the tips I got from some psychologists over the years. Hope that was not too much of commonsense and offered some help even if little.

Those are some good tips wedge thanks. The whole say stuff directly or whatever IMO fits me 100% (my emotional issue is laughing inappropriately) Maybe when I get a new job I can meet some people.

I didnt go wrong, I went right by not socializing