Why do I do this???

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Sometimes when I get totaly overwhelmed and feeling trapped, I bite, scratch and slap myself. I feel bad afterwards...one because it hurt...and two because I could not stop myself from nutting up on myself. Mom told me that when I got mad as a kid, would scream and then go find carpet and bang my head on the floor. Now I guess I just resort to biting scratching and slapping myself. I rarely do it where anyone can see me cause I dont want to have to explain that which I dont understand myself. I dont do it very often, maybe 2-3 times a year, but when I do...I have to wear long sleave shirts because I have big bruises on my arms.

I was just wondering why I do this? It usually happens when I exaust all other coping mechanisms and I am totally overwhelmed beyond by ability to cope. dysfuctional Family holidays, studying for finals and my brain wont compute, knowing a loved one is in trouble and I cant reach him/her are examples when I just nutted up on myself. It is unlike cutters who feel relief after injury oneself...I feel guilt, shame and I hurt after doing this. It does not make me feel good at all. Most of the time, I feel worse afterwards than before but too exausted to try anything to make me feel better.

My mom feels bad for me when I do this...but she does not freak out like she used to because she knows now that I do it when I am overwhelmed not to punish myself.

Thank you for any and all help,

Jojo

Something that helps me with I feel overwhelmed I practice my katas from my Shoalin-do days before the YMCA drove us out. In short I believe the best way to settle these feelings is to fight it out, for me at least my teacher has always said a good body bashing is good for the soul

what is katas?? and Shoalin-do??

as far as body bashing....it only makes me feel worse because I hurt and feel ashamed...double whammy

Now I used to get my agnst out by screaming as loud as I could...but I had to stop that because I would have ppl running from everywhere to save me. And they would get mad when it was a false alarm. My dad told me stories of the boy that cried wolf again and again.

I don't know if this would apply to you, but I react similarly to being totally overwhelmed, and part of it is that I have to lash out at something, and my body is the nearest object.

Have you tried a weighted blanket? I'm always ranting about weighted blankets but honetly, they're a miracle. I've seen myself in the middle of a meltown and I get under my weighted blanket and *instantly* feel calm. Somebody told me once it's because we need ... um ... something to do with long muscles.

If you don't have a weighted blanket, you could test whether you want one - the dentist's xray apron weighs a lot, do you find that comforting? Or do you pile yourself up in bed with a dozen blankets, even if it's warm out?

It's worth a try. I hope you find something to help you.

You know that could work!! My mom said I had colic real bad as a baby and I cried non stop for hours on end until someone told her to wrap me real tight where I could not move a muscle and I calmed down right away. Even now, someone restraining me is very comforting. I remember in group therapy in a day treatment program I was at, the therapist made one person lie down belly down on the ground and 3 other people sat on top of that person. we each took turns. Well all the other girls were crying because they have been in a sexual abuse situation in the past, well other than the crying, it was rather relaxing. I told them to quit because they were not bothering me at all. They soon stopped and I got to enjoy the peace of being restrained. Odd as that may sound.
However, that therapsit was soon fired because it was very traumatic to the other girls to be restrained like that concidering their past experiences. I too have been sexually abused, but I still find restriction very comforting.

So in a nutshell...I will have to try that...thanks

Jojo

I've only harmed myself a few times.

I wasn't allowed to throw tantrums (harsh punishment). So many times I wanted to smash things, but I couldn't without the consequences making things worse. Some times I dealt with it by punishing myself.

I hit myself on the head a lot. It's mostly when I'm mad at myself...like if I bang into something or trip or am trying to do something that I can't do.