Having children does not seem worth the hassle.

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I would put this topic on the parenting board, but any opinions there would be biased.


I don't get having children. We have an 8 and 3 year old visiting and they are a pain in the butt. Is it normal for children that age to be almost completely out of control. I am sure one of them has ADD.

The return on having children doesn't seem to make up for the time, money, and hassle in raising them. Yet most people seem to have them.I read a study where they surveyed parents, and the net effect of having children was a decrease in happiness.

Does anyone here agree?

Honestly, it is a personal decision. I did not plan to have children, but ended up having them. There are days when it is completely draining. There are other days when I cannot imagine being happier.

Some people were meant to be parents and others weren't. Nothing is wrong with either choice.

QFT

I am female and 26 and I feel the same way. It is harder to tell people you don't want children ever when you are a woman. Most people tell me that I will change my mind. They've been telling me this since I was 21. Being in academia and in cities with a liberal population helps in some respects. I have so many interests and so many sensory issues (plus I like my time alone and freedom to sleep and travel whenever I want).

Not wanting children is very helpful in my case as I don't have to stess about a "biological clock" that apparently many women start to feel at my age and especially once they hit 30. I can see the desperation in some single women in their 30s. These same women apparently think that a child will make their lives happier.

I also don't get the whole extended family thing. Some people, especially from places like southern Europe, have such a close connection with the extended family that they seem to not have their own opinions about anything.

Agreed.

I'm conflicted, because I would like to have a child and my own family. But, ultimately, I do not think that would be a good decision for me - and therefore, not the best decision for the hypothetical child.

They are a tremendous amount of work, consume a lot of resources (emotionally and financially), and you can't return them if you change your mind. :-p It's a permanent decision that shouldn't be taken anywhere near as lightly as it is.

I think I'm best off being Aunt Lauren for the rest of my life. I'm popular with my four-year-old nieces and that will be good enough for me.

Hooray for birth control. And my SO is planning on a vasectomy, if he can find a urologist who will do it on a young man with no children.

I'll raise and foster animals instead.

I never wanted kids either, for exactly those reasons.
And yet I have one, and it was definitely the right thing to do.

That might not sound like it makes a lot of sense, but I can connect the dots for you.

One of my fascinations is my wife, has been since the day I met her.
She's fairly NT, and really wanted kids.
I wanted to be in a family with her.
Having a kid with her was a necessary requirement for that, and that has never bothered me in the least.

I get the impression that "having kids" is rarely done (purposefully or accidentally) for it's own purpose, but is a side-effect of something else that is being done.

Overall, I'd say that it's something that should be put off as long as possible, but be done as soon as the necessity for it becomes apparent.

I want to have kids. I have always had that nature in me since I was about four or five years old. I wish I could adopt instead so I wouldn't have to deal with a big tummy and more stretch marks and the painful experiance but they charge too much for adoption so I am forced to make my own. I would only have to pay for my kid (food clothes, diapers, etc.) and bills and not any extra fees which be the adoption.

When I was a kid, I wanted lot of them (at least five I think) but now I realize how loud they are and messy (grown ups can be messy too) and how much work and the cost they are so I decided on one kid for now. Besides I doubt I can afford lot of kids out of my own pocket. I am not going to get money from the state for my kids just because I chose to have more or failed to use condoms. My husband wouldn't want to put our second or third child up for an adoption if he knocked me up because the condom failed. So that be a good cause to rip off the state and peoples taxes. Blame my husband for that.

I agree, I can't see the point in having children either. I personally don't plan on having children. Or a wife.

But I suppose most people think it will give their lives some meaning. Generally it doesn't, as studies show. I also don't see there ever being a "necessity" for it as the previous poster said. But I suppose I can undersatnd the points made.

Personally, I'm happy with my Labrador and my fish.

It depends, you can expect everyone to plac the same value of what they would gain to what they would lose. Remember we are all individuals!

Remember, having children is hereditary. If your own parents didn't have children (biologically), than, chances are ... neither will you (HA HA)

Having kids is a personal thing. Having kids and raising them to the best of your ability is great. Choosing not to have kids is also great.

I have kids. They are a LOT of work (my son is diagnosed with autism and is now 4.5 yrs). They are expensive (from a decrease in income and additional expenses). They are noisy and messy. However, they are fun, beautiful and I love them.

I think that all people (from babies to seniors) should be appreciated and respected. One thing that gets me angry is when people choose not to have kids, but also think that their tax $$ should not go to schools and other programming for kids and their families because "they don't have kids" - Uh, yeah, and who the $*% paid for their K - 12 education...??? Besides, the kids today will be the bus drivers, doctors, pharmacists, automechanics, etc that we all will rely on in the future. So viva la kids.

Aside from that - the world needs all kinds of people. We need people to have kids. We need people who choose not to have kids. We are a society and each segment of society is necessary and beneficial.

Make your personal choice and feel confident that you are making the best choice for yourself and society in general.

Never wanted kids, never had 'em. I'm just not cut out for it, plus one of my most severe auditory sensory issues kicks in when I am around babies or young children (even ones on TV/radio commercials).

However, I am extremely maternal towards my furkids. I am proud to be a catmom, and I take better care of them than I do myself. There is nothing I would not do for them. This has helped me develop empathy for parents of human children. I cannot relate at all to the typical mother/child bond, but when I think about "what if it was me and one of my little boys?" I can get a much better idea of the pride and worry and pain and triumph that goes along with being a parent of a two-legged kid.

My husband is NT and is fine around kids, but since he had to take care of a bunch of younger siblings when he was a kid himself, he never wanted children of his own. He wasn't crazy about cats at first, but now he's a devoted dad all the way, and I love to watch him interact with them. ("Awwww, who's Daddy's sweet big boy?")

Anyhow, I agree that human kids are a huge pain in the butt, but that is just me. I know some people who are excellent parents, raising well-adjusted, happy, decent, civilized little people. They have their rough moments, of course, but overall they enjoy parenting and do quite well with their choice.

Good joke, and I get the /intent/... and I tried really, really hard to ignore this nitpick... but my parents didn't have me biologically and I know from my birth family that pregnancy in spite of perfect birth control use (up to and including tubal ligation --- TWICE) - I more than likely can bear children. :-p

I will say add this.

If I KNEW how my children would turn out with good traits (i.e. healthy, good personalities, achieve in life), I would make the sacrifice of having them.

No guarantees topic

If you have them, you hope for the best.

Be a good friend, uncle, brother, sister, aunt or caregiver instead.

I know the feeling. I have stated that it is unlikely I will ever have children because of the hassle. I have actually been told by someone that to be a woman and not want children is unnatural. I felt insulted by this as it implies that my sole purpose in life is to have children just because I am a woman. I disagree. In this so-called equal society, women have far more options available to them now other than dropping sprogs, options that I will try and take full advantage of given the chance. Besides, there are enough people on this planet who choose to or end up accidentally having kids, so why do I need to? Also, I have yet to meet a man with whom I actually wouldn't mind going through the whole biological and lifestyle upheaval that having children brings upon you. This would be a lot of effort to go through to find it was with a man who is totally unsuitable for whatever reason.

I just want to chime in with what I think is one of the main reasons many people want children. They provide a purpose to one's life. It is not necessarily the main purpose, but the responsibility that comes with having kids is at least one reason for getting up in the morning.

Having said that, I applaud those who self-evaluate before embarking on such a huge commitment. If they determine that it is not for them they are probably doing everyone, including themselves, their hypothetical kids, and society, a great service. I wish that everyone carefully considered their willingness and ability to raise kids before starting families.