"safe rooms"

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What would you say to a person who makes fun of someone for needing a safe room? How would you explain to them, in a way that is not insulting, that some people have different needs than others?

Honestly? You dont. At least, not in my experience.

If you're dealing with someone who is saying stuff like that because they are basically a bully or something similar, no amount of explanation will get them to stop; rather, it will make it worse.

On the opposite side, if it's a close friend doing that, sometimes it might not actually be insults but more like "banter". Not everyone does this of course, but generally when someone does it doesnt ACTUALLY mean anything and it's done with the total expectation of having a retaliating joke thrown back at them. I do that with friends of mine alot; they'll make some joke about some thing I did and then I just fire right back, and then we both laugh. Which doesnt make a whole lot of sense on paper, but whatever.

The "bully" scenario is the problem one though. There really isnt any good way to deal with that bit.

What is a "safe room"?

Safe Space

Thank you.

Yes, I think that's what pasty meant.
I think it should be distinguished from the term "Safe Room" (essentially a fortified bunker that protects one from things such as tornadoes and armed intruders).

This is not a bunker?

Safe Space = Positive environment where harassment/hate speech is not tolerated.
Safe Room = Fortified room meant to protect one or more people from extreme weather or attackers.

The 'needing a safe room' part could easily be removed from your statement and it would still make sense: the problem is the 'making fun of' part.

It depends on the relationship you have with the person. They could be a close friend teasing you, at which point it is worth considering what they are saying as mere banter, and it would be worth replying with some teasing of them. All in good nature, of course.

Alternatively, it could be someone intentionally trying to humiliate/provoke you, at which point your reaction could be to walk away, or confront them in some way. Or do something completely crazy i.e. take a s**t on their workstation and tell them you are a practitioner of Voodoo. I wouldn't recommend the latter, but they'd certainly be scared to do/say something to you in the future.



If it is a friend simply teasing you, they'll likely be willing to listen.

If it is someone trying to provoke, trying to explain yourself is a waste of time.


Ultimately, we all have different needs.

With these people (it's unfortunately more than one person), it is definitely making fun of and not friendly banter. More details:
They are making fun of college students who had trouble dealing with the election results, and their school offered them support.
They don't realize that I have a place where I go to deal with things- just like those kids did.
When they ridicule those kids, they are ridiculing me because I'm in much worse shape than those kids. Those kids were *offered* help, and they took it to be proactive. I, however, hide in bathrooms, my car, a group of trees, and places where the homeless people live to escape. I can't even handle a support group. I need a quiet, dark place to myself. How must they feel about me if they take such pleasure at the "weakness" of college kids who took their school up on an offer for group support?
I don't want to say, "Hey, guys, I'm functionally ret*d, and when you make fun of those 'coddled millennials' you are making fun of me too" but I would really like to make them see (better yet- feel) what they are really doing. I mean, every time a man goes into his "man cave" to drink and get away from his family, he is in a safe room or safe space. Every time a parent drops off the kids and goes for a hike alone, they are going to a safe space. Sunday school groups are safe spaces. Being alone with your dog in the park is being in a safe space. People have been using safe spaces and safe rooms for decades without giving them that name. What is the difference? How am I (and those college kids) somehow less than?

I think your safe space and the college Safe Space are two different things. I too have a list of places I go to when I want to calm down. That is a personal safe space. I don't think anybody has a problem with that because everyone has their own safe space.

But a college Safe Space is a designated room for people who want to be surrounded by people who think the same thing. I think these are a crutch that can discourage independence and resilience because in the world beyond college there won't be rooms set aside for people who don't like dissenting opinions. There are some jobs, like 911 and crisis hotline operators, where safe rooms are provided because of the high stress of the job, but college students are not experiencing life or death scenarios every day. Also, for those who are under high levels of stress, there are already mental health resources in place.

I can understand wanting to talk to people who feel the same way, but on a college campus, there is no reason to have a separate room for it. Colleges, more than anyplace else, are supposed to be havens of free speech, and many of them are liberal anyway. A group of people who don't like Donald Trump talking about why they don't like him would not be out of place. There are also clubs like the College Democrats, College Republicans, various Student Unions, etc. where one can talk to people who agree with them.

I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling anxious about the current political atmosphere; I just had a panic attack today because of it so who am I to judge? However, I think that Safe Spaces (which are different from safe spaces) are harmful to the mental health of those who use them in the long run because they do not learn important coping skills which can only be learned by being confronted with views one disagrees with. That might be the problem these people have with Safe Spaces, but it's not right for them to attack individual people for feeling like they need help, even if that help might be a little excessive.

Some of that issue might be because the cost of building Safe Spaces is coming out of their tuition or at the expense of other parts of the campus. This happened at my college when the need for a new commuter lounge arose and they got rid of the beloved coffee shop instead of the neighboring Safe Space (which is better suited for a lounge area because that was its original purpose). The alumni, as well as the current students, were NOT happy. Many alumni stopped donating, the school raised tuition costs, and now it's a mess.

Edit: how do i words

I'd honestly say toughen up and take it in your stride. The situation is similar to the fans of a football team teasing the fans of the losing side after a match.


I'm just being honest here: they probably don't feel anything about you, and could care less RE your specific situation. They are having a laugh because 'your side lost'.


...To drink? That's quite an assumption.

'Every time a woman goes into her 'boudoir' to apply lipstick and get away from her kitchen chores' is equally as biased as what you just wrote....


Why not just drop the label then?

From what you write, it seems a 'safe space' is either not being around other people, or being around the 'right kind' of people...?


Personally, I'd say toughen up a bit and deal with it. I realise that will probably read to you as harsh, given your present frame of mind, but I don't really see the problem of admitting 'my side lost', accepting that, and getting on with life. Wouldn't not accepting the loss be undemocratic?

However, I care zero for politics, so the final point is probably a different conversation.

To conclude: deal with it. They'll be on to something new in a few weeks time - unless they see it bothering others, at which point they'll continue to tease.

Just focus on why you are at college in the first place, and don't throw an education away over what will very soon be old news.

I personally explain to people that I have a problem with sensory overloads and I need a place to process information. Sometimes it's a quiet place in the woods or my room, it's no different from a serious introvert need time to recharge away from people. It's a different thing from being emotionally distraught about something like an election.

To clarify, I'm not a college student and I'm not disturbed because of the election results. I hope my post didn't read that way. I'm a middle-aged person. The reason I need to escape from people sometimes is because I get sensory overload. I just don't understand why someone would mock those college kids for needing support. I don't understand exactly what they're going through, because I'm not going through that exact situation, but I know what it's like to need to temporarily escape an extremely uncomfortable situation or environment to recover. I guess I just don't understand the general concept of making fun of someone's pain.

Comes with the territory of being autistic.

There's always the toilets. Just find a cubicle.


I wouldn't call being on the losing side of an election 'needing support'. Do they require 6 weeks of therapy? Maybe this is a cultural difference, though.

Why would they do it? Possibly:

1) It's easy
2) Many college kids have an inflated sense of self-importance: this makes them even easier to tease, as they are overly sensitive
3) Their side lost
4) Celebrating a victory feels good; reminding the losers that they lost is, for many, fun



In the grand scale of things, it's not recovery from rape/molestation, or recovery from torture etc

They should probably toughen up, develop a thicker skin, and focus on their studies.