I'm a 20 year old who's been a social shut-in for the past couple of years and wondering if there is something wrong with him.
I have problems going back as long as I can remember, but I don't know whether AS would be an appropriate way to describe them.
When I was a baby, I met a lot of my milestones early and started to read very early with no speech problems. My mom describes how I was pointing out letters and numbers on peoples' clothing and signs...and eventually words when I had just barely learned to speak. I would memorize and spell words like "Mississippi" and "Pinocchio" on command, and I was an avid fan of Wheel of Fortune from a young age. At the same time, I also seemed "introverted" and "had a preference for predictable settings" according to a doctor.
When I got into preschool, I started daydreaming a lot--a problem I still have to this day. If I don't impose a strict timetable on myself, I won't get a thing done. Even basic things like dressing, showering, and using the toilet have always taken me a lot longer than a normal person because I would sit in there and think.
A special topic of interest started to emerge when I was in Kindergarten. I collected a type of certain type of toy, knew the names of every one, and read about them in magazines when I had the chance. I got very excited if anyone else liked these toys and wanted to play a pretend game with me.
More over-excitability showed itself when I was in Grade 2. I remember that grammatical rules and math and things like that would come naturally to me, and I would get bored and misbehave at school. Where before I tried to be friends with all my classmates, I would start egging them on trying to provoke reactions. This kind of behavior got very addictive to me and lasted a very long time, despite me genuinely feeling bad and wanting to stop.
I got to a point where I really had no control over my mind. I would get amused with something, start getting distracted with daydreaming and think of more insane things to amuse myself, then get more excited and worked up, then get a 'funny' idea to seek attention or break the rules for the thrill. Afterwards, I'd feel genuine remorse, but not know how to stop the cycle.
In fact, I shouldn't be writing this in the past tense, since I still feel this today to some degree.
I was in a lot of trouble when I was younger, and my self-esteem went down the drain when I got into middle school. I was bullied and realized that I was different, with few people that I could really relate to. In some ways, I was mentally mature - I didn't see the thrill in sports or two-day-relationships; while in other ways, I was very immature and would have difficulty controlling my laughter, excitement, or tears once you got me going.
Finally, in high school, I developed the symptom of finding it difficult to say what was on my mind. Debate and speech class were horrible for me. Even to ask a simple question of a speaker, I had to prepare it in my head and write it down, then read it off verbatim after I was called upon. When I don't take the time to prepare what I say, I sound very unintelligent, and it is difficult for me to be formal verbally without seeming like a freak. I've compared myself to George W. Bush in this aspect. I'm sure the man is somewhat intelligent if he went on to become US President, but he seems to have difficulty in forming coherent sentences under any sort of pressure.
03 May 2011, 1:15 am
