Rumination

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Does rumination happen to anyone else here. All my life I've been grown used to feeling responsible to what ever goes wrong in my life and not blame it on something or someone else. I just start obsessing about what I did wrong and how I could've done better, and it makes me all the more cluttered and stressed out when I try focusing on delicate parts of my my day like my art. It feels like I get claustrophobic where I live (my mom's house) and even in my cluttered mind. It leaves me thinking that there are very few windows of time during the day to get things done, and if something starts frustrating me during one of those periods of time, it might be a day or two until I'm zen enough to get back to work.

I thought "vomiting your food up and eating it again" problem??

Had to look that up

I try to avoid those sort of thoughts. I guess one reason I play games is to escape that sort of thinking. I find thinking about all the things I did wrong and the bad aspects of me makes me slowly get depressed. So I guess finding out about Asperger's Syndrome last year was a good thing for me. I now know why I am like I am and that there is also good things to it.

I guess at this point I would really like a girlfriend but I accepted that I really don't care to be a social person. I'll be friendly but wont extra effort to fit in socially.

Right now I am also teaching myself programming (in lua, its awesome!). This gives me something positive to think about and I am motivated to learn as well as seeing definite progress which feels good. Of course this gets my mind in overdrive, coupled with the heat my insomnia is going nuts, now at over a week with getting to sleep 3:30am or later

Being tired like this makes it hard for me to get motivated too. However this programming is an intense interest right now and does get me motivated. I guess any advice I could give is to try not to think about that sort of stuff, for every bad thing think of a good thing. Accept it as is and let it go. Use an interest to maintain positive thought and to distract from those thoughts if you can.

I've been quite paralyzed by rumination in past times. I'm starting to realize that its not worth worrying about certain things. The problem I have now is trying to join groups I would like to join but get strong vibes of rejections from due to either paranoia or my aspie traits. These groups are usually of a political or artistic nature.

I find myself going over the same thoughts over again, when I feel that I do something wrong. I start to blame myself and than I play my favourite song on YouTube and than I cry for a few minutes. I tell myself what a horrible person I am, for screwing up and being hurtful, even though there's a chance that I didn't screw up and it's the other people who have the problem. Than I pick myself up and move on.

Definitely I think a lot about my social performance, but it doesn't fragment my mind, and my thoughts aren't full of self blame.....more a general philosophy that if there's any hope for putting my life right, it lies with me. I often reflect on past events many times over, but usually I get a different angle on it each time through. I don't consciously worry about anything much - worry just follows me about as a kind of sinking feeling and a vague image of whatever happens to be scaring me....at such times I can find it very difficult to focus on anything, I feel unable to plan anything until the latest worry has proved unfounded, or I might just feel shaky without knowing why, but if I catch myself consciously worrying them I usually turn my thoughts towards looking for solutions. Normally, once I've identified the threat, the strategies start to come clear.