Help!! ! I have to go to an ex-crush's house today who......

Post Reply New Topic

either thought, or still thinks, that I am a weird stalker or stuck up b***h!! OMG I feel sick at the thought of going today!!

The thing is, because of my AS (whch was a lot more worse when I was younger) and going through puberty, I had the most lowest self-esteem ever, because of my shyness and low confidence, and also coz of my appearence. I had a really bad fashion sense.
I didnt know how to look after myself proberly, so I had such a bad diet that resulted in weight gain, bad skin, and greasy horrible hair. I had no older sister and a best friend to teach me about hair and make-up so
I used to go in with greasy hair sometimes, coz i used to hated tying it up to show my fat face, and also i went through some embaressing times of using make-up. I didnt practise or know which right make-up to use, so I remember going into school, woth foundation that was a bit too orange, or foundation that only covered my face and not my neck, so u could see the lines, and I wont explain any furthur coz i say u get the picture. Also i was teased a bit too, that lower my self-esteem even more.
I actually think I had some sort of mild depression, because I just hated my life, coz i was a bit of a loner too, coz my school friends didnt really understand me at all and didnt invite me places, and there were times where I self-harmed and even wanted to end my life altogether.


As for guys, u can imagine wat it was like for me to see all these good looking guys and knowing I didnt have a chance with any of them. I know looks arent everything, but bare in mind that I was younger and naive at the time, and so were they, coz they wouldnt have looked twice at me. But thne I started crushing on this guy, who is one of the teachers sons,
and someone who i played with as a toddler, but didnt see him for years after that until i came to school I dunno why, but i think in my AS, confused, depressed (maybe) mind, that I thought we could make such a good couple, because both our mothers were teachers at our school. I told my friends all about my crush, and thye were all like Awh so cute!, but id say they knew that i would have had no chance with him, coz I was so weird at the time.


Anyway, i used to look at him so much at school, and look at his bebo page. I even got the courage to message him saying how are u, but he never replyed. All these and not once did I talk to him in person. Long story short, it came to point where a lot of his year (He was a year above me) disliked me I think. Also his friends used to give my dirty looks when i walked past (i would see this from the corner of my eye, coz they would go silent too) and would threw paper balls at me.

This crush would have gone one for two to three years, and I actually became obsessed in a way. It was really bad.

Even though I knew i was only young and innocnet and didnt really understand, i think I ruined any good rep and have with a lot of people. Im still not sure if he thought I was a stalker or stuck-up, coz I heard that I used to give dirty looks without relaising, so i might have been giving him dirty looks by accidnet when I looked at him, so that might have made me look like a bicth to him either. :/

So these days, I am so much better with myself. I dont feel as depressed any more, my AS isnt as noticable, and I have gotton more socialabe too. my diet, skin and hair is so much better, and I have lost weight too. I am 19 now, and all this crush stuff would have had happened when i was 14-16. I am able to talk to guys better now, espeicially since they now find me attractive,and my crush for the guy was completly gone.


But now today i have to go to his mother house for a maths grind (she teahces me maths) for an exam thast coming up soon, and I keep frekaing out whether he will be there or not!! ! i dont want him going back to his friends, adn saying how that the stalker was at his house or something!! !
If he does not want to be there, I am hoping he will come up with an excuse to leave to house for the hour to go inot town or visit his girlfriend (yep he has a girlfriend, while I am still single, but moving across lads on nites out like a slag), but I hope that if he does stay, its to just put the past in the past and maybe talk to me or something about my exams, cozn it bebso awkward for me not knowing how to act around him after all that stuff years back..
It would be so much worse if he is ont the house and does not want to be talk or be near me.

So what should i do if he is in the house? Should I just ignore him completely, jsut give an polite hi, or what? Really, in what way should I act to show that I ahve completely changed and Im not that person that I used to be, that i am different now?

Please help, I cant get out of it coz i need the grind, and she is unable to come to my house, and I actualy feel really sick at the thought of going, thats how bad it was!! !

Sorry its o long, but i need to expalin my situation properly!
Please help!! !

Last edited by LittleSwallow on 10 Jun 2012, 6:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

Just be polite and civil, and then get on with your work. I know it seems rather simple, but it works. Being polite and civil is also what to do when you have to go to some gathering where someone you've had problems with may also be present. Just say hello and move on to talk to, and hang out with others who are there.

I know it helps from personal experience. I have issues with my sister-in-law. On rare occasions we are both at a relatives house. I always say hi, and maybe a few other polite comments, and then move on to hang out elsewhere in the house. I usually spend part of the time hanging out with my sister-in-law's dog. I don't have any issues with the dog, and the dog is always nice and friendly.

Yes that's what I'd want to do - just say hi if he's there. It sounds like you've moved on from the way you used to feel about him, so act the way you feel. You aren't there for that guy any more, you're there to work, to fulfil your own ambitions.

I guess the problem is that all the old embarrassment is coming back into your mind and you don't trust yourself to function normally, if even the thought of meeting him fazes you. You'll probably find the reality isn't as bad as the anticipation, and if your feelings do disable you, just tell the teacher you're feeling ill (which would be true in a way), and are having focus problems.

Good luck. Sometimes we have to do brave things. It sucks at the time but however it turns out, you should feel better about yourself for knowing that you didn't duck out.. I don't think courage is being unafraid, I think courage is being afraid but carrying on because it's the right thing to do.

Let us know how it turns out.

From what you told - you have never actually stalked him or been annoying. Just knowing that someone likes you is not the same as being seriously stalked and probably now, few years later he thinks nothing about it. Or at worst case he is a bit flattered of being liked back then . He is a grown up man now, 20 years old. I think people usually don't make catty fun of crushes - past or present - at that age any more as they did while being teenagers inexperienced in romantic things.
Calm down, he has no reason to hate you or make fun of you.

Jsut came back from the grind now. He wasn't there, nor was his other brother and sister, so it was just me and their mother, which was good, so I did not have any distractions from either three of them, coz we had to study in the kitchen. When she brought me home (my mother could not collect me, and i have still yet to afford a car, as well as lessons), she was saying how he was at his girlfriends house, coz he knew i would be there for a grind, so he said that he would get out of our way while we were working so that we wouldnt be distracted. Think his brother and sister are in town shopping.

I got a bit nervous then, thinking did he genuinely mean that, or was it an excuse to get away from speaking to me, so i asked did he leave when her first grind student came in first (she had two of us today, first guy was at 12 while i came at 2), adn she said that he did.

So that has made me feel a lot better, that he was gone for both lessons, coz now I know he didnt leave coz of me, he left just because students needed grinds done for our maths exam, and he knew he wouldnt be able to get into the kitchen to do stuff, like make food or something (she even said that he raided the fridge for food before he left in teh morning before the first guy, so he knew he had to make food at his girlfriends house for himself). So he basically ddint want to be in the way. That has made me feel better now.