Help w/ aspie hubby..

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Hi Guys...so I was wondering..for the guys/gals who want or have more than one child....what had or has made u want more? How did u accept ur role as a parent and now part of a family?

I really want to have a second child but my husband(an aspie) says he does not...he says for some reason he doesn't enjoy or see the point in having more kids...that they will just prevent him from thing he wants to do...which if he could he would just be on his comp. all day long.. unfortunately that isn't reality... i feel he needs to accept his new role...as a husband and father...I want to help him willfully and happily accept it...

He does love our daughter dearly but it took him a while to warm up to her...he initially described her as an alien...but now that she is a toddler he sees her as more "human"... LOL:P

He tells me that being a family guy just hasn't clicked for him and has told me he wishes it did and would maybe like to see and talk to other dads and ask why or what makes it click for them.

So what makes you guys want to be family guys? what do u enjoy about having kids? Was there something about your first child that made you want a second? (if that makes sense?:P) How did u accept ur role as a parent?

...

Hey

You know, I don't think this has much to do with Asperger's. Or, doesn't have any more to do with Asperger's than any random situation with an aspie guy in it does, anyway.

Plenty of people don't want a lot of kids. Plenty of people would prefer to follow their own hobbies or careers rather than having kids. Plenty of people want just one child. Your husband's desires don't seem at all unreasonable to me, nor would they be unreasonable if he weren't an Aspie.

I think this a decision you guys need to make together. He gets as much input as you do, AS or no AS; it's not just a matter of you figuring out a way to talk him into what you want. Marriage is a partnership...

I agree with Callista, this has little to do with Aspergers. Mr. Rath is home with our two and he loves it. He's overwhelmed sometimes, but now they are his obsession, he spreadsheets their schedule and he immerses himself in their activities and he prepares elaborate dinners. He needs his downtime, and his computer time but I do not believe this has to do with just aspergers. Lots of typical guys might feel this way (and women too).

What I can share with you is: The 2nd child is not easier in my experience. The work gets exponentially harder, the price exacted from the relationship is huge. Going from 1 to 2 was harder for me than going from NONE to 1, and that's the biggest transition of your life.

This is not something you go into without a 100% committed, enthusiastic, partner. It's really unfair to your existing child and any potential further children.

I think your only avenue here is to explore with him why he doesn't want children. And the bonding thing concerns me also.

Some people will just never get way into the idea of having (one or multiple) kids. I know that's a weird concept for some, but it's true. I don't really know if there's much you can do about it. How about getting a dog instead? Or you could foster another kid. (Just some suggestions.) Something not as.. permanent.

Yeah, I doubt his feeling about more children is directly related to his AS. I don't want kids, but it has very little to do with AS; I simply don't have a maternal drive at all. I love kids and love my job tutoring in an elementary school but the idea of having one of my own chills me. Fortunately, my NT husband doesn't want them either (same thing -- no paternal drive, likes kids but does not want one of his own). At least in my relationship, AS vs. NT has nothing to do with not wanting kids!