confusion between symptoms...

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We have a friend who thinks their child has early signs of OCD. So I'm trying to help her find ways of dealing with it... but I'm having such a hard time not telling her just to take the kiddo to a professional and have her tested for everything (anxiety/asd/ocd) and see what happens... I've tried mentioning things before, but I'm horrible at dropping hints and usually wind up offending rather than being as subtle as I think I am being.

My problem seems to be... everything on the OCD symptom list is stuff my son and I both do as well, and we are both diagnosed. I keep looking at this list over and over... and the way these places describe it over and over could easily lead to social problems as well. Many of them talk about how a child with OCD may be embarrassed and try to hide these things from others... well, that would cause some awkwardness I would think, logically, when talking to others if one is worried about saying something that makes them look or sound "weird" all of the time.

I just don't get where exactly the overlap is, or where the defining line is.

I don't do things like washing my hands... but I do obsessively collect things when I am interested in them, and that is very much what sounds like it could be considered "hoarding"... except, I'm not to where it would be unhealthy or where you can't move in my house due to my stuff. It's just that I do have a lot of it and have to keep an eye on what I get at times, because I could easily overdo it probably if I didn't pay attention once in a while. Though, to others, what I have would still appear to be excessive to some extent.

I have my routines, which I follow strictly (on loose time schedules usually, but still these things must be done in order before I can move on), and they mention people with OCD have a lot of rituals.

They talk about sudden drops in grades for some with OCD... well, my son has that. He did it due to spending a lot of his time trying to keep himself under control, worrying about what others think of him (getting made fun of), zoning out because he's thinking about his obsessions, not switching tasks easily because he isn't 100% finished or takes longer to make sure he does it just right, etc.

So where exactly is the defining line in between the 2? I am quite confused. She is asking me because I've looked into a lot of things to help my son out, and I guess figures I would know where to go, or just needs support or something. Since they are friends, of course I'm going to try to help if I'm able, but I dunno if I'm fogging up the 2 disorders by analyzing too much, or if they really just seem like they could easily be one another... and if I am not fogging it up, then what am I missing? How can there be 2 disorders so amazingly similar with 2 completely different names? A lot of the stuff about OCD, the symptoms are one thing, but a lot of social interactions could easily be very effected in ways that would easily make it look like ASDs.

I also want to know... if I can't figure out the line between the 2, I obviously won't be a ton of help. Instinctively, I want to know exactly what it is we are dealing with before trying to offer advice and such, but if I cannot do that... how do I be supportive and all of that stuff without sounding condescending or frustrated? I'm so bad at this stuff if I don't know exactly what I am addressing... and way worse if I'm supposed to rely on emotional bonds to do it.

I mean, I have emotional bonds, but even that is clouded from what people would normally expect-I'm too straight forward about what I think, and believe I'm helping by saying what is on my mind, but it's caused a lot of problems before.

I think the difference is more the basis of the symptoms than the symptoms themselves. That's why non-stereotypical ASDs are misdiagnosed so often. It's not just what you do. It's why, and how you feel, and how you think about it, and how you perceive things. Diagnosis by symptoms is always going to be ambiguous like that, especially if you're talking about singular symptoms-- hence the whole thing with the triad of impairments in ASDs. If you have multiple symptoms that don't seem to be related but that tend to occur together, it's likely that they have a common cause.

Hmm... does your son have sensory issues? How is he with faces, remembering faces, interpreting faces, and successfully expressing his feelings? (Although, if he's getting help, then he may be quite good. ) So, what I'm getting at is does this other child also have these issues? The cool thing and, simultaneously, the difficult thing about ASD is how multi-faceted it is.

Since there are no biological markers for these conditions and they often appear together, I don't believe a clear dividing line currently exists. How someone who is seriously OCD and slightly autistic gets labelled depends on the subjective opinion and bias of the diagnostician. The same for ADHD. My understanding is that some diagnosticians at times give separate diagnoses for AS and OCD (or ADHD). I think the DSM states that you can't diagnose both AS and ADHD, but some professionals use their common sense and at times do so anyway, probably depending on the severity of the ADHD traits.

Well, my son has trouble with all of those things, but... this other child does too. It's hard to say whether or not she's actually interpreting things correctly or not, because she is very nervous and anxious a lot of the time (extremely shy, all of that), and with me not being able to read people one bit, I can't tell if it's "typical" shyness, or if she just really doesn't know how to interact with people.

Here are things we were talking about earlier... today, the nurse at school checked her out because she kept complaining of a sore throat and wanting to be seen. She got to the point where the nurse had to call her mom, because she was just crying in the office because she was terrified of being sick in general.

She also HAS TO have her shoes tightened at a certain amount every day or else her shoes will drive her nuts.

She has friends, but usually hangs out more with their parents than she does with them, and there are very few that she actually calls "friends" at that.

When I look at my son vs. her, I see soooo many similarities. When I mention that my son and I are having a rough day, she can usually relate very well to what I mean, because her daughter has the same types of issues with things.

First of all, there are quite a few things that are similar to AS. OCD. Schizoid personality disorder. Dyspraxia. NLD. Sensory integration dysfunction. Central auditory processing disorder. These all have some traits that are similar to AS.

If you look beyond disorders and conditions you can add introversion and highly sensitive persons to the list.

As Maggidoll pointed out, you have to look at the reasons why, and not just the fact that it looks alike. For instance an Aspie can collect things obsessively but we collect them because we are interested in them, while someone with OCD hoards because he/she is afraid something bad will happen if he/she doesn't.
However, I have heard that most Aspies have mild OCD traits. I have some degree of the OCD "washer" and "checker" but I can usually control it instead of letting it run my life.