11 Jan 2010, 6:24 pm
Okay.... There is this guy my girlfriend has had an argument with and he was a good friend of ours and since she got jealous when the guy was reading the newspaper article about the sugababes and I didn't understand what got her to be jealous?
Since that ridiculous argument started, it gotten worse to the point she pushed his head and attempted to get physical with him and the guy was scared out of his life... 
Since then, they weren't talking and deleted each other on Facebook which got the girl feeling very very very frustrated....
She is now telling me that I should delete him off my Facebook..... and she has been pestering me non-stop about it for 3 months and its getting too much for me to cope and handle it.... I seriously don't want to delete him but then again, he has acting horrible around me a few times, and his mum would end up getting angry at me for i don't know what reason?
Should I delete him?
11 Jan 2010, 6:42 pm
11 Jan 2010, 6:49 pm
LostAlien wrote:
This seems weird to me. I don't know what to suggest you do.
Have you asked your gf why she got jealous about a guy she wasn't dating reading an article about the Sugarbabes? I mean, that would still be weird if she got jealous of you reading the article but could be explained easier.
Have you asked your gf why she got jealous about a guy she wasn't dating reading an article about the Sugarbabes? I mean, that would still be weird if she got jealous of you reading the article but could be explained easier.
By the way, this was just before we start going back with each other.... and i asked her and she was jealous because she really liked him at the time and she thought that she was choosing the sugababes over her
11 Jan 2010, 7:01 pm
11 Jan 2010, 7:03 pm
11 Jan 2010, 7:27 pm
11 Jan 2010, 7:47 pm
pandd wrote:
I do not see that your girlfriend's behavior can possibly be healthy. If she has not been aggressed against, is not being harrassed and in fact is the one who is acting aggressively towards your friend then not only is she in the wrong as an individual, but she should not be asking anyone to take sides against the person she is in effect bullying.
There are circumstances where is it not unreasonable to ask people to take sides, but this is not one of those. Further, the girlfriend you referred to has no reasonable grounds for having started a dispute with the friend you describe. It is quite reasonable to read articles and certainly is not a blameworthy act.
As for the friend's behavior, well actually they would not be unreasonable to expect that you would take their side to an extent as a matter of fair and reasonable conduct. The friend is not described by you as doing anything to earn the aggression your girlfriend is directing at him, and if you have done nothing to intervene on his behalf and to censure the behavior of your girlfriend, then this could reasonably be construed as unsupportive and unfair by your friend (who after all is viewing the matter from the perspective of their own experience and may not be taking into account your experience as being in a difficult position).
If someone attacked you (verbally or argumentatively) without reasonable cause and esculated this incident by trying to rob you of your friends, and even physically attacking you, would you not expect some level of support from your friends, and particularly any friend who might have some influence as the attacker's boyfriend?
There are circumstances where is it not unreasonable to ask people to take sides, but this is not one of those. Further, the girlfriend you referred to has no reasonable grounds for having started a dispute with the friend you describe. It is quite reasonable to read articles and certainly is not a blameworthy act.
As for the friend's behavior, well actually they would not be unreasonable to expect that you would take their side to an extent as a matter of fair and reasonable conduct. The friend is not described by you as doing anything to earn the aggression your girlfriend is directing at him, and if you have done nothing to intervene on his behalf and to censure the behavior of your girlfriend, then this could reasonably be construed as unsupportive and unfair by your friend (who after all is viewing the matter from the perspective of their own experience and may not be taking into account your experience as being in a difficult position).
If someone attacked you (verbally or argumentatively) without reasonable cause and esculated this incident by trying to rob you of your friends, and even physically attacking you, would you not expect some level of support from your friends, and particularly any friend who might have some influence as the attacker's boyfriend?
I thought about that too, her health herself isn't very good, she suffer's from depression and was referred to alot of psychiatrists and none of them have been able to help her with her personal problems and she also is an aspie which for some reason for other people it makes matters worse...
She know's that I wouldn't take any side and it hasn't worked but I seriously do wish she'd stop annoying me with it, literally our conversations are now just about him and block him and his family and all that rubbish and its getting to the point that i'm losing my grip and ending up regretting it and might lose another friend again
If someone attacked me without any reason, it would leave me very heartbroken and i wish my friends could help with it, unfortunately, they all have most busy life ahead of them, one of them tried to stop it but it just didn't work, she kept going on and on at him... she even has had an argument with her mum, I just want the whole thing to be fixed and she told me that if I delete him.... She would feel so peaceful and feel so much better...
11 Jan 2010, 7:56 pm
thedaywalker wrote:
you shouldnt delete a guy from facebook just because your girlfriend tels you to. might want to delete you entire facebook acount anyway.
I have tried to temporarily closed it, but then I realised that I have a few good friends on there that I haven't spoken to in years and in general.... But I did think of doing that until they made up, but then they would never make up, its been like this since september.... I do try to avoid going on the website but then I get messages from my good friends and I don't want to disappoint them either.
11 Jan 2010, 7:57 pm
11 Jan 2010, 8:16 pm
yes. you can write a note and tell him you have to cause she says so. if you don't understand why you should, just don't delete him and wait and see. 
emc2
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 19 Sep 2008
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 197
Location: Queensland, Australia
11 Jan 2010, 8:22 pm
11 Jan 2010, 8:27 pm
Aimless wrote:
I have a sneaking feeling she's still hung up on this guy a little bit. She sure is spending a lot of energy on him.
It is exactly that, that's what also is making our relationship go up and down lately.
and all she ever talks about in the phone is him.
I told her what's the point in trying to get to him when he is now simply not interested and her after the amounts of times she screamed, shouted, try to physically attack him etc, just to get his attention.... Trying to get him attracted to her.
Oh she had dumped me for him... Then suddenly we went back together but it wasn't going exactly as planned.
11 Jan 2010, 8:36 pm
11 Jan 2010, 8:41 pm
emc2 wrote:
To keep the peace I would remove him and just email him via Facebook as to why, and you can always add him back in later. Just tell him the removal doesn't actually mean anything.
I have an ex that I added in but it was bugging me, that he would know too much about me, so I removed him but we still keep in touch via the Facebook email from time to time. The person can then see my profile for a month.
I have an ex that I added in but it was bugging me, that he would know too much about me, so I removed him but we still keep in touch via the Facebook email from time to time. The person can then see my profile for a month.
I love that answer actually
and I might consider doing that actually and I've never thought of it, but the problem that I know of is the fact that his facebook profile is on private that you wouldn't be able to email him if I deleted him and I wouldn't think he would have the interest in talking to me... I do however have him on Live Messenger but he is hardly on it unless I'm online at the wrong time probably?
I might consider that idea, thanks for that
12 Jan 2010, 10:06 am
superboyian wrote:
Aimless wrote:
I have a sneaking feeling she's still hung up on this guy a little bit. She sure is spending a lot of energy on him.
It is exactly that, that's what also is making our relationship go up and down lately.
and all she ever talks about in the phone is him.I told her what's the point in trying to get to him when he is now simply not interested and her after the amounts of times she screamed, shouted, try to physically attack him etc, just to get his attention.... Trying to get him attracted to her.
Oh she had dumped me for him... Then suddenly we went back together but it wasn't going exactly as planned.
I agree 100% - sounds very much like she's still emotionally very close to him, even if the emotions are completely negative. Seems to me that you're the one who's most entitled to feel jealous - that's definitely how I'd feel if she were my girlfriend. You could just agree with her that it's best to cut him out of both your lives, and then once the Facebook connections have been severed, encourage her to get him out of her head. It doesn't sound like she's doing herself any good by going round and round whatever it is that's pissed her off about him. You might also want to ask her, if she feels so jealous and hateful about an ex-partner doing something as mild as reading about a girlie band, what does she imagine her obsession over him is doing to you, her official partner?
But I don't know the basis of your relationship - a lot depends on what's been agreed between you about partner loyalty, monogamy and all that. Naturally, if that's not in the contract, then you can't really insist on her following such rules.
12 Jan 2010, 10:56 am
