NT socializing and romance is overrated

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NT's take those things to far, you should just be able to accept asocial people and lend them a hand if they need it, and romance is worse, what's with all this foreign talking on the street, hiw about just giving your partner a hug or take him/her for a walk?

Who needs social skills like this?

I agree. I go to the ASD Relationship forum and the stuff I see there by "NTs" feels alien and another language and like they are on another planet. All looks needy. That place made me realize how much I love my husband because he isn't like those people and I am so lucky to have found a man like him. The other relationships would have been a disaster if I were with a regular guy. Also they crave people and my husband and I don't so we don't have that problem. He doesn't even have a problem to go alone. But at least the place isn't bad and those people are okay. I'm amazed how they can't speak aspie and how much they struggle to understand an aspie. Ugh how hard is it to hear words only and not rely on body language?
Also taking word for word the aspie says, how hard is that to do it?

Makes me realize how aspie I really am. I come from a world of Asperger's my mom says

Aspies bashing NTs are overrated

I don't bash, just pointing out some facts.

Not facts, just your crappy opinion.

That was uncalled for.

I agree, and I hate it when people (read: my mum) tell me that I should act like everyone else, socialise more, etc.

It's not overrated. It's just that there are a phenomenally higher number of NTs out there who are able to enjoy those things.
Some of us can't. Some NTs can't.

It really doesn't matter at the end of the day, I really don't see why you should care about what someone else places values on.

I was just voicing my opinion, in the same way that he's voicing his

First, conversation is getting off topic.

Secondly... no, that isn't how he is voicing his opinion, although I agree that such sweeping generalizations are doomed to be highly inaccurate - you can't paint everyone with the same brush, regardless of whether they are on the spectrum, bright orange with green spots, or have three horns growing from their head.

A reminder to all: attack the idea, -not- the person.


M.

How hard? Very close to impossible. I could no more hear just words and not rely on body language than I could look around me and make a conscious decision to not see the color green. If you are wired to have information coming in on a certain channel you can't just turn off that channel. Just as you can't just will the channel of information into being if it isn't there to begin with. You can intellectualize a parallel channel as a workaround but that isn't the same thing. Choose a common color and make conscious decision not to see it as you go through your world. If you can't do this because you can't will your eyes to just disregard a chosen color, you will see why Nt people can't just filter out body language.

Taking things word for word is in the realm of the possible (unlike ignoring body language) but still incredibly difficult. I struggle with it as I listen to my daughter (although she has an autism diagnosis, not an aspergers diagnosis). It's possible to sometimes do it with a great deal of effort but still slipups are inevitable and common. Going against one's own neurology is very difficult. The main social difference between AS and NT is that As people are required on a daily basis to attempt to go against their own neurology. The overwhelming diffculty and frequent impossibility of that is described here in thread after thread. NTs are only required to do this if they are in a relationship with an AS person (marital, parental etc.) and then only when they are interacting with that person. But just because only a few NT people are required to do this and all AS people are doesn't make it suddenly become easy (or even possible) for NT people. If going against your own neurology were easy, this forum would be quite different indeed.

Well, I've found out that many aspies are just as independent as NT's, so I may be wrong about the whole thing.

That doesn't make any sense.

How are you even posting on here then without seeing us? Don't tell me you also struggle posting here. I was shocked that someone at the other forum prefers non verbals she said. WTF????

I seem to find it easy. I prefer words. My ex never expressed his feelings and stuff but then it turns out he did show them and I just didn't pick up on it unless he was bullshitting (lot of things he said was BS). Men hardly express themselves. My husband sure doesn't and it doesn't drive me crazy. Only cue I know from him that when he is upset is his voice goes high pitched.

Also it pisses me off when people don't take exactly what I say and they add words to it, ugh. God damn it, when you're with an aspie and they talk literal, you should take their words literally and don't go by double meanings. Like when an aspie tells their partner they can just go ahead and leave without them, the none aspie takes that as manipulation instead of taking the words literally.

Good thing my husband can speak aspie. He never had to learn. He just takes things what I say word for word. Sometimes he tells me things I say what they mean in a NT language. Just makes me wonder how often people misunderstand me.

It also pisses me off when people assume something about me thinking I am feeling something when I'm not and I tell them, they still don't listen. God damn it. Listen to my words. With an aspie partner, people should listen to their words only because the aspie's body language is unreliable. And you're saying that is hard? If they aspie says they're fine, listen to that and move on and quit assuming something is wrong. Is that so hard?

Just makes me happy I can't read body language well. I can actually listen to people. Like if I thought someone was mad at me but they said they aren't and they are just frustrated, I go "okay" and move on and quit thinking they're mad at me. Not hard at all. It just pisses me off when people refuse to listen. Feels like I am surrounded by stupid people.

When I can't see you, there is no body language for me to ignore. What is impossible is to ignore an incoming input- the body language. If that input is not incoming because I can't see you then there is no problem. If I were in an all-white room and the color green were nowhere in sight, it would be easy for me to not see green. But if I stepped outside and looked at the grass, I would not be able to override the green input coming into my eyes.

From what I have read, I have heard people want body language and when someone isn't showing it correctly, they freak out. That is what I'm talking about.

Aspies show it differently but my point is do people have to keep reading it and assuming the person is feeling that way and ignoring the aspie when they are saying they don't feel X when the person thinks they are? I get irritated when I say I am fine and people keep bugging me thinking something is wrong. At least my husband listens so I don't have this issue. My first ex kept asking how I am feeling and it irritate me because damn it, did he need to know? We be watching TV and he ask me it and then again few minutes later . He then stopped when I kept getting pissed at him about it. What did he want to know? I said I was fine so why ask again? Then I wasn't fine anymore when he keep asking me so I'd tell him he is making me mad by asking it and it's not making me fine anymore and to quit asking and I will be.

I think I summed the rest up what I said in my other reply about my frustration with people. I don't understand why people can't do what I do, listening to the words when they are with an aspie. My husband can do it. He also doesn't take what I say personally even though he would be hurt by lot of it if they were said by other people but with me he isn't. He knows I don't mean it. Sometimes he says something like "thanks a lot" and that's a cue I have said something wrong. He isn't hurt by it of course. I used to see him open his mouth all the time going "ah ah" and then he stopped because he got used to me.

There's an old saying. The only person that thinks getting laid is overrated is someone who's not getting laid. Seems to apply here.