Motivation from a guy with AS! Read here!

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PLEASE READ THIS FIRST:
This topic is about what I have encountered in the past 7 years and dealt with, and how I have become a better person. I did this all on my own. All of the below is what I have personally encountered, and found a resolution to it. None of this is copied. This Topic is dedicated to the people that say that cannot do the simple things in life they always dreamed of doing. I'm not saying everyone can relate to everything below, but it should help most people. If you could read all of this, it could prove very useful to you. I know people like your mom or dad have said in the past, "You can do anything you want!" I've had my mom and dad say that to me, and guess what, I don't believe them. I am saying the same thing, but coming from myself diagnosed with AS, maybe you could see it as more of a "non-impossible" feat. This topic is about if you want to do something in your life, and if you need some advice doing it. If you're simply not interested in it, I respect that as a fellow Aspie!

About Me: (Just skip to the "Motivation" section if you want)

I'll try to make this as short as I can. Besides all the other troubles I have had in my life, I will mostly list the social issues. My name is Mike. I live in Canyon Country, CA. (about one hour from Los Angeles) I can remember events back when I was even 2-3 years old. I have ADHD and Asperger's Sydrome. (AS) I have felt different than others all my life. I lived in a small town, and went to a small elementary school. It was about 200 kids. The middle school was in the same town, and again, about 200 kids. I was literally hated and teased from 1st grade to 8th grade. I didn't get it, never knew what I was doing wrong. In 8th grade I was dianosed with ADHD. Something still was off. I was diagnosed with AS in 9th grade. I also moved to a bigger city named Palmdale. It was a fresh start for me. My grades fell back and I eventually graduated with a High School Diploma from a continuation high school. (you go here to make up the credits you need, and you do the work at your own pace) I studied my butt off and finally graduated high school. I now work at Princess Cruises full-time as a booking agent, and rent out a room. So I am independent.

But Mike, that above paragraph doesn't mean anything!

Here are the biggest problems I have encountered in my life. In a nutshell, I had about 4 girlfriends in high school. They all were less than 2 weeks. I really just wanted to do my own thing and whatnot, and didn't care much for them. I was going out with a nice girl named Teddi in November 2005. She was good looking, funny, smart, and had a great personality. Three weeks later, I came to realize I couldn't devote as much time as I wanted to. I literally was so busy with trying to graduate high school on time, I had no time to visit her or talk to her on the phone. I broke up with her. She needed a guy who had time for her, you know? Anyway, I had two date in 2009. So from 2005 - 2009 I really had no girl activity going on. I went out with a girl named Valerie for 3 weeks in August 2009. We visited once and what not. She lived 3 1/2 hours from me. I didn't think 3 hours was a big deal, until I actually experienced it. I'm not a clingy guy, but if I were to drive to see her, it would be too expensive on gas, and I know the relationship wouldn't be stable in the future. On top of that, I needed to focus on my priorities, get my thing straightened out, etc. (which I'll describe in the next paragraph)

You had other problems than just girl/dating problems right?

Of course. I went to college for 1 semester. I withdrew from it before the 2nd semester started. I got double-charged for 1 semester. (Devry University) I am still paying off a $12,000 school loan to this day. Why did I withdraw? Video games. I was heavily addicted to video games, especially one in particular World of Warcraft. (WoW) I advise never to pick up this game because it never ends, and you'll always want to play more. Anyway, I would be so addicted to it, I would pull an all-nighter, every-other night to play it. So basically, Monday night, Wednesday night, Friday night, etc I would stay up all night. I wouldn't sleep. I would be playing the computer and be awake until I had college the next day. Since my I lived with my parents at the current time, they made a little bit too much money; therefore I could not qualify for any grants or financial aid. (just private loans) As a result, I now have $4,000 in credit card debt which was used for college tuition. I also gained weight back then. I was 175 in high school and reached up to 260 about 1 year ago. I was depressed. I didn't care for anything except for video games. I had 2 credit card companies calling me non-stop along with the school loan company. I was currently working full-time at Six Flags with minimum wage. I didn't drive at the time. I was spending money on things such as fast food and extra things like computer hardware, etc. My bank was always in a negative (overdraft) status. I also had ZERO motivation to do anything, even if it would help me. I would be shy, and very anti-social with anything and everyone. My mom was trying her best to help me with this. I would yell at her, and call her names. (I won't lie, I was very mean) She even gave me advice, and I would basically reject it and get angry. I would argue about everything, and only wanted to do what I wanted to do, and nothing else. My priorities were all screwed up. My personality was a bad one, and I was going nowhere in life.

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Motivation (PLEASE READ!)

Below is a few examples of what I have done to better myself, and what current situation I was in. I know I am going into great detail, but I think it would be better than a vague paragraph. I guarantee at least of the below examples can help you! If you want to read the minimal amount of this post, I suggest reading the below:

-(Q) "You can do anything you want, if you put your mind to it!"
-(A) You can. Here is my small story: I have watched people on Youtube dance. (Melbourne Shuffle) I really thought it looked cool. I really wanted to do it, but never did. The last time I did any kind of dance was back in middle school. So here I am, 22, wanting to dance, but with no guts. I went to a Halloween party at a house. There was an area inside cleared out for people to dance. There was a techno song on, and this guy named Cesar did the same dance on Youtube! It was really good, he danced very well. I asked him, "Hey Cesar how long have you danced for, like 2 years?" Cesar replied, "I just made it up 2 seconds ago!" He never tried it before, and looked pro. About 3 minutes later, I said to myself, "Forget it, if I want to dance, I'm gonna dance, and I don't care what others think." I gave it my best shot. I danced for a few minutes and enjoyed it. Another guy asked me, "Where did you learn how to dance like that?" I said, "I made it up 2 seconds ago!" He couldn't believe it! Another guy, lets call him Joe said, "Why the heck are you dancing like that?!" He was with 3 other friends. I said, "I don't see you out here, dancing, can you do better?" His 3 friends looked at him with a blank stare. Joe remained quiet and didn't say anything.

I then went on a cruise ship a few weeks later. Every night for 4 hours a night, I danced my heart out! I had 2 "dance off's" with other people. (where people circle around and cheer you on while you dance in the middle) I had a blast! I had so much fun! Afterwards, I'm glad I wasn't scared. People didn't look at me and think, "This guy can't dance." I was asking them instead, "Why aren't you dancing?" People enjoyed it as much as I did. See? Confidence built right there, from ZERO to 100. I also am down to 200 lbs (I used to weigh 260) because of this dancing.

I'm not saying you have to dance, but if you want to do something, go do it. If deep down you really want to do something, but you aren't because you think you can't, you CAN! This can be for anything from talking to new people, playing a new sport or meeting a girl/guy.

-(Q): "I don't want to do <this> because I will look like an idiot"
-(A): 100% untrue. I will use an example that would could be in first, then I will write mine:

Example: You want to talk to a girl/guy but you're too afraid of looking dumb or being rejected...either for love or for friendship, you just cant!
Solution: I used to be super-shy, but not so much anymore. So, lets say you're a guy wanting to talk to a girl. You think she seems nice, and shes beautiful, etc. If I were sitting on your shoulder at that very same time, I would ask you the following questions:

-You think shes super cool in every way, why aren't you up there introducing yourself to her?
-Why can't you talk to her?
-Is something preventing you from talking to her?
-You said, you'll look dumb but how?
-How would you look line an idiot doing so?

Answers: There is no excuse. There is nothing holding you back, other than yourself. You said before you wanted to talk to her, but you're not doing it. Also, it is impossible to look like an idiot. Rejection happens, but that is the worst that can happen. You never know what may happen. She may like you, and find that you're a really cool guy, or she may not. If you don't, you would miss out on an opportunity in life that YOU wanted to make, but you blew it. I'm sorry if that sounded harsh, but if you have this attitude with most things on life, you will not get far. In this case, you are holding yourself back for no reason.

If she likes you, then you could be friends with her, possibly something more. You would be glad you talked to her in the first place. If she rejects you and says, "I already have a boyfriend"...etc, its better than not trying at all. Girls like confidence. They want to know you're willing to go out of your way to talk to her, etc.

My Example: You know even though I'm single, I'm still really glad I have talked to girls. I have been friends with a few. I have also been rejected a lot of times! But if someone is really mean and says, "I don't like you, you're ugly, I already have a boyfriend." I won't let it ruin my day. They are words. And guess what, I know you have seen people before and called then "unattractive" or what not. People have different tastes.

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Misc Advice:

Be yourself. I know us Aspies are good at doing that. Overall, being yourself is the best way. You want to find someone who likes you for you, and I know you don't want to end up with a shallow person! I'm not saying everyone who reads this has to dance, has to go talk to whoever they want. The main thing is this: If you have even the slightest desire to accomplish something in your life, do it. Even if the odds are not in your favor, if you at least try, you would be 100 times more pleased with the results compared to if you just let it pass by you! If you had a time machine to travel back and forth into time, and you could foresee the future of what each decision could give you...you'd change your mind! Do what you want, as long as you're having fun, who cares?

I still have things to work on. I'm not 100%-Mr-Perfect. Nobody is perfect. I know girls around my age (19-25) that haven't given me a chance have no idea what they are missing out on. I am caring, very optimistic, sacrificial and understanding. I also like to cook! But you know, I'll find someone out there who is willing to give me a chance. That person may not have "the super-model body" but her personality will make her the most attractive person in the world! Whenever that time will come, it will happen. I really thought about this one day and said, "If I keep living like this, how will the rest of my life be?" I didn't like the answer. So I changed my who perspective on life.

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Final Thoughts:

I am posting this because I know many people that suffer from AS and have had many, if not all the issues I have encountered. I encountered all of the above and almost gave up. I hated my life then, it's a lot better now! I hate seeing people suffer, and hopefully by posting this and giving my real life examples, you could benefit from it. I'm not saying you have to do exactly what I did, but like I said, If you want to do something, go and do it, you may like the results! As long as you're not holding yourself back from anything you want to do, then you're doing fine! Just be honest and ask yourself this, even if its hidden deep.

If you have any questions/comments, Ill answer then on this thread or in a message if you prefer.

By the way, this is me. I'm on the left! Hello everyone at WP!

Great picture of you, and great post! It's always nice to see something so positive on WrongPlanet!

I really like that article. It struck a high note, with me.

I voted not really. I have never had a desire to go dancing in crowded smokey bars. Its just not my thing. I've been married for along time so picking up women is not really on my mind. But we're in agreement on 'be yourself.' (thats whats making me not connect with the first two you said. They're not me.)

But to repeat what a previous poster said. Its nice to see something positive on WrongPlanet and I am happy it worked for you.

If you read what I wrote, I'm not saying you have to dance. That was my example of not being scared of what I wanted to. The cruise ship I went on wasn't crowded or smokey. In fact, like 99% of nightclubs only have smoking outside. That's good you're married.