Coming Out

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Recently reached the tipping point, realized that Asperger's of some level explains too many incidents from my past to ignore. Asked some of my siblings to do me a favor and run over the AQ test just to feed my curiosity some data. The sibling most likely to respond normally has been completely silent. The one who most disapproves of me did send me a score [where I had predicted for him, blasted me for asking [he is allegedly a scientist - has he no data appetite?], told me I certainly was no Aspie [he claims to be a great expert, having known two], accused me of picking a fight with him, overreacting to him, and claiming Asperger "to excuse my behavior" - like what behavior, do I even dare ask?

All of which confirms my instinct to tell the Mob as little as possible.

Anybody get support or interest out of mentionin spectrum status to the worthy NT?

Yes and no. One friend didn't believe in AS or ADHD but after a bit of conversation she started to believe it. My brother and sister didn't know how to take it and still treat me like they did before my diagnoses, though my sister has stopped calling me a ret*d, which I guess is an improvement.
The many 20 somethings that I know really don't care, that is still treat me like garbage despite me telling them I have AS and am little bit sensitive and take things quite literally.
The people that do accept it are aged 30 and up.

i am 33 and my peers aren't all that interested in my dx, which makes sense then that they would be more "accepting" of it. However, I'm not sure if they are truly accepting or if they just don't care LOL

My family still go "When were you diagnosed with that?" ... < shrugs > but.. both my parents have also said "that explains a lot" but then again growing up, no one n my family were looking for diagnoses.. it was too taboo...

I told two people, my mom and my friend.

My mom: "There's nothing wrong with you! You're normal! You had friends!" She relaxed a bit when I said I was diagnosed as having "mild" AS. We haven't talked about it since (that was 6 months ago).

My friend: "How do you feel about it? What does that mean for you? What can I do to help?" She sent me a clipping of an article on Clay Marzo, the pro surfer with AS. She continues to tell me how important I am to her and how much she loves me.

Guess who I go to for support?

Well, there's a long history with how parents are perceived with children who have autism. Thanks to Bettleheim, moms automatically assume it would be THEIR fault. That stigma still persists today regardless of fact.

Further, any parent of a special needs kids, regardless or diagnosis, often experiences guilt...

Also, i have two sons with autism but i had them before i knew I had it... i feel immense guilt BUT have come a long way because i know longer feel guilty. Autism isn't a tragedy for most. It is for some and I am blessed that even my youngest (the lesser functioning child) is still able to live a good quality of life kinna life. PLUS... it's great having kids..

Too, parents need to get over themselves if they are EVER going to fulfil there children's needs

Also, too, I just wanted to type "also, too" kinna like being like Sarah Palin, dontcha know

If I was the kind to cry over stuff, this would be one of them.

I've had a hell of a lot of failure in life, and where I learned to be at peace with what I have and who I am, I know on some level my parents are disappointed in how I turned out and confused about why I've never amounted to anything.

I so much with I could tell them, but my family goes deep into denial about whatever it doesn't want to face, and I couldn't bear to come out about likely having AS only to have them belittle it or (perhaps worse) start treating me as if I need help doing anything because I'm autistic.

if i was the type to hug someone, i'd hug ya right now

You say "likely" Asperger's. Why not go all the way and find out for sure? Then, they can deny it all they want but it won't change it... and you can then educate them about what you CAN do just fine.

Without knowing for sure and for certain, you'll always wonder "Is it Asperger's?" that's holding you back and live with the fear that it isn't...

Removed

I work with the public, and I am frequently under lots of stress that causes me to be quite unpleasant at times with customers.
As a result, I have had a tendency to be more and more open about it.
I have talked about it with the people who work at my place..to sorta explain why I can be distant and awkward and sometimes snap at them or react weirdly to stuff. I was able to break the ice so that we could finally be more comfortable around each other.

I have a sign that I will put on the bar if I am not feeling ok.

I have found people to be mixed in their reaction to my dx.
My mother and my siblings fully support it. some initially, were ignorant of ASD's and adhered to a stereotypical idea of a person with AS. Once they read up on it they began to say how much it explained about me from infancy and childhood on. My mother is incredibly supportive and is very eccentric. She accepts she has "many traits" and also believes as I do, that we are an "autistic family" in the sense there is a concentration of traits in my family amongst most members, with a few being severe enough to receive dx'es if ever they were to pursue that course. I am not the only dx'ed ASD person in my family.
My mother is undoubtedly AS.

I had an experience in 12 step programs where i disclosed my DX and there was a lot of nastiness about it. It taught me to distance myself from those people who were cruel. Many were ignorant of ASD's and some have gone away and read up on it a bit and come back to me and been so supportive. Others have maintained nastiness and I just live with that.

The mothers at my son's school also know, as does the school staff. Some mothers have been truly amazing - and they are the mothers who knew of me before I received a dx. They have come up to me and said to me "we know you are weird and eccentric and you always have been. And we like you anyway. You are a kind person and you are a decent person." That has meant so much to me.

There have been other mothers - the shallow, bitchy and bullying types - the types that bullied me at school as a young girl - who are simply awful to me. I was deeply affected by this some time ago, but have realised they are shallow and nasty and ignorant people who live on a different plane to me. I am amazed how immature they are - they hang in packs and gossip at the school gates....They remain stilted and fairly unconscious about humanity and that is regrettable for them as they would actually find the magnificence and beauty in ASD "eccentrics" if they could be a little more open and accepting of people who do not fit their idea of 'the norm." (i think they might watch Jean-claude Van Damme dvd's as the ultimate cultural experience. )

So - the reception has been mixed.
Most importantly, I am reaching a place of post dx self acceptance and this is very special to me. I feel grateful to be me, and i do feel as if the heartache and pain of my life as a woman with AS has helped me to develop into the kind of person who has some real insight into life, humanity and care of self and others.

It is a very good and very belatedly special place to be!

The people I have come out to have been extremely supportive. However, I realize this is not the norm. Most of the people who do know I have Aspergers live in my current city (DC), where most everyone has a college degree, and is very well informed. I think people would be less understanding if I lived in a less educated city.

Most people I know don't know about my autism/asperger's. I have had some problems when the wrong kind of people find out. People that take advantage. Outside of my family, only a few friends know about it.

Well, my next meeting with my Psychiatrist takes place the next Wednesday.
When I started bringing the subject up, he was honest enough to tell me he knows nothing about it - his medical training is too old, and he isn't updated of the subject.

However I've started writing a file which is my summary of Diagnosis, I am going to print it and let him read, plus one or two Baron-Cohen like researches and statements of it not necessarey being a disability - and I guess he will either let his colleague who knows more to read it, or approve it himself as official. We are both taking parts in our conversations, and actually I diagnosed myself with my other disorders (OCD, ADHD, and mood-disorder-nos - I diagnosed the hypomania ), he knows I'm interested in neurology and all, and counts on me, so I guess that if he reads my summary it's enough. I just don't want to go to another clinician for this one, once I'm familiar with him and it's easy for me to talk with him...

I am planning on letting people know, just as I let them no about my other disorders - and this one isn't even a disorder, I just need some help, like NTs need in foreign languages or in math

My family is really open about this whole metal health issue, and my sister works with "classic" autistic kids. Bipolar is just something that I OUGHT to have, as an eccentric but sometimes quiet guy, and now this - I can make it look as another one of the things that stress out the beautiful me. I learned to be myself to the point where people tell me already I'm the "craziest person they know", and that's what they like about me. It's my speciality - having disorders and getting the best out of them

But seriously, telling people about Asperger's diagnosis, and a bit about it's meaning, well, it can only make things better for me, if at all... About everyone knows that I'm f**ked-up but a genius, that I can screen their phone calls but when they need me I try my best to help them, that I don't follow social rules and herd mentality but care about society in means fo equality, may seem remote but always show solidarity, and may not enjoy all their favourite comedies - but have my own style of humour, which they appreciate.

So basically, I have nothing to be afraid of, at least not when we're talking about my friends/family. Besides - we can't find ignority without showing NTs who we really are.

I'm not ashamed to tell about my AS. If people are freaked out by it or veiw me as less of a person when they find out that proves more about them than it does me.

my friends said when they learned of the dx... "Oh. We always knew you were weird. We liked you BECAUSE you were weird, not in spite of it." Which was nice

I don't like to tell people I have AS. I'm not ashamed of it, I'm just afraid of people patronising me. I hate being patronised and talked down to.