Who Do You Love? What Is Love?

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Is there anyone or ones in your life that you can honestly say you love? And if you care to elaborate, what is it about that person or those persons that make you love them? Why do you love them and how do you know that you love them? I think I love my husband, I think I love my children and grandchildren, I think I love my sister. Is there any kind of a test or any kind of mental-emotional measuring device, an equation of some kind, that can prove without doubt that you do actually love the person or persons you profess to love? What is love?

I like the definition of love which is "Willing someone's being", and find it fairly useful.

According to that definition I love my son, ( almost 100% of the time ), my parents and my sister, ( almost all the time ), my son's father, ( most of the time ), and various friends and relatives, some of the time.

I also "will" various other people's "being" to various degrees at various times, ( the shop assistant at the green grocer's when I want to buy some parsley for instance ), but it is so "partial" ( eg. the shop assistant; I only want a robot really ), that is rarely what I would call love ( it depends on how desperate, and then grateful, for the parsley I am ... almost literally! ).

What is it about people that makes me love them? I think it has a lot to do with proximity and sharing lives, and familiarity, but also with my own state of mind.

How would I prove that I love someone? I suppose by what I do for them, including how I react/respond to them when/if they are in need.

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I don't really know what love is but I'm expected to say I love you to my family.

What does it feel like cause I can care for people but I'm not sure if thats love.

Quoting Ouinon

I'm not sure I understand what it means to "Will someone's being", but I guess it would be the opposite of "not willing their being", or not caring if they were dead or alive, apathy to their existence. If that's the case, I can honestly say that I do not have apathy to their existence. I would miss, grieve, any of those I mentioned, some to greater degrees than others and some to such a degree that I'm not sure I would want to or would be able to go on living without them. But that all seems very selfish to me. It's as if I want them to live for my own happiness, or for what their living gives to me.

Quoting Ebonwinter

Our family is that way too. We always part company or end a phone conversation saying "Love you" and "Love you too."

I'm not sure what it is either, but from my experience, there is a lot of pain involved. I suppose when the pain surpasses the pleasure the love relationship is over. Unless you view your love as some kind of duty, and then it isn't really love anyway.

Quoting Ouinon

I wouldn't have met my husband if we didn't live and grow up in the same town, but there were many boys I could have been attracted. I think I fell in love with him because he was aggressive, and made the first moves. If it was up to me, I would not have made any advances toward him no matter how attractive he was. Before I met him, other boys turned me off if they got to close or tried to kiss me. This didn't happen with my husband, I never felt any repulsion to him. I don't know what that's all about.

I always feel like I could do more for the people I claim to love, and chastise myself when I don't do some simple thing for them. But really, there is only so much you can do without losing yourself doing things for others. I could be a better house keeper, but I hate housework. My husband loves a clean house and often extols the cleanliness of other people's houses, calling the "house wife" immaculate. "She's immaculate." Should I clean the house just to prove I love him so I can have his approval and be "immaculate" too? This drives me crazy. Should I do something I hate just to make someone else happy and prove to myself that I love them? I find myself doing that a lot.

Deleted, because it was kind of dumb and getting no responses. Never mind.

Last edited by elderwanda on 26 Jan 2010, 3:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I would call that chemistry, cosmiccat!

I find myself going through this, too. It's the opposite of what you describe here, for myself and my SO. He is indifferent to cleanliness, while I go insane of my surroundings get too cluttered or dirty. It's a good thing we don't live together, however much I love him.

Are you saying I need to clean the house ElderWanda? Cause it ain't gonna happen. Not until it gets to the point where I can't stand it any more. And that's a long way off.

Don't want to give the impression that we live in a pig sty. It's not like that. I'm just not into dusting and polishing and scrubbing and waxing and vacuuming on a regular basis. I always cringe when I hear someone say, "Her house is so clean you could eat off the floors." Who wants to eat off the floors?

Yes, my family and my dog. Love them to bits. I really do.

Huh? I'm sorry. I just put my little quote, made a snack for my kids, and now there are a bunch more posts I never saw before. I think a mistake was made, but I'll have to do some reading to find out.

They're probably too poor to afford real dinner plates.

What is love?
Baby don't hurt me, no more.

This is what I think love is:

- Forgiveness
- Compassion
- Patience
- Giving and receiving kindness
- Desire to help them when they are hurting, whether emotionally, mentally or physically
- Enjoying their company

Based on these criteria, I love my parents, my brother, my nana, and my cat.

I am almost void of reciprocal empathy so feel no bond with acquaintances, and no emotional desire for friendship. So for me love consists of the bond that developed between me and a few people who lived with me for a number of years. For two people, it is a truly deep and abiding bond, and for a handful of others, including siblings and my mother, it is somewhat less but nonetheless consists of a deep caring for and commitment to someone else's physical and mental welfare.

I also believe that a romantic loves exists that can be in a different category altogether. It consists of a strong physical and psychological excitement and interest that goes beyond mere sexual lust. I suppose it is what Hartz calls chemistry. I think I might experience this in a manner similar to NT's.

Styles of Love

What IdahoRose described sounds like Agape Love.

An example of Ludus love is the character of Charlie Harper from "Two and a half Men".

Eros is traditional "falling in love".

Love has always been very confusing to me. As a child; my mother had clinical depression and who knows what else but she didn't like being touched and so never touched us children. My father was just angry and I think was ashamed that I wasn't like the other kids. So I couldn't understand love from them..not even sure they had any?
As a teen I understood lust and thought it was love but now I know better. As an adult; I love my wife and children. I like being around them and I find the small children have an innocence that is very endearing. I know I would miss them greatly if they were gone. Outside of my immediate family though I have few feelings either way for other people. They are just there.