Why is this for hard for NT's to understand?

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I had stated a few times on another message board that if someone reason I can't be a vet, it's not worth it to finish high school/GED. Everybody jumped on me saying that I should get my deploma so I could do something else. Why can't they understand if I can't be a vet, I don't want to be anything. If I had a "fallback", I don't think I would have so much drive to be a vet. Even with a deploma or degree, it's going to be hard enough to get a job because I don't interveiw well. NT's sometimes have their minds set so set on a pitcliar boyfriend/girlfriend that if they get refused by them they will never date again. Why is to so hard to accept that if I can't be a vet, I don't want to do anything else?

I'd like to be a vet myself...

Maybe they don't understand the importance of what being a vet is. They might just see a diploma as a means to getting a job but not focusing on any specific one. Do you have specific interests (in this case being a vet) because of being on the spectrum? Nothing wrong with that in my opinion but NTs might not understand.

Wish I had the answer. But all I have are thoughts on the topic.

Becoming a vet is my special intrest/obsession.

Because, from the NT point of view, you can't be nothing. You have to be something. Even if it's just a job to make ends meet rather than a satisfying career. And even if one doesn't earn a living, that's still being something. Whether it's getting married and being a housewife, living off one's parents, or living off the government, it's being something. And choosing not to earn a living (except sometimes in the case of being a housewife or stay-at-home parent) is a socially frowned upon choice. For a good reason, if you think about it. Because a functioning society needs people to work. And note that not working and not starving to death would not be a choice without support of others.

Your problem has nothing to do with 'NT's' it is just those around you think they know what is best for you, this is a trait of just about every neurological variant.

From my perspective I find all this 'NT's this...." and "NT's that..." really quite vacuous.

If you are that keen to be a vet, having a fall-back plan will not affect your drive. To not even consider an alternative just in case it affects your drive suggests to me (though I cannot be sure of course) that you are scared to discover that you may be interested in something else. Don't let yourself be defined by some future job

There isn't anything to be scared of; nobody will say you do not have drive if you consider alternatives. I have been dead-set on my career since 16, but that did not stop me applying for a wide variety of courses just in case, and won't stop me considering alternative jobs along the way. So far I have stuck with my current path because it interests me most, but if something grabbed me further down the line, I would pick that.

Say you don't get into vet school and drop out, then what are your plans?



In my 9 years at an all-girls school, I have heard many people say they will never date again after a break up. I have yet to see it happen.

I just realized I misread the first post - you ARE still on the road to being a vet. Maybe they've misunderstood, as well? Anyway, this is what I wrote when I thought you were saying you could NOT become a vet AND did not want to do anything else, except I've taken out the totally inapplicable paragraph:

Because you are accepting defeat that has negative consequences to society. How are you planning to support yourself? All or nothing makes it sound like it has to be the career you want, or you won't work. Well, people who don't work are a drain on society and it's considered an unacceptable option. Everyone has to do stuff in life that they would rather not do because the name of the game is survival. If you want to pitch yourself onto a public safety net with no attempt to survive on your own, when you theoretically are capable of making a living and contributing, that isn't acceptable. No one wants to pay the taxes needed to carry you, especially when most of them are stuck working jobs they don't love, either.

I don't think most NT's have a lot of sympathy for the love situation you mentioned, either. It's very romantic, but not very pragmatic. I guess it's OK if the person doesn't whine about the loss or about being lonely, but if they do ... everyone will run, because no one wants to hear complaints about a self-constructed situation.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 25 Jan 2010, 8:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I had this with being an astronaut but the chances I become an astronaut are very slim at best. So I decided I could be an aerospace technician too. Or a mathematician. Or a quantum physicist. But either of these things will be fun to do. I guess that's my point. You can do other things.

I suspect those people were just trying to advise you not to "put all your eggs in one basket," as the saying goes. There's a powerful urban myth that says "faith moves mountains, don't let anybody tell you that you can't...." - personally I think it's a lot wiser to carefully assess the feasibility of any project that requires a big input of energy. Faith and enthusiasm can only take you part of the way.

I'm not sure that the moral objection to just living on benefits (when you don't absolutely need to) is all that valid. It would be if we lived in a society that sincerely tried to help those in genuine need, but when I see things like this:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/8465122.stm
then I can't really blame anybody for taking all the benefit opportunities they can find - try to play it too fair, and you'll just be like a candle in the wind. Best thing is to grab as much as you can from the tight-fisted State while you can, because the State is basically doing the same thing in reverse. There's also the argument that Aspies often have a much harder time in trying to knuckle under and do stuff that they don't find fascinating. Neurotypicals seem able to take an interest in boring things in a way that we often can't. The biggest problem would be the practicality of actually staying on benefits for a whole lifetime.

Anyway, I hope it doesn't come to that. If I were you I'd spend most of my time doing whatever it takes to get into the vet trade - we all deserve the chance to do the kind of work that we really love, if it's of social value and if we can show that we have a flair for it - but I'd also spend a little time in looking for a bearable alternative......the world is a dirty place and the powers that be would probably love to get you doing a soul-destroying, low-paid job, so it's wise to cover your back and make sure they can't do that to you. I hope you win the game and get to be a vet - it must be a wonderful thing to earn a living doing something you really enjoy.

Keep trying to become a vet, but please finish your deploma. It does matter. College degrees are another thing entirely. A college accepting you as a student without your deploma is new to me. Can that be done? Plus, where are you going to learn how to stitch puppies, and use the proper drugs to make them uncontious for surgery?

For NTs it is important to have diplomas and a plan to fall back onto.
There is also the phenomenon that a lot of people end up in a job they did not learn for or did not want to.

It is the same for myself. I really wanted to work in a laboratory on diseases or the mechanisms of medical conditions. First I ended up in a different study and even later I ended up in IT. Even when I put a lot of energy into working on a lab. Still a nice job in IT, though.

Did I leave my interest and did I betray my plans and ideals? Maybe.
Is it a bad thing? No, I showed myself I could be flexible and that gave my a positive feeling, being able to do different jobs.

Now back to your post...
Is it hard to understand that you only want to be a vet? No.
Do I think you should have a diploma? Yes, it gives you choices in the future, even if your choice is fixed at this moment.
Do I think you end up as a vet? No, because many people end up somewhere else.... but it will be a good job if you pursue your possibilities like you pursue them now.

This has very little to do with "AS" and "NT". It's solid advice to advocate finishing high school for anyone, regardless of his circumstance.

Also, I have known many high school students who did not want to pursue anything except: art, being a writer, being a doctor, etc. My cousin teaches Biology right now and when she was your age, she would have died if someone told her she couldn't be a vet. She is hardly typical, but NT. But then during Masters work, she became interested more in research, and more in cellular biology. So, there you go -- this is why for the most part, adolescents shouldn't be able to make life altering decisions.

Now isn't the time to solve the rest of your life. Now is the time to do what is ahead of you today - first things first. Good luck.

It's quite handy to have a diploma, that's why they say you should finish school. Not having a diploma makes it harder to find a job, being good or bad at interviews doesn't matter, it just increases the chance to get the yob. On the other side, suppose you would find another thing that you would like to become at some point in your life, if you have a diploma than you're probably closer to realising your dream. Degrees are another thing, there you have to have the drive to get them, because they need more work.

There is also the thing that going to school has it costs, and society pays them. So they (mostly NT's) don't like it if you have used money, without reaching the final goal, as they think it could be spend somewhere better (though that might not be the case from the persons view). And of course there is the 'I think to know what is best for you'-reason, which closely relates to the 'what I would have done in that situation'-approach (which can be quite bad, as you never know how the situation really is).

Though you should, IMO, think about such decisions (when/if the time comes). It is said that the unconsciousness makes better decisions in these kind of situations (where there are many factors in play).

The closest I ever came to suicide [luckily, I am not big on impulsive action, better at impulsive inaction] was when the door to my chosen path was slammed shut. Apparently. [in fact, it was just pushed almost shut but not latched].

Anyway, I figured - can't do this. Can't go home and NOT do this. Life is over.

This is not really the Spectrum talking - more often youth. A lot of young types of any neurology go into THERE IS NO WAY mode.

By a decade later, it was clear - there is always a way around. Not necessarily obvious or easy. If something SEEMS to block the vet route - don't believe it.

Psych experiment from a book I had as a child:

Cat, dog, chicken. bowl;s of appropriate food, and a stretch of fence blocking it off.

The chicken kept pecking at the wire.

The dog looked wistfully at the nice food.

The cat that walked by himself swished the tail and walked AROUND the end of the fence to chow down.

Be a cat. There is always an end to the fence.

Yep.....and it's usually the young who are very idealistic and won't accept "realpolitic." And sometimes they turn out to be right. I doubt that I'll ever really grow up - there are still scores of things that I will have no truck with, not because of wisdom or good logic, but because I just feel too strongly about it to be any different.