Why I think I might have AS

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Here are some reasons. They are not all of them. They are just the "ones" (I hate that word - sorry) I can think of right now. I don't want to bore you with too many.

Apart from my boyfriend and family, I have only one friend that I see regularly. All we talk about is computing.

The only way I can participate in a social occasion is by drinking a lot of alcohol and taking drugs.

I am constantly enraged by how illogical everyone else is.

I got a BA from Cambridge and a PhD from Sheffield (in logic and formal semantics) and then went back to work in a factory at minimum wage. I simply did not know how to get a better job. It took me years to find something and I am still earning hardly anything (although, thank goodness, I am now writing config files instead of packing boxes).

I can hear a tap dripping on the other side of the house, but often cannot tell if someone is trying to talk to me.

I love databases. I was overjoyed when my boss asked me to design one and make all the forms and user interfaces. I normalised it to perfection and piled on layer upon layer of checks, constraints and input validation. I thought it was beautiful. Then I realised I needed to make some changes, and that was when the trouble started! It was all wrapped up so tight, it took me days to unpick it. Then I had to hand it to someone else when I left the job. He had never seen anything like it and said it was impossible to maintain.

I bite my cheeks and nails savagely. I think I have stretched my face out of shape by trying to get to those hard-to-reach bits of cheek flesh.

I pick my nose in public because I can't stand the feeling of having anything in it.

I drop things and break things.

I alternate between being extremely tidy and being totally unaware of my surroundings, letting mess pile up around me.

People get intimidated by my logical way of discussing things and they think I want to score points. They misunderstand me and then they won't let me speak. They start shouting or withdraw. Sometimes I get so confused and angry that I freeze like a statue (feeling terrible pain inside) or scream and cry like a two-year-old. Occasionally in public.

People think I am "taking the piss" or trying to catch them out when I am just trying to get them to tell me what they mean. (Why do people never want to tell me what they mean? I think they assume that because I am intelligent I should just know. They think I'm asking in order to trick them. It's very confusing.)

I am completely bewildered by "normal" women. I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to be like that. They really are aliens. I get on a bit better with men. They can be loud and intimidating but at least they make slightly more sense.

-------------BUT------------

I need very frequent physical contact with my partner. I am very emotionally attached to him. Too attached, even. I am envious when he spends time with his daughter. I cling to him. I feel pain in my chest when he is cross with me. I cry a lot for these reasons.

Do you think that is compatible with having AS? I always read that AS makes you withdrawn and happier to be alone.

Also I don't really use routines that much. I have some routines but not to the level you would associate with AS.

Sorry, it sounds like I'm asking you to diagnose me. Of course you cannot. However, if reading this has made you have any thoughts then I would like to read them.

Thank you. Sorry I've been posting so much. It's a new toy. I'm sure you will hear from me less soon.

Sounds very much like the way my life has gone! Everyone is diffrent, like you I enjoy contact, with the right people (generally a partner). Routines are an intersting one, I have no obvious routines in my life, well at least I thought I didnt, but then I realized that I was thinking about it in slightly the wrong way, Routines can be anything, and show up even in the minds of the most apperntly disorganized person

which reminds, I've got no floor space in my bedroom again, time to try and tackle it before i break my ankle or knee (again)

You sound just like my AS daughter (apart from the alcohol and drugs). Don't be derailed by descriptions of AS in males it is not the same as AS in girls.

My daughter cannot form normal friendships with girls, she just doesn't understand hidden communications and yet she too has a boyfriend that she clings to. She also finds it easier to get on with boys, they are easier to read. For example, if she does something in class to upset one of the girls she gets back sly comments, dirty looks and is later talked about behind her back. She does the same to one of the boys and she gets told off, says sorry and then it's forgotten about.

http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly. ... 493&a=3370

Thank you for your kind replies!

Oh god, "hidden communications". What a nightmare. My boyfriend is very understanding, even though he does not particularly think I have AS. (Neither did I, until recently.) He just knows I am a person who needs to be told things straight. Maybe that's why I am so attached - I know he is OK. I trust him. That goes for the one friend I mentioned as well (and my two other friends who I see every year or so). They are few and far between but I know they will be honest with me.

At school, girls would laugh at me or pretend to be angry (or really be angry ... I certainly couldn't tell!) and when I asked what I'd done wrong they said, "You know what you've done". Obviously I didn't. I think they used to find this very amusing.

I can't help but smile here, because it seems I have found a little pocket of alien creatures similar to myself. Welcome to my planet! Ah, if only we didn't have such self-destructive stims! Mine was always picking at my skin, or (when I was in extreme distress) poking my skin with a safety pin until it bled, over and over. However, now that I'm in my forties and I've found my niche as a librarian, I find I hardly feel the need to do it, and never with a pin anymore. I find that I stuff my stress instead, eventually going a bit nuts, retreating into a dark room and plugging my ears and rocking back and forth, thereby weirding out my kids (if hubby is bothered by it he doesn't show it).

I guess what got me where I am (which clearly does not qualify as "There") is acceptance of those things I cannot change. That includes my AS, as well as my kids' Spectrum disorders. I am not a failure, and it's perfectly acceptable that my kids and I are weird. It is what it is, and we daily do what we can with what we have. Other peoples' opinion? Inconsequential. However, I find that most folks (in the adult world) are much less critical that I think they will be.

Creating maintainable databases and programs is a skill that can be learnt. Don't lose heart.
(it's my trade, so I'm not just saying it)

Thanks. Don't worry, I love programming, and I couldn't stop if I wanted to - so there is no chance of me losing heart!

I only mentioned the database disaster because it seems to me like a rather aspergic thing to do - to make one that was so perfect it was impractical!

I have learned my lesson and I now I really try to think of usability as well as pure logic!

Every time I read posts like this about other people that have AS, I feel better. I've been here a while and it's just a relief to know I'm not a dysfunctional unit but simply a different model.

hiyo nice to meet one of my alumni here. I just read through the symptoms section on wikipedia and was led here. How fitting some of the description of symptoms are when I reflect on my own!

I suspect there are probably a few of us here

Hi Anomie. I can't wait until you choose another name because you have found a good place for yourself.

Hi Aporisit.
Welcome to WrongPlanet!

*waves idly to the pair of you*

The diagnostic criteria vary from place to place - I don't actually know the English ones, and I really should - the American DSM IV ones (themselves under revision) are fairly flexible when it comes to routine - it's a "one or more from this list" thing rather than a "this, this and without this, nothing" thing.

No, that is a stereotype. I have a poster at school where you can see various traits of autism and there's two that say you can be either reclusive or very demanding of attention. It's probably possible that both are present.

Hi!

The need for physical contact is a possible sign of a sensory characteristic of autism. I love deep/heavy touch! Possibly you should look in to getting a weighted blanket.

Best wishes - the rest of your life will be a tad bit more interesting now that you know about the spectrum

I have the exact same experience, I used to program databases before photography took over my life.
When I completed a project it was so annoying how most people can't understand the simplest relationship, I'd usually start glowing red with anger and have to leave the room.

I'm also very close to my wife, we haven't wilfully spent a day apart in the 10 years we've been together.