Why I hate being an aspie

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Started my new job today.

Its in a great location in the heart of the city of London (i love busy environments where noone else cares what you are like), my colleagues are really nice people, good pay, fairly easy work but at the same time even after the first day I hate it, because the we all have to be "team players". And everyone is generally close to each other, love to chat and have lunch together. Im afraid if i will try to slowly break away from that the others will look down on me.

Ive already got it in my mind ill be leaving after a year or so. Thats really negative and I dont want to think like that. I feel stupid, an almost perfect job and im complaining, i shouldnt be complaining i should happy and looking to to make a career out of it. I feel like a spoilt child, but in the end I just want to me left alone.

Don't worry I hope good things will come your way in regrads to your new job. Things can be tough I know but don't give up. Maybe try to befriend your the other team players. Maybe people will come your way. Hey it could happen.

I work in an environment with lots of interaction, too, but what works for me is not giving a lot of personal information - I am helpful and with my memory and that sort of thing I remember all the fine details of my job better than most people - but when it comes to more than facts, talking about my cats, rats, and what I've watched on the Discovery channel that is it . . .
In other words, it gives the appearance of closeness without any closeness . . .

Now, there are two people at my work that I actually really get along with - one of whom knows I'm autistic - but the other 50 people I work with see me as friendly but distant - which is perfect . . .

This type of situation is why I think I am going to get an official diagnosis, When this type of thing happens, I would rather tell everyone I am an aspie, than whatever you call that other thing. I have experienced the other thing, and variations of it, enough. I want to see if it is any different if they know what I am.

Congratulations on your new job, Jonny. New jobs are often overwhelming the first few days. I think it will get better after you have been there for a while. Do the coworkers do the chatty group lunch thing every day or just once a week?

I live in Beirut, Lebanon. The problem in my country that only or almost doesn’t understand what autism means. Most of people here think that autism is a psychological disease which it is scientifically wrong because we all know that autism is a mental disorder comes by birth and caused by some genetic factors.
So why I don’t tell anyone about it to my colleagues at university cause i am sure that they would think i am psychologicly sick.

exactly - that is why I don't tell people, either . . . plus I have bipolar, also - and there have been so many high profile criminals with bipolar - but when I get manic I just do a lot of house and yard work - not even think about hurting people . . . and when I get depressed the only one I want to hurt is myself . . .

stupid media . . .

Most of the world doesn't understand what aspergers is.

It may be difficult for you to believe that proper social environment is a serious pre-requiste for a good job. Serious like no threat of being robbed while working, but that is just because the vast majority of people are not aspergers and don't have that problem. For us, that is a valid and important condition in the job environment. It is not childish.

Thanks for the support guys.

But it got worse, had a "team lunch" today. I tried to talk as much as I could, but i never know when to come into the conversation, and when I do nobody responds. I feel like such an idiot and I think I come across as a bit simple, Ive noticed people dont look at me anymore when they are talking to people round me, either I have a scary face or they dont like me.

There is a probationary period, I think I can definately pass it on work related terms, but i got the feeling they may dismiss me for not 'fitting in with the team', if thats possible. To be honest i hope i do get let off, but i dont really want to let my parents down, they were really proud of me when I got the job.

My last company was better because it was about 100x bigger and nobody really cared about each other.

This is more stressful than getting flak from my parents for being unemployed, but I need the money.

Oh god I cant take it anymore.

You know, what you said might be the key - working somewhere big - I had a problem when I worked for a small company - very small - like 8 employees - two of them were and are very important people to me, but even seeing them everyday was hard - now I work at a very large place (a city) and I don't have nearly the problems - maybe there are just more people I can irritate or something . . .

I got a crude reminder today that a positive social environment, for most people, is a prerequisite for doing much of anything useful (was called a name and accused of having an 'attitude' by someone who consistently doesn't finish their work... I do internal auditing, so I have to check on these things & try to rectify practical problems). Of course some amount of acceptance is important to me in my everyday environment, but having different social needs and a curt communication style tends to aggravate others' insecurities.

Moral being that an extra effort to let people know you're not being intentionally uncommunicative or disrespectful (as they see it) can be important. So my complaint about being an Aspie is typical: other people and their social expectations. Pretty sure that my comparative usefulness to the company will be apparent once the boss gets my incident report.

Best of luck & accomodation, Jonny. I wish it were as simple as saying "I'm an Aspie, that's all."

Update... it was. Points for function over form.

Is it possible to talk to your supervisor about it so they can understand the social aspects of the job can be difficult for you? Not sure if it would help, but perhaps it would.

Maybe you're trying too hard? Just be yourself. If you have something to say, try to say it. If you don't want to say anything then just sit there and listen. As long as you try to offer suggestions on work-related matters when the job requires it then people shouldn't mind that you're not into gossip and trivial social conversation.

I find that the less I say, the more people want to hear my opinion. Some others just never shut up, and when they have something important to say people don't pay as much attention to them.

oh definately, come to london. You could run around naked .... sure people will look at you, but noone would care

The smaller the company, the more close knit the employees are.



I could then say good bye to any future promotion prospects. Most companies just dont have the time and motivation to deal with people like us, especially in a big city like London. Having said that, i dont exactly know how my supervisor would react if i told him, but i dont want to risk it either. And the fact that I havent been officially diagnosed with AS will make it sound stupid.

Jetson, perhaps I am. But being myself in social situation is precisely the problem I have. I mean Im not super intelligent, but im not stupid either, but I think I really do come across as stupid. I can imagine myself in 3rd person, i just make so many speaking mistakes and social blunders