I don't get the whole girls/women "blend in stuff!"

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I remember trying to stand out be the center of attention in Elementary and College (looking back on it) I want people to talk to me etc.! !! !! Most stuff I read says we "blend in" I don't remember EVER DOING THIS! If I "blended in" so well why do I have no friends!! !! I saw an old friend today and as we were leaving mom said say bye so I did quietly and waved gently. I fealt so odd!! !! ! Can any other girls relate to "not blending in?" Thanks.

I think it because boys are more likely to get picked on physically than girls.
Girls are also more accepting to differences, as I saw in my childhood and teen years. I liked to be on my own and I'd get invited to sit with groups of girls. They didn't care if I sat there and said nothing.
It doesn't always happen though, which is probably in your case.
Maybe you tried too hard to get friends. People don't like it when you are too desperate. Sorry if that sounds offensive, it's just the way I'm seeing it.

I just focused on my studies, occasionally got made fun of, and generally got ignored. I do think females with autism aren't picked on so much at school--but from what I've heard we seem to be much more likely targets for domestic violence, including both child and spousal abuse. No statistics on it, except that autistics are far more likely to be crime victims than NTs; the stats specifically on autistic women would be interesting to me.

Yes I think through out life I was desperate in the social making friends category and sadly not understanding social rules which lead to the College issues and overall experiences in my life. I had a few friends but also focused on studies at times. For instance for College while lets say "Joe" is focused in class in turn so much so he's stressed for me College was laid back have a good time have fun (as you might feel on vacation) to have this behavior in class was (unknown to me at the time) inappropriate BUT! What "Joe" DIDN'T SEE! was I WAS SERIOUS when I got home while he might have went and did his social activity stuff I was slaving on research papers/school work since I love learning so much. (Sure I'd go to an occasional movie/outing if I had friends but I didn't then and don't now) BUT I don't believe in putting social activity over school work. Even with videogames it was beat a boss/level back to school work not obsessed forever into them as I am now sadly. (I was balanced between school/gaming.)

I did not blend in at all. I was from a prominent and eccentric catholic family in an almost exclusively protestant area in a wealthy area of the city. Our house was ramshackle, broken down and totally chaotic. (You might say the parents were a tad challenged with regard to managing executive functioning AND 8 children!) It was a rather "autistic" household.

At school, I did not blend in either. I was extremely individual, clever and also troubled. I acted out.
I had my own system of rules and my own way of living and doing things which was in accordance with my own rules and routine, and the school system did not really fit in with how I lived as a young teen and girl with an ASD and with very little home support or emotional backup from parents.

I was bullied in high school by female peers for being different and by male peers for being asexual, strange and eccentric. I was targeted by a group of female peers and a few males for being "frigid." I was respected by some teachers for being VERY clever and was targeted by some teachers for refusing to try to fit in.
I was sexually abused by two class mates in primary school because I had no idea what was happening, why, or how to say anything. I was naive in the social/emotional realm and a gifted student in the intellectual/academic realm. That pattern of abuse continued for many years because of AS naivety. I was also bullied when I went to prison briefly. Being a monologuer does not go down well in a womens institiution full of damaged people - some of whom have lost the capacity to care for their fellow humans.

Fortunately the past 12 years have been free from that kind of thing.

In the 70's and 80's they didn't have a clue what was wrong with me. I did not fit ANY box they used to try to explain my confusing presentation.

I think that blending in is far overrated. I just be myself, and I don't care what others think of me.

Well, I can safely say that I was much abused, by other females in grade school, to the point of physical assault on at least two occasions. These "clever" girls managed to get the boys to join them, in the teasing, tormenting, and physical abuse. My mother was forced to place me in private school, after a particularly vicious assault. I of course, went on to be abused, in the first long term relationship I entered. I am glad to say that I haven't tolerated any further abuse, coercion, guilt tripping, or manipulation, for the past 20 years!

I am very happy to read that you broke the cycle.
That is wonderful.

So am I! It wasn't easy, and took years of therapy, and brutal introspection.

^ I can relate.

I am still naive and struggle with allowing unsuitable people in to my life, here and there.
But I am FAR improved in this regard and need to maintain a kind of cognitive awareness about it as much as possible. I am aware of my limitations here, and that is perhaps the most important place I can try to operate out of.

In my childhood and especially in my teens, it was really hard for me to make and keep female friends, because I always said and did things that intimidated them. It didn't help that a few of the girls were outright cruel to me because I didn't fit in with them. I had a much easier time befriending boys, and in fact my only friends throughout junior high were male.

In my adulthood, however, things are quite different: women around my age or older have a tendency to see me as a "younger sister figure" and befriend me, while I am largely ignored by men.

Count me in as another female who didn't blend in and who was severely physically bullied in school. I still have less than full hearing in one ear from a beating.

I'm slowly learning how to blend in now. I have realized that I have low impulse control and that has caused me to blurt out things a lot. So that's the number one thing I'm working on right now -- learning to keep my mouth shut. I've still got a long way to go but I can already see improvements in how others relate to me (or don't.)

I do my own thing and avoid mainstream society. I have friends who are accepting of individuality, as well. I like an obscure part of the 60s, and I have nothing to hide. The people where you ladies live, must be pretty nasty. I dream of a world, where everybody can be just who they are, one day.

Well... I knew I wasn't the societal "normal" as a child so I never tried to be something I wasn't. Trying to be anything other than my blend of strange is lying. I can't stand lying.

From a teacher perspective I blended in. When little I never made much noise and was never in trouble. Later I would be the third wheel, but I don't think it was noticeable from the outside. As a teenager I made a point of repelling people who were intolerant and thus started dressing different and voicing my opinions regardless of what other people thought. Now I blend in again, because of superficially good social skills and the fact that I never interact long enough with people (outside my family) to really stand out.

When I stick to myself and keep relatively quiet I blend in pretty well.

CR...it took me years and years, but I have reached this place in my life too.
I occasionally let in someone to my life who turns out to be unsuited or destructive to me, but I am much better.
I do not live in the mainstream world either. I never have.
And I have found that there are truly good people everywhere - of all description.

When I get negative or down or depressed I forget this, and this happened recently where I plugged in to being negative about the world and people in it.

But really when I step back and look at my life, I believe I am lucky now to live as I do and to have a few people in my life who accept me for who I am.
And those people are accepting of individuality in all its forms and guises and expressions.