Social character compared to your real character

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What social front do you put on in front of people you don't know? I went on a course today and mentioned the fact i suffer from an ASD, and the trainer said that would have never guessed, I did make an effort to be friendly, nice and laid back. Which I think means that I've found a way to be socially acceptable, I just spend most of the time smiling and listening to what she said.

How many of you use the same technique to get by socially? Of course I only be completely myself with people I know, and though I am a fairly laid back person I am very chatty when in the right mood.

I do not put on a social mask.
My symptoms actually become more severe when I am with people I do not know well.

Last edited by ursaminor on 17 Feb 2010, 11:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

i guess most of us have to put somewhat of a mask on in social situations

Well, I don't participate in social interactions* with anyone but my mother. I can talk to others in a purely mechanical sense, whether it's answering a question with facts or asking for something, but outside of this, I don't have anything "social".

*Which are of the one-sided make where I talk on and on about my interest and she has to interrupt me to get anything through.

I'm not always quite up to it, but I usually just mimic the people around me so they don't bug me as much.

Half the time i'm practically myself just only half of myself is shown.... behind that mask, I'm just a shy person which weird obsessions. Yet I can still make a joke about anything.

The problem with me is that I put on a mask that I can NEVER seem to help putting on. On the surface nearly everybody I know seems to think I'm this cutesy kind of girl who can be constantly shy and gets irritated really easily. No matter what I do or wear, people associated me as this no matter what...and oh yeah...we cant forget the quiet girl label...the most despised label that I am given on a daily basis.

On the inside, I both fear and despise the world and my concerns and passions go off the far range of cute. I use to be into cutesy things alot but it's hard to like these things anymore once people started putting a label on me. The things I like now are for the most part nobody's business or they're downplayed and my style is more angsty but not in a gothic or emo kind of way.

I run out of stuff to say.

I put on a social mask, when I'm around a whole bunch of people. I don't want them to find me out. I also keep my special interests top secret.

I like the comment that we all wear masks, totally agree. I didn't try to long ago, though still did to a degree. Now I force myself to try to seem friendly in social situations. I'm by no means the center of any party, but I do make an effort to say hi to folks and smile.

A mask - yes
Phony - to a degree, but not in an adverse way
Makes my life easier - no
Makes my life more successful - yes

Err, the only social contact I have is going to shops (dealing with the cashier) or speaking to the local busker....I try to stick to the situation at hand, and my aim is to come across as friendly and polite and intersted in what is being said, but yes, pretty-much any time I leave the house I don a 'mask' so to speak.

I've also learned when not to speak, as in, canvassers trying to stop me in the street I always used to get stopped and they always were able to deftly talk me into signing up to whatever it was (just so they would stop talking to me!) now I know I'm perfectly within my rights to just keep walking.

I was insulted the other week when I had an interview with someone about helping me find work and she said to me,

"Oh, but you seem so normal"

(me, thinking in my head.)

"Well, oh gee, thanks for your opinion, it wasn't wanted."

But it's exhausting, the longer you have to keep up the act the more tired you feel, I used to get killer migraines as a result of trying to look as 'normal' as possible. These days it's not so bad because I keep contact with other people so brief.

Nobody has ever stated that I seem normal.
But everyone that knows I have autism sees that I am not normal.
I do not bother with social masks because of my near apathy towards people who need social interaction.

Part of the reason that I have struggled so much is that I've never been able to put on a social mask. In fact, when I am my real self, I am a lot more socially able than when I can't be myself. Most unfamiliar social situations mean that I can't be myself but I can't pretend to be anyone else either, meaning that I get the constant label "the weird, quiet girl." When I am myself around people, they don't think I'm any less odd - far from it - but people tend to regard me as "good-weird" rather than "bad weird." (If anyone can tell me what this means, I'd be very grateful.)

But when I can be me, I socialise far better (albeit in an unusual and unorthodox way) than when I can't be myself, and close up completely.

I don't "put on a mask", really; but the person I am when I'm in public, I can only be because I'm trying very hard to communicate. In private, I can drop most of the effort and appear as autistic as I like. I don't really worry about things that are appearance-only, like stimming in public (I'll do it anyway, so why worry about it), but interacting with other people takes up a lot of brain space anyway. I have to concentrate very hard to do it.

So, what people see in public looks like I can do more than I actually can. What they see is what I can keep up for short periods of time. I guess it's a little like looking at a sprinter and assuming he can run a marathon at that pace.

Hey Mattc,
nice Newtonian Dob in your avatar pic.
I don't really have a mask. I try to be nice and polite, but often run out of things to say and am left standing there awkwardly.

Apparently I put on a real good show to those I need to! I wouldn't want to say I fake, as much as I make an effort to fit in/not seem like a weirdo to those who don't know me well enough to understand. Those close to me know the real me, some I have mentioned being on the spectrum to and explained and a few I have not, but they do understand I am odd and accept everything about me, which is what matters most anyhow! When I do have to act like an NT to some degree (for example, work!), things occasionally go so wrong that they wind up going right. Here's an example. I had a fellow co-worker who is ranked higher than I am, therefor I do have to listen to and respect them, but they are not the big boss. Anyhow, this co-worker was leaving the room for a moment and I was about to leave also, and they said 'stay right there, i'll be right back!'. Usually i'm okay with not taking things in a literal sense, and deep down I KNEW they didn't mean that I could not walk around the room, but for some reason I stayed in place...exactly. They walked back in the room, observed this and laughed (not in a mocking way of any sort). I then thought, 'ah, i interpreted something wrong again/didn't think enough about it before acting, i bet they suspect now...' and they turned around and said, 'that was really funny! you're kind of like an autistic!'. Mind you, I work with children on the spectrum, so this person was highly knowledgeable from an outsiders POV on autism. I just had to laugh, because apparently I am so good at fitting in that even when I do something autistic. I am acting LIKE one, instead of being one.