"What now?"

Post Reply New Topic

I was recently diagnosed with AS.... I just wondered. What did anyone here with AS feel after they were diagnosed. Obviously whether or not they suspected AS will be a contributing factor to this. I was already 'highly suspicious', so it was no real shock... though knowing for definate is somewhat of a comfort for me... I know why I have the issues I do.

_________________
Aspergic - Super-friendly Aspergers Discussion Forum
http://www.aspergic.com
Check it out.

I was a kid when diagnosed so I didn't really think anything after that. I didn't even know what it was then. But I felt like a freak and stupid and abnormal. I thought it was no wonder I was stupid. I thought struggling in school meant I was stupid because kids had always told me I was. I couldn't understand how can smart people struggle in school? Wouldn't they be able to do their school work and not have a hard time with it? But lot of the times I didn't think about AS. I didn't put much thought into it until I was 14. Then I started reading about it and that explained everything.

I was never surprised or felt relieved or celebrated the label when diagnosed. It was never a big deal for me. Now today I don't have to worry about wondering if I could have it or not or worry about getting tested and having to write down a list of things I do and listing down what I remember in my childhood and worry about involving my parents. It's all been done in my childhood.

I had a couple of problems - first, I had to take the DX to my employer and negotiate some adjustments before they burned me out completely. I hated playing the "get-out card" like that, even though it was quite genuine.......I don't like bringing bad news to a corrupt authority. And the adjustments haven't been designed to keep me interested in the job - more like a very nonspecific cutting back on my duties, no fine tuning to the exact problems of my condition at all.

Socially, it was sad to realise that most people know so little about AS that it's often pointless to tell them about it.

Suddenly I was part of a stigmatized group. I've never had to cope with the knowledge that I have an incapacity before.........I guess I used to prop myself up with the notion that I was not radically different to anybody else, and that anything the average Joe could do, I was also equipped to do. It takes the edge off my social confidence to have this "socially inept" self image. I'm probably more likely not to try and shine in a social situation because of that awareness that I may be setting myself up for a blunder.

It's also shaken my confidence in my normal way of dealing with people, i.e. I can no longer imagine that their feelings are much the same as mine would be, so they're even more of a black box to me than ever, because I can't use myself as a guide to what they're experiencing. Stuff like "do as you would be done by" makes less sense now.

There's also the problem of joining a group who aren't getting the recognition they need. Benefits officials, health workers and employers don't usually seem like they want to know......so you go through the DX but not a lot really changes, which is disappointing.

I think it'll come out fine in the end, but I was a long time not knowing, and the change in self-perception will probably remain quite painful for some years, here and there.