Getting wound up in social situations

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Hi everyone,

I am wondering if someone could shed some light on the situations that seem to happen to me pretty often, and in which I am not sure if it is me who is being rude or if it is the other side who is inconsiderate.

I seem to have some apsie or autisitc traits, which were never diagnosed, however I score high on most of the aspie tests.

Basically I seem to be:
a) very sensitive to peoples energies, I seem to feel drained much sooner than others, and often need a mental break from being around people.
b) have trouble concentrating and processing two things at once, especially when one of the things is social and the other one requires me to think abstractly.

In the past, when I felt that I reached my social limit and started to feel that my mental space is being invaded, I went into "preservation mode" and either just left the group for a while or demanded distance from them, which I am sure made some feel uncomfortable.

Now I think that I have become more aware of my quirks and try to explain things to people before it gets to a stage where I appear to be rude.

However it seems that this doesn't work with some people, particularly with my ex partner, who should know me well enough in my opinion.
We had a really annoying battle today where I ended up being really wound up.
We went to the store to pick something up on our way back from a walk- there was not much at home to make dinner.
(we still share a place, not the best option!, but we try to make it amicable)
He didn't tell me, but I think he didn't wan to be in the store, and that's why he acted as if he wanted to leave it ASAP.

He demanded that I tell him what I wanted for dinner, I answered that I don't know, and that I need to see what is in the store to decide. He didn't accept this and kept pushing me to make a decision, but I could not do that because his mental energy was stopping me from concentrating on figuring out what I wanted.

I wanted to have a short wander around the store without him hovering behind my back, but he felt that this would have been really rude to him, me having to be a few minutes on my own to concentrate and figure out what were the options.
I just felt so incredibly pressured and claustrophobic- I could not tell him what I wanted if he was there asking me it- I would have needed to step away from him for a minute to gather my thoughts,
I tried to explain how I felt, but he just thought that I wanted things done my own way and that was it.
These situations keep repeating themselves: whenever I say "Sorry I cannot do 2 things at once, I need a bit space to think" people get upset that I am alienating them from the situation (actually it is mostly my ex, but he claims that others felt the same about me, now I am not sure if this is true or if he just trying to say it to make me feel bad).
Is there any other way I could say it?
Is it me who is the problem, or not?
I seem to meet people who are totally o.k. with me being like that and being open about this, There are also others who don't seem to comprehend my quirk and get offended when I ask them for a bit of mental space. When I was a teen, I would have dismissed them as being those people who don't respect others boundaries, but I am not that sure if the problem is with them any more.
Did any one have any similar experiences?
How to deal with this?
This is a bit of a rant...thank you for reading

hello reindeer-
you have a lot on your plate but from your own description you seem to be doing relatively well. you mention multitasking bwo a social and abstract task [albeit with some difficulty]- i for one could only do one or the other, never both simultaneously. just the same it is stressful to handle 2 things at once.
you are further stressed by an uncooperative ex, too bad you have to be in the same place. i have found from working 'round couples that a lot of relationship stress is endemic to the relationship! some folk simply aren't compatible and don't belong together. end the relationship, end the stress.
am sure you are not "the problem" but being around less-than-agreeable folk is the problem. you cannot be anything other than just the way you are, and folk who accept you as you are do matter, while folk who don't accept you don't matter. the folk who get offended when you assert your right to your space, you can bet they would lash out at anybody else who denied them their space. lots of hypocrisy in the social world.
god bless:+)

You are not alone dear person........I feel like I am yelling into the void most of the time.......and the void appears as a carbon based life-form with 2 legs

Sorry, can't be more proactive......I am still trying to work it out myself. I think I am being clear, but then I just get angry and walk off.......they can come to my party for once.

Take care,

Mics

Well, alone you ain't. The account sounds somewhere between me and my wife, rings all kinds bells.

I have found - killing yourself to try to conform does you no good and fools nobody. I used to try more, but self preservation and understanding the futility make me less into the effort.

I have found - better to say nothing than to try to explain EXCEPT with a very small number of types who will listen and either relate or accept. The majority, if you talk about it, will figure you are faking or you need to snap out of it or reject you as a weird sicko. You can usually tell which ones they are.