Do you blame things on your diagnosis?

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Do you ever say things like: "I'm sorry, I have Asperger's/autism (or another diagnosis) and that's why I ..."
I don't. I never blame things on my Asperger's. I just try to do my best in all situations and I don't feel comfortable in telling others about my diagnosis.
I don't want to admit that I have trouble with things either, although that is very significantly anyway.

My sister who may has ADHD always says: "Because I perhaps have a diagnosis, I can't help that I am doing this", but she is so wrong!

To explain is okay according to me.

I try not to. But some things are obvious that it's my AS such as taking things literal. No, I don't tell anyone I have it.

I use it to help provide perspective for the other party where I feel it may help explain things uniquely well, but I don't use it as an excuse, no.

I don't to others, but to myself, I fear it's kept me from getting the job I want

I always tell that it is due to my Asperger when I mess up. I mean, the reason I mess up is often a combindation of

1) Not knowing the rules of the game/ expectation of other ppl

2) Not knowing social language which leads to silly misunderstandings. Think of someone not knowing English very well and when he tries to say "flag" he instead says the insulting four letter word and then everyone gets mad at them.

Now, in either of these two cases, don't you think people should at least know that it was a misunderstanding? Otherwise it would never occur to them and they are mad at you for no reason. Now, in my case that is happening with vast majority of people I interact with, and most people REFUSE to listen to me when I tell them about my Asperger. Do you see how frustrating it might be to get yourself rejected constantly despite having good intentions? Well thats why I have to tell about Asperger.

If I have to tell people about my AS, they sure are that ignorant because they needed a label to understand me better.

People can know it was a misunderstanding without needing to hear I have AS because everyone has misunderstandings.

Not just misunderstandings.

It is often extremely difficult to understand why we dislike social situations, why we sit and wring our fingers or tap a pencil incessantly, why we show odd speech intonation, seem to totally misread things, and also say things which are read in completely unintentional manners.

Knowing that my head is wired differently, that it isn't just something I do because I feel like it, and that I'm not broken or sick... it's helped those around me "get" me at different level than they did before, which is satisfying.

Oh those misunderstandings. But really, it's not that hard to listen to us when we explain ourselves without using the label. But if they still can't understand until we say it, they are that ignorant because in order to get them to listen, we had to tell them the A word. I feel I shouldn't have to tell people to get them to listen. I left my office clerk thinking I don't use my common sense when I worked swing shift. He was just ignorant and I did tell him my problems without using the A word when the situations come up.

Like I said, remember how hard it is for you to predict what NT's will say/do/think or how they will react to things which would be totally obvious to you.

The reverse holds as well, many have the impression that we just do this stuff because we like to do it, or it's how we grew up, or that we're just choosing to act differently, rather than that we actually process and register things in a different manner in our heads.

No, because I don't go out there and advertise my condition to everybody. The people I've told about it are those who know very well what AS is, so there's no point in making excuses to them. The only time I've had to explain something I did to someone in terms of my AS is to my closest friend, who's neurotypical, on the phone. It makes me very frustrated to have to do so, because even though he tries his hardest, he still doesn't completely understand my pattern of thinking and the reason behind why I choose to do and not to do certain things...
I don't blame anything on my condition. If a problem comes up, I just explain why I'm having the problem in as much detail as possible without directly mentioning AS. Because it's just a label for something that's part of me, and I'm responsible for my own actions, anyway.

Well, if I didn't, I wouldn't need a label to begin with.

The label is there to tell others why I can't do this or that; I don't care at all whether it's there or not apart from this reason.

I don't blame anything on my AS. I blame a lot of things on my teenage past and society, though. High School turned me off of society and my generation.

Can't. My husband would see it as me "making excuses" and so would a lot of other ppl. They did it before I ever said the word "Asperger", when all I could say is "I can't do that", so I have no reason to believe that would change due to a diagnosis.

~Kate

I haven't done this yet, as far as I remember. I've noticed a lot of things that I've done "wrong" because of AS, but I really wouldn't expect most people to understand what I was talking about, and I'd half expect them to conclude that I was just making excuses, so generally I wouldn't bother. It might be different if I knew anybody who was particularly interested and sympathetic to my condition, but apart from the folks here on WP, who don't have to deal with me in real time, I don't know anybody like that yet.

If my employer started gunning for me because of some AS-related problem, than I'd almost certainly blame AS in my defense, in order to protect my livelihood. Similarly, if I were under serious attack from anybody else because of my condition, I'd definitely consider explaining my behaviour in terms of AS. But it hasn't been necessary so far.

The reason I see it as a tool of last resort is that I find it really difficult to explain to others how AS affects my behaviour, especially if they're turning hostile, and like I said, I doubt that many of them would believe me or take the trouble to understand.

I did explain the condition to a couple of people when I was first diagnosed, but it seems to have had no effect on either of them. Luckily, neither of those people are any more powerful than I am - if they want to ignore what I've told them, then that's fine as long as they don't give me any crap, and if they do, then I guess I'll remind them that I tried to warn them that there are some expectations that can't realistically be applied to me....if that doesn't cut any ice, then to hell with them. It'd give me more time to find people who are a little more patient and caring. But I'm hopeful that it won't come ot that.

Anybody who's interested in my condition, I'm quite happy to try to explain it to them if they just ask. But I'm not likely to volunteer much unless there's a very pressing need.

I don't tell people outside of close family. I sometimes hint around the edges, but that's all. I recently told a friend about some childhood trauma, and I didn't even feel right doing that. I'm not 100% sure I have it as opposed to just having a collection of various neuro-divergent traits.

Last edited by Shadwell on 22 Feb 2010, 11:18 am, edited 3 times in total.

Not my style. One of my problematic social defects is that I explain, don't excuse. And I don't do that much. I will say, sorry, I have no sense of time. I will say, sorry you feel that, but this is how my expressions are, this is the way I talk.

Most people in my environment with whom such an excuse COULD work are either here or finbe with me already.