overcoming the feeling of loneliness

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I like being alone. I'm fine with my interests. People stress me out. Yet I still feel lonely, and wish for companionship. It's like someone feeling hungry yet being incapable of eating. I do not relate to people and have no opportunities to make friends.

Is there anyway to stop loneliness some other way? I'm jealous for those that are completely content alone, and wish I were the same because the feeling is nonsensical.

I do not recall feeling lonely as a small child, so therefore it should be possible to revert back to that state somehow. I was better off being completely ignorant of people and not knowing that people had complex social and emotional interactions amongst eachother.

I understand what you mean. It's such a contradictory feeling.

pets help.

I know what you mean, I actually thought about this earlier today. I've been depressed lately and when I heard the gym employee mutter to his co-worker "awkward" as I left after signing up for membership I just felt really lonely, down and wanted to hide away from society...but at the same time the loneliness of being at home alone felt just as bad...

Getting a pet, check out tons of books you are interested in, hit the gym, hiking, tv/video games work to some extent with me but they are just distractions nothing to help actually overcome the loneliness. I'd say go make an aspie friend who can at empathize (how ironic) with you not matter what they are interested in since he/she would also understand the reasoning behind your actions and thoughts.

Ditto.

They often make a good friend, everytime I would ever felt like that, I would be with my dog and that would normally cheer me up and keep me occupied, especially when I was having a very bad time with somebody, so it definitely helps.

jerk.



i think that's my new favorite emoticon. "hmph"

I get this too. I've recently got a rescue cat (he's sitting on my lap while I'm typing this) and I've found he's helped a lot, as he loves attention but at the same time I don't have to worry about what I say/how I act around him, as he's thinks I'm a-ok as long as I keep feeding him

But I quite often feel like I really want to be sociable, then when I do go out to parties, etc I quite often wish I was at home instead, because the reality never quite matches up to the ideal I had built up in my head.

You have my sympathies. And well-said. It is like being hungry and yet incapable of eating. Or like being hungry but being unable to open your mouth to eat because you have lockjaw, so you starve to death while you watch the people around you eat. At least, this is how it feels when at its worst.

I find I am less lonely when I'm not around people, so that might help. I felt okay and content being alone when I was a hermit, and thought that I had reached a point where I might be able to find contentment in a life of solitude. Still, I decided to give the social thing another try before dedicating myself to what I thought still had the potential to be a very sad existence (I was afraid that my contentment would wear off over the years, and I would find myself alone and lonely, too old or disconnected from humanity to change my mind). Since I have been trying the social thing, however, it has become like you describe again. Still, I haven't quite given up on human relationships. Part of my brain acknowledges that it is probably not healthy to sequester oneself away from them entirely. Most of them might not be worthwhile, and may in fact be detrimental, but I have learned from this social experiment that connection is apparently possible.

Maybe that was useless. It doesn't contain much in the way of advice, does it? I would say to continue to cultivate as satisfying and engaging a personal existence as you can, and keep yourself open to the possibility of meeting people with whom connection is possible, but to not grasp out and cling to this desire. I recommend fellow Aspies. It may seem illogical to think that "inability to connect + inability to connect = ability to connect," but you may be surprised.

I also agree with previous posters about pets. Cats in particular can make excellent companions. Keeping oneself busy with activities and interests helps, but I find that this only holds the loneliness at bay and solves nothing--you may feel engaged in your life, but find that this does not negate the poignancy of something being missing.

I wish I had better advice to offer. Perhaps someone else here can share their wisdom with the rest of us. (Yet again, another overly-verbose post on my part. I am sorry. I really need to work on this. I beg your patience.)

Its what makes you human and not a monkey, guy. wanting contact with another person is very normal. Isnt aspergers hell? shure is.

I like real people at times, but I suggest having some internet people to chat with who share your interests and ideas. I find it's a good compromise between being with people and not.

That's how I felt at times when I was single. Though I like being alone and like having control, I still felt it be nice if I had someone to do things with, share my obsessions with.

I started going online finding people to meet and I wanted a relationship and then I moved out here and meet more men and we just hang out and play video games and watch Benny & Joon or we'd meet somewhere and walk around. Of maybe one out of ten I met, only one was creepy. I blocked him online. He gave me bad vibes based on how he acted when we met. Then online I didn't like how he was talking to me and I told him to stop and he wouldn't so I eventually blocked him. Plus he was the most boring guy I ever met.

So that's what I did to hang out with people. Plus I went to the adult gatherings too. Now I only go to the autism ones, only one of them now since it's the only one I can go to now. The other two I can't go to anymore due to my work schedule. I can still go to them if they host an event on a weekend so that's what I did for Halloween when they had a party.

Then there is my family I hang out with. When my parents come and visit, I like doing stuff with them.

Now I have a husband so I don't really need to have a desire for people. I go to my husband's old boss's house for when they do a barbecue or when someone has a birthday party and we get invited but I never socialize much. I have only gone to my sister in law's once for Thanksgiving and the next year I went to Montana to see my parents and then the next year I was at my aunt and uncles and this year it be that way again. I can't be at two places at once and it's too long of a drive out there, 40 minutes. I always feel good when I get out of our apartment and do these things. It means we went out than sitting at home. Even though I always prefer to be home but sometimes I just want to go out and do something but I feel stuck in my routine was wanting to be home or what to do and when to leave.

I'm a neurotypical, but I must say that being lonely is something that everyone in their life feels - some more than others. For most people, they only have enough time as adults to concentrate on one or two friendships. You can't be a great friend to everyone, because you would physically and mentally exhaust yourself - and someone else would feel left out.

I think part of the problem with being different may be not really knowing what a typical person feels. I guarantee the same concerns exist, you just may concentrate more on it once you desire it more.

The other thing is socialization takes practice. You can't expect to go from being lonely to being the life of the party overnight. It takes diligence. You may never even accept your own progress - and decide it is not worth it. But if YOU DO DECIDE THAT, it was YOUR decision. That doesn't mean you're wrong, just means you are tired of interacting so hard with people - because almost EVERYONE has problems and relationships are work.

People who are newly divorced go through the same situations. There are a few years where they have no one in their life, because they are so used to a certain relationship - and regardless of what anyone says - people like a good dose of repetition in their life. So when they are missing the other half, they don't remember how to interact socially amongst strangers as well.

I've been through phases where I had more friends than to know what to do with, to phases where it seemed I did not have any. I did more social things when I had more friends, because you HAVE to do social (group) things with people, you can't do individual things with other people. Being on a team is the same really; you expect the other team members to behave a certain way; if they don't, they are not good team members.

This. There must be people here on WP that you might want to talk to online?

I agree about pets...whenever my husband brings up Autism Speaks or starts talking about a "cure," I go cuddle my dog. He loves me just the way I am. He does not think I need to be cured. Aside from his conviction that AS can be cured and that when the cure becomes available I should get it (he compares this to my taking anti-depressants), my husband is a great guy. But my dog thinks I am perfect.

This just makes me feel like it's all the more reason to set up some actualy Aspergers/ Autism meetups. I listen to everyone here, have great conversations with people here, yet I am alone in my life. I feel like if I could only know any of you I would feel better.

It helps me just to know why it happens, before I blamed myself but now I know why. It feels like rational hopelessness has replaced blaming negative loneliness, neither seems right.

I admit a bit of confusion as this post. Of course lonely is a common human emotion. I don't think many people here want to be the life of the party. Many people here just want one friend and still have trouble obtaining one. I don't think being lonely is exclusive to people on the autism spectrum but it is often a reality of it, and it does impact it.

I've never had a friend in my life except for as a little kid and looking back on it they just made fun of me. It's not as easy as just having to work at it. I can't even hold a conversation with my family because of the noises and too many things happening at once. I'm not trying to be of the "my-suffering-is-worse-than-yours" mentality, but I don't think this kind of motivation really works with people on the autism spectrum because despite the fact other people may feel this emotion, we're still different and have trouble connecting with others regardless.

As for pets, I'm afraid of a lot of animals and freak out if cats and such animals of a similar consistency brush against me. I will get some more insects to care for however. I'm glad to see animals help a lot of people here though.

I have a few people on the internet I talk to but a lot of people tell me I'm difficult to talk to, that I sound like a robot, that I only care about myself, etc so it is difficult speaking with many types of people but it isn't the case with everyone. People on the internet can really help things, and I wonder if a lot of longing for a friend off the internet is just a product of knowing I'm supposed to have them.

I go back and forth from the mentality that I should further isolate myself for my own sanity and other's or try going out to see people to see if it helps anyway, despite being stressful.

I agree there should be more support groups and meetups, especially for older people. I wonder if this will be less and less of a problem with younger people going to therapies and groups where people with similar problems are located.


Why does he want you to be cured? Does he not understand the ramifications of such, that you wouldn't even be the same person or does he think it'd make you happier?