How did you guys know you couldn't pick up on that stuff?

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How did you guys know you miss out on social cues and body language and the other stuff when you first read about AS?

I always wonder how aspies know they don't have this skill when they first read about it because when I first started reading about AS, I did not know I missed all these things. I didn't even know what a non verbal cue was or a social cue and I thought I knew body language and people. I can remember being a kid and expecting people to tell me things and my mom would tell me people figured I would stop on my own and think it was bothering everyone else. I just thought it was their problem. Also when I was in high school I was surrounded by kids who acted like they wanted me to read their minds because they get mad at me for no reason. Also people acted like they could read minds and were psychics and I always asked something like "How would you know? Did they ever say it bothered them?" They wouldn't really tell me how they knew so I figured they knew nothing and they were just saying it. Then when I was 17 my shrink mentioned about me not picking up on social cues or knowing the social rules when I be talking about how kids treat me. I thought he was full of it because how the heck would he know? He isn't even there to see it so how would he know? Then after a while I started to realize it just by being in the autism groups online at Yahoo and reading an article about reading minds and they mention body language and all that. I slowly realized I didn't pick up on anything as I kept on reading posts and being in situations. Then I just started to accept people playing mind readers because they saw things I couldn't see and I finally started to listen to what my shrink say about body language and social cues.

So I always wonder how aspies know they couldn't pick on on body language or social cues or non verbal cues when they first read about AS because I sure didn't know. Am I the only one here who didn't know this about myself until later on?

I knew because it was pointed out to me by family and professionals. It really struck me when I had to take tests related to picking up on such cues. Also, I started becoming more aware after it was mentioned, and I started observing how others interacted.

I did not know before it was pointed out. I was blissfully unaware, and most people sheltered me from my mistakes. I was not corrected or reprimanded most of the time.

I had no idea either, not until i got older. I knew I was different, but didn't know 'why', and that had always bothered me, to the point that it almost drove me crazy. Long story short....when i finally came across AS, it was one of those "aha!" moments. It answered all the questions that i couldn't, and all the pieces fell in place.



And i lived happily ever after.

I knew it because I've been told that by my parents throughout my entire life. There always were situations where I behaved inappropriately because, as my mom first thought, I did not observe how other people behaved. My parents always tried to explain these situations to me. Then she realized that I couldn't pick up on social cues so she tried to teach them to me when I was a kid. She taught me how to behave well and how to be polite so that I could stay out of trouble, but that's all I really learned from what she's taught me. And I think that's the most important thing the parents of a child with AS could teach them.

How do I know this? From what my mother told me, through overhearing my parents discussing my behaviour with each other, and overhearing my mom talking about it on the phone with her close friend, I heard everything, even though I spent most of my childhood sitting in my room alone. I've also read my mother's records of my childhood.

I didn't. In fact this is part of what I intrigued me. Imagine people who have normal or better intelligence but cannot be trained to differentiate a smile from a frown (which is what I understood understanding facial expression meant).

What made me open to the idea was finding out about the variety of meaningful expressions that purportedly exists (well beyond the smile, frown, tears, etc that I understood human facial expression was composed of), and then immediately after this taking a test on detecting facial expression and not only failing it miserably, but being literally shocked (I walked around dazed for days) by the various potential expressions that were offered as or comprised the "answers". I for instance had no idea shock and surprise were reliaby distinguishable on the basis of facial expression, yet not only is this apparently the case, but so too are varieties of shock or surprise (such as angry shock or frightened shock....).

Prior to that I had no idea. It was a huge shock to me actually. Especially since one of my childhood interests/obsessions was body language.

It makes all the sense in the world in hindsight, but it was not something I had any real clue of as I completely failed to understand the extent and sophistication of non-verbal communication. I just thought it was stuff like tears usually means unhappy and a smile means happy.

I knew I was missing out on something socially, but I didn't know what it was. I could see that my peers were a lot more adept socially than I was, but I couldn't figure out exactly what it was that I wasn't getting. I knew that nonverbal language existed, but I didn't realise its importance until I read about how much of human communication was nonverbal.
I knew I was no good at small talk, banter and reciprocal conversation because I'd seen other people doing those things, and it seemed like something superhuman to be able to do it. I also had people comment to me that I was bad at those things.

This body language thing : I started learning it at college when I discovered a book called Manwatching by Desmond Morris.

Living with an NT type family further refined these observations.

I now get facial expression and body language most of the time because I have learned what to look for.

I still don't understand the motives underlying the behavior of many NT's I meet outside of my family. They are so weird in terms of what they actually want , so much so it seems almost perverse, and often it can either time wasting or it can sometimes be an unpleasant method to confirm their perceived social status. They always seem to be playing to an imaginary audience of which they try to make you a part.

Some of them have occupations in which they are trying to make money from you and give you nothing in exchange. These are the worst and are to be worked out immediately and avoided.
When they do this they actually appear "ugly" to me.

I can not see the point of interacting with them when they are being unpleasant or trying to rip you off.

I didn't. One of my fascinations was people watching; I learned that other people did things that I did not, and I couldn't understand why. People asked me why I was smiling, or frowning, or tapping on everything while others were focusing or needing quiet - I had no answer. Those close to me asked why I didn't ask for a phone number from a girl, or start a fight (!) with someone who they said was provoking me, when it was 'obvious' to them - I was oblivious. I just figured that I was uncommonly "dense" in many regards, and accepted that part of myself. It wasn't until researching my son's HFA that I began to understand that there was a name for this collection of experiences, that it these with other indicators explained so much of who I am and how I've gotten here - and now how I can move forward with less struggle inside. Having a better understanding of what I'm missing explains why I have had so many challenges and conflicts over the years.


M.

I could never put my finger on it, but certain friends/family pointed it out to me over the years on various occassions.

I didn't know.

For fifty-two years, I proceeded on the assumption that the equipment I had was standard issue, that learning derived from it would transfer to the rest of the race, the whole sorry fabric of illusion.

It wasn't a lot of fun, but I had faith. Then, first the faith slipped away and then the assumption fell. Aspergers entered my awareness and the whole castle slipped into a froth of vanishing foam.

My dad is thirty years older, and he still doesn't know...

I'm in the middle of assessment, so on a waiting list to be dx'd, so may be AS, maybe not.

I always thought I was really good at reading people, but as has been said here, it turns out I'm not. I did one of the Baron-Cohen eye test thingies. It really upset me. How the hell can anyone tell the difference between shock and surprise, or amused and happy??? I simply have no idea what is going on there. I guess IRL I would judge based on the context ... surprise is a good thing, shock a bad, right? I dn't know. Confused the hell out of me, on the test I did, after really, really trying and concentrating for nearly 2 hours for a 40 Q. test, I got 15, and most of those I think because it was a multiple choice thing I was able to get some right just because 3 options would be similar and one stand out, so I could whittle it down that way.

I then got my husband to do the test, and the bugger got 36! He did try to explain to me what was going on, but I just found myself digging my heels in, as I just couldn't see it.

I will be really interested to see what the shrink has to say about that: as I say, I always thought it was one of my stronger abilities. Either I am wrong or the test was: I know which option I prefer.

It also seems that I may be wrong about what I thought non-verbal communication was - pretty much all of what I thought it was falling under the 'verbal' category, without actually being words (why would you call something verbal when it wasn't just the words spoken, huh? why? why? why? Fools).

All it did was to confirm my life long diagnosis of the rest of the world being either odd, stupid or both - a bit like my favourite chicken.

But then I got to 35 without needing to know all that stuff, and I only offend every other person I meet, so not all bad, eh?

I knew because people would treat me as if I was an outsider and also some people would tell me. I still have people tell me when something is a joke because I don't get it quickly enough, though I do half get it at least now

My family are good at telling me things too, like what not to say to the Indian take away man when he delivers the meals

I did not now such a thing existed, as I never cared to watch what other people where doing.
But I discovered such a thing existed because I was reading about it and was interested in it.
I was that could be such a thing, and that other people are expected to know what everything means.
I sometimes analyze body posture (the only body language I rudimentarily know, apart from expressions (also rudimentarily)) but I do not bother often.

I used to think everyone else was having secret meetings where they discussed what people should say, do and wear, and I wasn't invited.

They probably do.
And right in front of you, too!
Except you cannot see what they are 'saying' (kind of an extension of the verb).