Even tolerant liberals can be Neurotypicalist bigots.

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From another message board. (click here)

See the responses to my first post in the thread (I'm Odin2005). "Oh the parents aren't being selfish and neurotic when they are concerned that their autistic kids don't love them because they don't act like NTs!! !"

Every single person on the planet is prejudiced in some way shape or form against some other type of person. Welcome to humanity.

I really didn't see much wrong with it to be honest.

It's not due to being selfish-saying to stop whining about it is being selfish too, really.

It's because that is what they NEED to know. We see the words/actions and all and that is good enough for a lot of us... but it isn't for them.

Just like we think differently from them and don't understand things they do, it's the same for them to us.

*shrug* They can't control it any more than we can control our responses to things.

I really don't understand all this NT hate and name calling and stuff I see on here from time to time... I don't think I really ever will.

I don't understand them, but I can relate things to myself-things bother me and I cannot pinpoint why, and I can't stop it from happening. If lights are hurting my eyes really bad on a particular day, I'm probably going to gripe about it. So I just assume if something is bothering anyone, they are going to say something about it...

I had this happen a while back with my boyfriend, and thought it was ridiculous to be honest. He wanted hugs, random "I love you"s and stuff like that... I didn't get why. He couldn't explain why either, so I was really resistant to doing any of it just to make him feel better... because it just didn't seem that important. He finally just explained it's something he NEEDS for reassurance for some reason. I still don't get it, but when I was thinking about it I realized I don't have a good reason for everything that bothers me, or any way to control my reactions a lot of the time... so why should I expect him to be any different?

HOW do you say that a parent concerned with their kids' ability to express himself and get along with others is bigoted? Seriously, it's NOT selfish for a parent to wanna communicate 1:1 with their kid. It's not selfish to want their kid to not be rejected. And calling a parent a selfish bigot for wanting that for their kid is just a big heaping pile of horses**t.

I agree.

Last edited by LiendaBalla on 28 Feb 2010, 10:02 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Yea, I'm prejudice against people who skin animals while they are alive to see how long then can live.

Because they want to feel loved by their child. You've got to try and see it from their point of view. I may not be an NT parent but I can understand what they go through. They are heart broken that their kids can't play with other kids. They put in extra effort to take care of their child. They love them and want to feel loved by them.
My mum feels that way with me sometimes. I understand what she wants but I'm just not that person.

This is why I hate the anti-cure people. Even if you you have autistic children it doesn't mean that you can say that other parents don't struggle with it. I know two NT mothers that struggle with autistic kids.

I get that. My parents are the same way, especially the week leading to me dropping out of school because the pressure of being isolated and not being able to make friends easily was too much. But I'd at least like to say I've gotten better about expressing emotion. I know when I was 15 or so my attitude was "emotion's for sucks", then I realized just how dumb those types of people really come off, and more people think I look happy now.

I consider the most noble and kind thing I ever done to be learning to tolerate my mother hugging me. It's amazing how much it means to her, and I'm glad it brings her joy. However, it is only in an adult context I have been able to think through it and do so.

I do think that this is in part someone imposing what they value on someone else - i.e., fitting in with one's peers if one clearly doesn't want to. A more useful approach than trying to change the child and/or a condition that is inherently part of their personality is to try to change oneself and the people around one's child to be more accepting of a different way of doing things. It applies to other groups of people who are different, so I don't get why this should not apply for autistic people as well.

While I understand that, at the same time, it's a parent thing as well.

For instance, at times, I wish my daughter was NOT so huggy and needy at times of attention, because it wears me out and I worry about her becoming independent. But I also realize that she IS very independent in some ways too... and that she is going to do alright in the "normal" world pretty much. The ONLY reason I don't like it all of the time, is because I don't need that reassurance all of the time like other people do. I just don't think that way. But I wouldn't go telling my daughter that, lol. I don't want her to change-it's just a thought I have from time to time when it's really irking me to have her wanting to climb on my lap all day long... and I doubt these parents are following their kids around all day telling them to change.

But other parents WANT that and NEED that reciprocation to feel that bond there. They don't just hear things and know automatically, they go more with feeling. Whereas, since I know my daughter loves me and I love her, that is enough for me. It's just my nature, and needing it is theirs.

Maybe I just have a different view because I'm also a parent... I dunno. But I don't think name-calling helps at all, and all this type of stuff does is feed that whole "them vs. us" thing. I don't get the point.

I don't really see how it's "imposing" their values on someone else if their values are just things they naturally want. If they were really unrealistic ideas they were trying to force, then sure, I'd agree. But it's not. It's not anything they have control over any more than we have control over not understanding it. They are born with it, just like we think differently and were born with it. It's not a choice any more for them than it is for us. They can't up and stop thinking like that, and we can't up and all of a sudden think like them either. One of the first things they look for is lack of eye contact and not wanting to be held when it comes to autism. Which means... for most people, it's like that from the start. How can they impose a value that has been with them since birth?

They are just talking on an online forum, looking for support and others who are like them or are going through it, just like we do.

Well said anxiety25. I talked about this with the NT mother I know and she's pretty much said the same thing.

That thread pissed me off.

What I can never understand is why the point of view of the person with autism was never given.
Reminds me of that one Autism Speaks short; "I am autism".
But I cannot see it from the parents' point of view because I am not a parent and the parent is not autistic and I am and I am not interested in non-autistic people.
Apparently, nobody cares what the child thinks.

I like what one person said on a message board once:
"If you can't accept what comes out of your vagina, stop putting things in it."

Hating anti-cure people is just one more form of hate, and hate never solves anything. Most people who don't want a cure can still understand why some parents want certain things out of their children. I don't want a cure but I'm not anti-NT. Assuming we all are is just one more harmful and unwarranted stereotype just as bad as hating anyone who wants a cure, and just as bad as hating NTs. Believe it or not most people with any given belief are not the True Believers in that belief who make everyone with that belief look bad.

I'm neither pro- nor anti-cure. I'm pro-cure if the person with an ASD *wants* and *chooses* it, not if s/he doesn't. I would be even more happy if there were ways to address those aspects that people are not happy with while leaving those they consider good things alone. One thing I can say I oppose is people imposing their wants/needs for a "normal" child on their children. I have two children with ADHD (one of whom may have AS as well) and I treasure their differences and have gone to the mat for them with the schools on more than one occasion. I also have one NT child, and I love her too, and would go to bat for her as well (and growing up with two ADHD sibs, an ADHD dad, and mom with ADHD/probable AS, she is anything BUT bigoted). It's not about me, it's about them being happy. Any parent who can't see it's not about them needs to open their eyes (and then some have the nerve to say WE lack empathy...pfffft).
~Kate