The emptiness of accomplishment

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In my writings I've described this a lot, and even today I struggle with this and am wondering if I am alone in this or if this trait is common; when I achieve any given task, big or small, there is a void of what should be some emotion.

I'm a gamer and have excelled at racing games. 6 years ago the Racing game of ToCa Race Driver 2 came out and I was one of the fastest. The game uses a leaderboard system based off of the ELO system and I, from day one, had my eyes set on the top spot. I had races where I'd win and I'd be on the march to Xbox stardom, and then I'd have one race where some dork would wreck me and I'd lose a day's worth of points. Weeks went by with me hovering inside the top 10, then the top 5. Then it happened. I won in a race that had 4 of the top 10 and it gave me enough points to be the #1 rated driver in the world. What did I feel? Jubilation? Pure bliss? Elation beyond imagination? Nope. All I felt was nothing. I knew there should be something, but there was nothing. I compared it to a dog chasing a car. It's not so much for the dog to catch the car, but what on Earth is the dog going to do when it catches it?

I know it did mean something to me because I continued to race and again some dork wrecked me and I lost my #1 spot and I was livid. I hunkered down and retook the spot and again lost it and was angry.

I've been #1 at many games since and each game had the same pattern, but this trait isn't just limited to video games. I had the same trait when I was in school (or at least days I went; I hated school). I won every states and capitols game as well as math flash cards, but winning didn't mean anything.

People often thank me for my writings, or yesterday when giving a presentation to a doctor's office about Asperger's syndrome a nurse said, "In all my 30 years in the medical field your presentation was the most eye opening and meaningful I've ever had". I don't mean to brag on that comment, but when I hear those words they mean nothing to me.

This is much like "I do it therefore that's the way it's supposed to be." No matter how good or special something may be, on any given level be it something like being #1 in the world at a video game, or simply drawing a neat color combination with my Sharpies, there is no sense of accomplishment. My dad jokes that it should be criminal that I have no idea what my writings mean to some people. Heck, I don't even know what it means to me. I wrote it, but that's just simply the way it is.

So I'm wondering, do you share this trait? My example, I think, are on the large scale, but this void can happen at any level. If this is common this may be one of the reasons why the depression rate is so high as how can one find joy in the positives when one feels that the positive are simply "the way it should be"? I had a pshycologist once who always asked me "How do you feel on a scale of 0-10?" and I would always state "I don't know what's past the number 5".

I do not understand the emptiness of accomplishment.
I feel more accomplishment in a game than with a good grade, because they come too easily.

But I can relate to what you said to your father about not knowing what your writing means to you.
It would feel pretty weird if someone held something I could not care less for dear.

I tend to get bored with an activity once there is nothing more to figure out - that, for me signals completion. If there are problems to solve, I'm totally focused & that is where I get my sense of accomplishment.

Over the course of a project, I will get lots of satisfaction from solving problems and figuring out the most efficient process for accomplishing the goal. But once I can see the end in sight - once I've figured out how things are going to work - I start to get bored. I'll always see it through to the end, but by that time, I've already gotten my rewards.

(This also happens to me with books, movies & TV shows - once I've figured out how the story will unfold, I totally lose interest.)

I can relate. In my case it has something to do with high expectations (I had that my whole life). I am very much pissed off that things go slowly and that everything is on such a low level. I am pissed of that I can not resolve what exactly happens when I swallow the food or take a medicine, why the buildings are made out bunch of ground and nned to be so bulky yet ineffective in thermal regulation and so on. My mind is already in 2100. Same with my work (I work in research) and currently developing a new very fancy material. I was excited when I got the idea, 8 months ago, now I am just pissed off that I am not done with the actual work and my mind is developing next thing.
Being "in the future" has its advantages too, I am not easily impressed and meeting "big shots" doesn't leave me trembling.