Have you ever pushed away help you needed?

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I am always the type of person who wants to try and do things the normal way and sometimes I realize I do need the help.

I remember pushing away help when I was in my preteens because I wanted to be normal and try and be like everyone else. So I tried to do everything on my own and I would push away accommodations.

Then we move to Montana and I refused extra help with my school work. I wanted to do it on my own and try and get smart. Then I am finally placed in the special ed. room and I push away help and I keep struggling with my school work and I am not going forward. I got all F's and mom told me I am smarter than this and these are not my real grades. I need help and I was like "I'll try harder."
Then I saw other kids were getting help so I started to ask for it too because it meant I wasn't stupid and a freak. I felt so much better that lot of kids were in special ed and they all looked normal.
I also remember I was given an aid and I didn't like it at first. I felt like a freak. I also hated how I came to school a half hour late because it was part of my IEP. I couldn't even go to school without getting upset in the halls when kids bump into me between classes. I tried to push that away but it was forced on me. Back then I believed kids shoved me on purpose so I would shove them back so they be afraid of me and leave me alone.

But in high school I remember a tape recorder was suggested to me and I said no to it and as an adult I refused to go for a ob coach or go into disability service for a job because I wanted to do it the normal way.

But sometimes I go too far trying to be independent because I make things harder for myself and then I realize I can't do it alone. I accepted extra help with my school work as a teen even though I needed lot of help than the other kids because it was either get the help I need or fail high school. I also decided on anxiety pills when I was 15 because I hated having it and after an incident that one day, my mom decided enough and do something about my anxiety so she consulted me about medicine I can take for it and I was okay with it. Then when it got better, I stopped taking it. I would take it off and on instead. Now I don't take it because I have done good. But I push the idea away that I should take it for occasional anxiety for in case I end up in situations I can't escape from or can't escape from right away. My husband thinks it's wrong what I am doing with myself but I told him some people here have told me it's good I stay out of situations that cause it and he goes "They're aspies, they don't know what they're talking about." I told him if my anxiety gets bad again after we have kids and I can't control it, I'll get myself drugged again. But right now I do fine without them. I have learned to stay calm.

Then as an adult I sign up for sewing class at the community college and I thought I would do fine on my own and I won't need any accommodations or an aid. But wrong, I have a meltdown in class and I get kicked out. I had forgotten about my own problems and I thought I would do fine because I had gotten better over the years. I knew it was my fault I got kicked out because I should have asked for help before I signed up and I neglected my own needs.

I think I have a problem with pride and always had since age ten. It be like me refusing to wear glasses just because "I can see fine without them and I'll try harder to make my eyes work" or someone refusing to wear a hearing aid just because that person thinks he can do fine with hearing without it and they will just try harder to hear or a blind person refusing a service dog or a cane to help him see just because he thinks he can see fine without them and he will just try harder. And I think "hey I'm mild right so I don't need all this help. I can do fine on my own, just try harder and I will make it." Then I realize my mistake and I do need it so I have to accept it. Now I have done something big in my life I was happy for and now it's come back to bite me. I just wanted to be independent. Now the stress is coming back and my anxiety I'm afraid because of what is going on now and my mom suggested pills again and said maybe I should see a therapist so I have someone to rant to about and not make my husband feel bad. I am trying to not worry about it and hope I will be fine and try and be calm on my own without any pills.

I used to push away help all the time, including refusing to wear glasses like you because I was convinced that I would be fine without them. The most recent help I pushed away was help for my depression and now that I'm getting help, I regret not getting it sooner. I was convinced that my depression could be controlled purely by will power and that it was my fault that I was depressed in the first place. It just got worse and worse and finally last October I got help and now life is so much easier to deal with.
Also with my AS, when I was applying to study a course just recently I didn't want to put down that I have AS. I thought..."well I'm not disabled, I don't need assistance". The last time I studied without assistance I had meltdown after meltdown, and that was with studying at home!

Anyway regarding pills, sometimes they can be helpful and it doesn't mean that you are weak if you take them.

When I was in school I'd never ask for help. It was probably one of the reasons for my low grades. I found I was repeating the same thing at work. 'Oh I'm fine, I don't need help.' Then I realised I didn't know what I was doing.

I push away friends when they want to help. Usually I'm having a meltdown and not wanting to talk to them, but I think I make the situation worse. When they are there they are really supportive.

I used to deny my AS and have thought several times in my life I didn't have it anymore. I didn't feel impaired and I felt my life was good and how can I have it if there are no impairments? I had a job, I was on my own, I was meeting men but one of them picked up I had it. Then I meet my husband and I realize I still had it because the symptoms were coming back and he said he can tell I have it and I say things lot of people wouldn't normally say. Back then I was unsure of my condition and was wanting to leave this forum because I felt I didn't fit in here and belong even though I knew it was for everyone and even if I weren't aspie or on the spectrum, I can still be here.

I did refuse glasses at first and was only going to wear them to see the board but then I decided to start wearing all the time. I just didn't like the new change for my look because I never wore glasses ever. I liked how things were more clear and I had good eye vision again. Now it's starting to get worse again and need to get my eyes checked soon. But I can see enough to see the TV and see road signs and I see things fine in my apartment. No I never thought I can make my vision better on my own, I was just saying.

That's a hard one....

I don't ask for help, which can be a problem in regards to my survival and all. But, I accept it if it's given to me by someone; I never know if it's needed or not though.

That's a problem I have. Sometimes I just don't think to ask for help, I'm not sure why. People quite often say to me..."You could have asked me to help you, you know".
Actually no, I didn't know.

Oh, yes. Including at least one time when it could have been really dangerous if I had not finally accepted.

I will render assistance - but to accxept it I have to be pretty desperate and / or VERY at ease with the helper.

The problem for me is accepting help means giving up some control, this is a major sacrifice and one i can't usually bring myself to do.

I'm much better taking help from someone i know is seperate from my life, someone who has no long term meaning to the real every day life. There's no consiquences to that person seeing things and i have no image i need to project, or at least less of one.

I never wanted help.
Not because I wanted to be normal, I never cared for that, but because I wanted to do everything my way.
I was pretty stubborn like that.
But, of course, I would never admit I needed that help.
This question is better posed to a family member of sorts.
Because I always wanted to do my way, and my way was the best way, the only way.

Yes, always. I wouldn't let anyone interfere with my life and invade my routines. That's why I did not get diagnosed until very recently.

I'm still refusing to use beta reader at fanfiction. But I have thought about if I should start using it or not but I am scared of the reader not liking my story.

In my IEPs from my high school the goals were I will ask for help when needed. It was mentioned how I take pride in my work.

If someone offers me help, I take it. More likely than not, I do need the help.

^ That. It rarely occurs to me to ask for help. I just set to doing things and forget others could assist me. I always forget about the people...

Yep.

The problem seems to be that the help is often offered too suddenly for me to process what's going on, and I seem to have this gut reaction: "they don't understand me, they'll only make it worse." I suspect its root is the same thing that gives me a general fear of anybody being involved in my work.

Pride may also comes into it - I don't like the idea of being treated like a weak, dependent little wimp - but I find it very difficult to resolve the different strands of my motivation for being like this. It's possible that the aversion to dependency is just a rationalisation which helped me to feel as if my behaviour made some kind of sense, in the days when I didn't know about AS.

It really depends what the help is for.

Part of it with me is the fact that I don't want people snooping around my business and making terse comments about the decisions that I make or the ideals that I have. I recently ran into this with my parents over my finances. I like to have the freeedom to make my own money decisions, but needed their help recently to pay some bills. I don't like the scrutny of why I needed this or that.

I tend to not ask for help, or even accept it when it is offered.

In my professional life, this is often because by the time I filter what information I need to share to be sure the task can get done correctly into words that my co-workers will actually understand, I could already have it done. This sometimes means I am carrying around a 55 inch LCD by myself, but I can do it, so I just do it.

In my personal life, especially with my wife, I am absolutely terrible when it comes to expressing that I need help or if something is bothering me. I just endure whatever is unpleasant or find a way to work around what I needed help with and move on. It frustrates her, but I learned at a very early age to not look to others for help since they are often out to make fun of you, or have a laugh at your expense. Even something as simple as bringing in the groceries, I will load myself up with 80+ pounds of stuff and carry it in with no second thought, but my wife tells me I need to not overdo it like that, and I explain that one big trip equals less time in the sun for me, and less time away from whatever I was doing when she needed my help with the groceries, so to me the trade off is worth it.

So call it pride, stupidity, or hubristic, but I prefer to do things myself, and don't ask for help.