Do you have a problem understanding rules?

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I wasn't sure how to "word" the title so let me explain. I'm not sure if this can be a social skills issue I'm not sure. I created a topic on dating rules and mention alot of marriage stuff. Someone replied with the following (With all the marriage oriented questions you're asking, I hope you already have a boyfriend/girlfriend. This kind of thinking, if you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend already who you want to marry, will get you in trouble. It's jumping the gun, and it's scary.) (I quoted Sound I hope he/she doesn't mind)


One of my main faults as an Aspie IMO is not understanding rules and I would of never known talking about marriage stuff like that would be an issue. I wouldn't dare ask a boyfriend these questions the only reason I thought of them was my parents and sister are married and it was out of curiosity. I would of never known this type of thinking was "jumping the gun/scary as Sound put it. There are so many NT/life rules I'm oblivious too. So I ask does anyone else not understand "life rules?" Thanks. and again I hope quoting you Sound wasn't a problem.

I thought that 'not understanding life rules' was one of the criteria for Asperger's Syndrome.

you are in good company, zelda.

Only when they don't make sence to me such as "Do this because I said so." Sometimes I had a vendetta against a certian person and would do the opisite of anything the said just to piss them off because I did not like them.

LOL! Thanks. I agree it's part of AS but I tend to relate Social Skills with the rules of socializing/making friends etc. not about dating and talking about marriage on a first date LOL! Something I more than likely wouldn't do but I do get confused by Life rules I'm glad I'm in good company LOL! YA!

I sometimes have problems with them. I ask though, when I can see I don't understand, so I've gotten a good bit better with them.

About the marriage stuff, it's considered to be serious stuff and so could scare away potencial partners because they could think you want to be married quickly and they'd be just getting to know you. Later in a relationship it's ok to talk about marriage.

Perhaps to post the rules you don't understand or to post about situations you didn't understand may help (if you can). People here (who have an idea of the social rule) could then explain about it?

I have problems with not understanding them and problems with understanding them too well, i.e. if they are stupid and pointless I ignore them which causes problems sometimes. Those 'unwritten rules' I usually have to relearn and relearn the hard way.

Much later in the relationship. Not like after 3 months, more like 3 years.
You can scare away boyfriends/girlfriends brining up that stuff.

True, although, sometimes it depends on the relationship.

Thanks about the marriage bringing up info. I know for a fact I don't want to end up like my sisters friend 5+ years with the boyfriend and he STILL hasn't tried tying the knot SHEESH! DARN GUY!! !! (He's nice to her friend and all and from what little I know of meeting him he's a nice guy.)

If she wants to get married, it would be a good idea for her to talk to him about it but more probable is that they may not want to get married. If you do want to be married eventually, 6 months to a year into the relationship is an ok time to broach the subject because if a couple wants different things they need to figure it out earlier rather than later.

Thanks LostAlien I'll keep that 6months-a year thing in mind for a future boyfriend. While I'm not sure what "casual talking" is IMO something like "So Joe are we ever going to get married we've been together for 12 months and I think things are going great between us and I really love you." (Is that doable would that line work?) Ok maybe not but I don't know what would LOL! Thanks for the advice.

That could work. Having a few different ways of asking about it is a good idea but bear in mind you have a lot of time to figure out how to talk about it when you meet a guy you like and I'd suggest not to think about planning out how to ask in the first month of dating.

LOL! Thanks for the tips. Ya I think I'll worry about the dating part first and enjoy that then defiently try the live with him part then go from there and since I'm an avid Suze Orman fan YOU HAVE to be in good standings financially aswell LOL!

Between being poor at social perceptivity AND growing up isolated from peers AND in a maximally uncommunicative family I am very bad at sorting out what is de rigeur and what is nono. If I have not seen it talked in a book or film, not a clue.

Relevant to your issue: a [probably on the spectrum] very dear friend told me one day she up and told her significant male "we should get married". Rightly or wrongly it did. It fell apart. [Now remarried].

Anyway - it takes two to communicate, and not all of X's "rules" are really society's rules.

Rules and instructions. I dislike them both.

I feel like I live in a world where at any moment I will be held accountable for some obscure rule that I have never heard of and don't understand. I am obsessively law abiding because I fear that at any moment I might get hauled off to Guantanamo. I tense up whenever I see a cop even though I'm so careful, I shouldn't worry.

I can understand a few rules. Some actually make pretty good sense. Don't cannibalize your neighbors. That seems pretty reasonable.

Related to this, I can't seem to follow instructions very well. I enjoy cooking on occasion but I have NEVER been able to follow a recipe properly. This can lead to some happy accidents. It can also lead to your neighbors disappearing if you are really not into following rules.

Sometimes I read a line of instruction and what actually gets into my brain is the direct opposite. I once moved and the instructions on my drivers license said DON'T write the new address on the license. So what did I do? I wrote my new address on the license and then was rather annoyed when a cop took issue with this.

Well it's not I don't understand them. If that's others' cases. But rather not seeing the point in them. I'm an anarchist, and I live solely by moral. And fortunately I don't lack in morals. But then they tend to not agree with rules like in school especially.
For example, not chewing gum in class, not using my laptop to take notes in certain classes and being forced to write them by hand, and stuff as ridiculous as using liquid white out when paper white out is much cleaner, being forced to use pen instead of typing an essay, etc.
Sometimes even homework or school in general is an issue.

As for stuff like marriage, thank god I'm not there yet.