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Raven
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15 Mar 2010, 6:32 pm

Someone (a superior) once made the comment that I followed the rules of an institution that I was a part of. But he was always getting on to me for not following unwritten rules that he thought I should understand. I did a good job of adjusting when he pointed something specific out, but eventually he told me that he had to tell me things so much that I was just changing my behavior because that's what he wanted to see. He thought that I didn't really change my attitude.

In fact, he said that it was almost as though I behaved more like a robot than a human being. That comment offended me. But now that I think about it, I can see where he was coming from. The enviornment that I was in at the time (I've since left, but am considering going back) was one which required everyone to change, but in my case, it was as though I needed to be programmed almost from scratch by my superiors in order to function properly.

I guess my question is does anyone know of tips to adapt to new situations (socially, as well as following expectations, both written and unwritten). I can ask to an extent, but sometimes people will overlook things that I need to know, and I'm not really able to say "Well you didn't tell me"



Brennan
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15 Mar 2010, 6:47 pm

Why can't you say, 'well you didn't tell me'?? If someone want you to perform a certain task, then you should be told exactly what it is that you are expected to do. I really dislike it when people just expect you to "know" what you are meant to do. How on earth are you supposed to know what to do if someone doesn't tell you? :evil:

In regards to adapting to social stuff, I watch what other people are doing around me and copy them. I guess that really isn't adapting, but it does seem to work better than not doing it.



asperges
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15 Mar 2010, 6:59 pm

In theory, you are absolutely right. But it's just that other people are able to get with the program much faster than I can. The idea is if every one else can adapt without as many issues as I had, I shouldn't have all of the problems that I did.

I can ask for help with specifics, and they will try their best, but they can't tell me literally EVERYTHING I need to know. I do imitate other's behavior to an extent, but sometimes it takes me a while to pick up on things. Usually, longer than everyone else.



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15 Mar 2010, 7:33 pm

Ask them to write to unwritten rules down. Just tell people straight out 'I don't get this unwritten rules nonsense, I need it front of me, on paper, in point form.'
I'd have problems with it too.


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asperges
Raven
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15 Mar 2010, 9:02 pm

Again, given this particular situation, I can't really say "Can you write an all inclusive guide for me? Anything that you don't put in here, I can't be held responsible for."

My question was how to deal with the situation where I have to be able to know things that aren't written out.



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15 Mar 2010, 9:07 pm

It's pretty stupid if there are unwritten company rules. If it was me I'd just tell them that I don't pick up that stuff.
Maybe just watch what your co-workers do. Become a spy in the office.


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asperges
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15 Mar 2010, 9:34 pm

Again, it doesn't matter if it's stupid or not that's the way it is. What do I do now? I observe people and that helps some. Maybe WP users have suggestions for being a smart observer. What specifically should I look for? What else can I do?



pumibel
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15 Mar 2010, 10:43 pm

Maybe if you give us a scenario or example of what has happened we will be able to understand what you are going through. I think it would be easier to make suggestions for you if we had more specifics. I know I need that information.