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League_Girl
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17 Mar 2010, 2:49 pm

I have been talking to another NT through PM at another forum. I told her how irritating it is when people say they will do something and they don't do it. She said back she read that is an aspie traits but she doesn't buy it because it happens all the time in the NT world and they call it laziness or procrastination. And I recall seeing some posts here by aspies complaining about people doing this and then I hear it's an aspie trait? I have never read about this being an aspie trait. You would think an aspie is more likely to do something they say they are going to do because they are honest people and direct and we get upset if people do that to us because we then feel lied to. I always say if people are going to fail to keep their word, they better have a good reason.

I also didn't buy it being an aspie trait.



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17 Mar 2010, 3:08 pm

Some people with AS have difficulty being assertive enough to say no. I have this problem myself, although I normally do something if I say I will, unless I forget or it's not possible. I think being passive aggresive is something people do who can't stand up to others. Although lying is definatly not an aspie trait.


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Jellybean
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17 Mar 2010, 3:11 pm

I have never heard of it being an Aspie trait. I have done this in the past because I also have ADD which DOES cause procrastination and forgetfulness. Maybe they are getting mixed up... there's too many conditions these days!


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Willard
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17 Mar 2010, 5:05 pm

I rarely do that intentionally, because I hate it when people do it to me. If someone says they're going to do something, I take them at their word and if they don't it totally screws with my schedule and routines. So I try to be honest with people who ask me to do things for them, so they don't get their hopes up if its something I'm likely to take forever to get to.

On the other hand, if I do tell someone "No, I'd rather not do that" and they absolutely will not let the matter rest, then yes, I'll say "Okay", and then just not show up. Some friends used to invite me out to bars and refused to understand that those places made me anxiety-attack uncomfortable. After a thousand "No thanks'" I finally would just say "Sure, okay, what time?" and then stand them up. Finally they got the message that I wasn't coming. :twisted:



CockneyRebel
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17 Mar 2010, 5:46 pm

I have a really hard time, saying NO.


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17 Mar 2010, 6:49 pm

For me it starts as it is hard to pull myself away from one activity and then I kind of slowly soften the feeling and ultimately completely ignore it.
I think no one can ever know if it the same as procrastination or laziness or it is different because some things make it difficult.
Maybe it is an entirely different mental progress.
Maybe it is not.
Maybe it is the same, but people experience it differently.

My question is, do you experience this?
Or do you do everything you say you do?



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17 Mar 2010, 6:53 pm

If I say I'll do something or be somewhere at a certain time, unless it's impossible, I'll do what I've said I'll do.
I am a terrible procrastinator, though; I always leave things until the last minute; but I try to make sure it affects only me.


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League_Girl
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17 Mar 2010, 7:22 pm

When I say I am going to do something I do it. If I don't want to or can't, I say no. If I forget, remind me.



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17 Mar 2010, 7:27 pm

OH GOD, ANOTHER symptom! I have a HARD time saying no. I used to honor my "word" literally. If someone persecuted me until I said yes, I committed to it to my detriment. NOW, it is generally only my word, given voluntarily and with proper info, that I commit to. I ALSO often wait until kind of late in the game and do it quickly, and make sure nobody is adversely affected.



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17 Mar 2010, 7:34 pm

I have a hard time saying no so I'll follow through with something that I'd said I'd do, no matter how much I don't want to do it. What results is usually a meltdown. I need to learn to say no.


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OuterBoroughGirl
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17 Mar 2010, 8:59 pm

I would never intentionally go back on my word to someone. I really try not to let people down. If I say I'm going to do something and then don't, there could be one of two reasons
(1) I forgot. I have ADHD Inattentive Type (diagnosed) and forgetfulness is not unheard of for me, especially when there are more demands on my time and energy than I know how to handle.
(2) It relates to a conversation I had while occupied with other things, and I was responding on automatic pilot while my brain wasn't processing a word of what was being said, so I'm not aware of the commitment I agreed to.

In general, I do try to follow through when I make promises to other people, and I think I'm usually pretty successful in this. I've been told that I'm very "reliable." However, there are times when I mess up because my brain fails me. This has been known to happen. Just this evening, I woke up from a post-work nap, saw that the clock said 7:40 and panicked, thinking that I'd forgotten to set my alarm, and was running late for work. After I realized that the clock said 7:40 p.m., not a.m., that it was awfully dark for 7:40 a.m., and I had clocked out of work for today three hours before that, it took several minutes for my heart to stop pounding from my rush of panic. :roll: Fortunately, in this situation, I did not wind up leaving anyone in a lurch; I was just left feeling silly. If only all my mental lapses were like that. I get *very* angry at myself when I unintentionally let someone down
Getting back to the topic at hand, no, I don't think this is AS related. I'm not sure what the cause is. I know that I've had plenty of NTs make promises to me that they never followed through on. That always bothers me. Unfortunately, I tend to be unable to come up with appropriate ways to push the issue. Moreover, life experience has taught me that most people don't want to be bothered by me. Thus, I tend to just let things slide, or do them myself when possible.
I'm not sure what causes this particular phenomenon. It may just relate to our overworked, fast paced culture. When one's time and attention is being pulled in too many directions at once, a few details are likely to fall by the wayside. I know that I'm prone to overfocus on certain details, and overlook others completely. I imagine that NTs can get overloaded as well, though it may take more information for them to reach this point.
My point is hidden somewhere in this choatic mess of incoherent drivel. In short, no, I don't think this is an AS trait.


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