Controlling facial expressions and responses in conversation

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cmyoung
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19 Mar 2010, 9:57 am

I've been noticing lately that I'm having trouble controlling facial expressions and responses during conversation. It was really terrible when I first came to college, but now I have a few conscious things I do in order to help put others at ease during conversations that seem to work most of the time. I try to smile during the conversation so that people know i'm friendly and being attentive to what they are saying, but sometimes I smile at odd times and don't stop when the subject matter changes or until the end of the conversation.

In the past I've had problems being responsive during conversations and often ended up staring without confirming that I understood, so I started interjecting "Cool", "Snazzy", or "wow" so that people knew I was listening and "aw, that sucks" if someone was talking about something bad that happened to them. But now I feel like I do these things too much and so systematically that they may seem really fake. It's easier when the conversation is about one of my obsessions(even though i talk really loud when I get excited about those), but regular conversations drive me nuts! Does anyone else have problems with this? Any advice?



caramateo
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19 Mar 2010, 10:22 am

I do exactly the same so I always try to leave before it gets awkard.



DemonAbyss10
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19 Mar 2010, 11:20 am

just simply odding helps, its what I do the vast majority of the time. I do have issues with the fact i tend to interrupt quite often, but of course, i cant tell when someone is done talking.

What i dont really get is NTs will interrupt when they are bored, and no one will b***h but if we interrupt because of not being able to tell that they were just taking a breath before talking again, we get lynched.

I am starting to think maybe the NTs should experience the double standard for themselves, we should just constantly interrupt them to make a statement :/


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ursaminor
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19 Mar 2010, 11:47 am

Not just any old NT (unless only old NTs do this to you) but only the NTs that interrupt you.
Then interrupt them again commenting about their interruption and how it is rude.



ForsakenEagle
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19 Mar 2010, 1:14 pm

Hmmm... Maybe I'll have to try some of those tricks, cmyoung. Thanks!



SCordeliaB
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19 Mar 2010, 1:50 pm

The autistic boy that i nanny makes the FUNNIEST facial expressions!! ! i'm constantly cracking up at them. especially when he looks in the mirror. but he laughs at me too so its all good. my boyfriends always like "you have problems" i guess in response to my odd gestures/ facial expressions. f**k him



CockneyRebel
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19 Mar 2010, 2:00 pm

I have two faces. The one in that avatar that I like, and the stupid forced smile.


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alana
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19 Mar 2010, 2:49 pm

gah. I don't know, I am good at interactions with cashiers and stuff, those I do okay in. The others I pretty much try to accept that I do as well as I can. I guess I try to avoid people and situations where there is a big focus on doing this stuff well.



spiders
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19 Mar 2010, 4:38 pm

I smile all the time. People often think I'm laughing at them and get defensive and aggressive. I can't help it. I don't like looking at all the people's faces when I go shopping because they all look grumpy.
People also comment to me about my facial expressions. They say "what was that look for?" or "what are you laughing at" I say, "I don't know, I didn't know I was doing it."



devark
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19 Mar 2010, 4:51 pm

I never use to say anything when others would talk to me, I finally picked up the habit in my late teens and now its automatic. Yeah?, Yup, mmmhm, hmm, ok, yeah, alright, ok, yup, k, oh yeah?, really? awh. Its also a good deflection for things I don't care about. It doesn't bother me that its superficial (its kinda the point xD).


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auntblabby
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20 Mar 2010, 12:45 am

when i have to talk to people, i generally spend most of my time looking away from them- in their general direction so as not to seem rude but directed far enough away from their gaze that my lack of facial expression is not so jarring for them. there is not much i can do about my bass monotone-cum-bill-gates voice without sounding like a tv station announcer. so i don't even try to emulate normal vocal prosody.
ya know, this reminds me of discussions about how some aspies tend to avoid eye contact, i wonder if part of the reason is that they are aware that their facial expressions are often inappropriate and so they conceal this to the best of their ability by looking down at their shoes or off in another direction when they must talk with another person f2f. just a thought.



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20 Mar 2010, 1:24 am

I have trained myself to mirror the person with whom I am conversing. If they are smiling, I smile, frowning, I frown etc...it is simply easier.

If I went with my default mode (blank stare due to lack of interest in most conversation) I get questioned on "what's wrong?" Since I am "obviously" not listening because of my lack of reaction/input.
There are occasions in which I WISH my stoic/blank expression would present itself, for example, I have noticed that when I am sharing bad news with someone, I have a tendency to smile at their reaction. I am not smiling at the terrible news, but out of a sort of fascination regarding their reaction to the news. All I have been able to do avoid smiling is to look away and focus on the words instead of the interaction.


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20 Mar 2010, 1:26 am

I internalized long ago I can't get the expressions right. Trying to fake it never worked for me. I mostly keep my face expressionless or blandly interested, and with many people will go "Ah!" or raise my eyebrows occasionally.

As fore breaking in: I get it all four ways. I am accused of never leaving spec for people to break in, or of pausing so long they think it is their turn though I am not done, and rudely interrupting, and not coming in at a pause with an appropriate response. Funny thing - I could say exactly the same of most of them. Fact is, the codes are really different.



auntblabby
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20 Mar 2010, 2:30 am

bonuspoints wrote:
I have trained myself to mirror the person with whom I am conversing. If they are smiling, I smile, frowning, I frown etc...it is simply easier.
.


my problem is that i can't really tell from internal muscle/skin feelings that my facial expressions are appropriate, as though there is no feedback to my brain telling it what exactly my face looks like at any given moment. what feels to me like a big smile often looks to others like a smirk, and what seems like a modest smile ends up looking to others like a grotesque grin.