Convincing someone to do something

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How many of you have a hard time convincing people to do things? Be it lower the price of something by 10% because something is wrong with item, or convincing a member of the opposite sex to like you. I have a hard time doing this. Is it anything to do with being on the spectrum?

I wouldn't normally even try to influence anybody. For example with fellow musicians, it takes a lot for me to suggest a song for us to play together. I'd find it embarrassing if they said no, and if they said yes then I'd worry that they were only doing that to be polite, and I'd hate to think I was putting pressure on anybody or invading them in any way. I might give them a list of songs that I'd be into playing with them and just tell them to take a look and let me know if there's anything on there that they'd like to try out. It saves a lot of embarrassment.

I'm slightly better at being invitational, or letting people know that if they'd like to do a particular thing then that would be good. But I have to pitch that kind of thing very carefully and make sure that they understand there's no pressure.

If it's a business encounter or an interaction with an authority figure, then provided I know my rights, I just might apply a bit of pressure if it's important to get a desired result.

Also when living with others or when in a close relationship, it's hard to avoid having to "put my foot down" sometimes, or they could make my life a misery. And then I can find them remarkably intransigent, and I can feel very uncomfortable if it starts to look like I'm throwing my weight around. My wife used to turn the gas rings up to full whenever she was cooking, which would really annoy me as it was wasting gas, making the house hot and stuffy, and burning the saucepans. My gut reaction would be to shout at her and tell her she was a bloody fool....I never stooped that low but I found it hard to make my objections known without conveying some annoyance, and even that would make me feel I was somehow doing wrong. I usually preferred to just turn the pans down myself. In other similar circumstances I've been known to render the offending act impossible as nonchalantly as possible. One partner told me that I had a strangely powerful way of applying what she called "quiet strength."

I have a very hard time, with that.

You mean like haggle the price down? I've never seen a need to do that.
I don't do the convincing. I guess because I know if a guy likes me he'd make the first move. I don't even care about the rule, I'm just not one to show someone that I liked them, well, besides hanging around them.

I'm not convinced it is purely a spectral thing, but I have it. I will MAYBE if I feel really strong suggest something. I will MAYBE if encouraged offer supporting data. But that is it.

I also resent and resist someone who tries to persuade me. Bought my first car from a GREAT salesman - one who recognized that he should lay losw unless and until I asked a question. The dealer I visited befored him tried to sell me, and I walked out.

And I cannot and will not haggle. Quote mde a price - I will payh it or walk.

I don't understand haggling at all. I don't have that inner knowledge that I deserve something for lower than the marked price. I assume people who do it have some inner voice that tells they that they deserve a discount, and a belief that voice is telling the truth. I can't relate to that at all, I have thought about it many times, where that kind of ability and confidence comes from. I feel like a wh*re asking someone to do something like that. Isn't that weird, I know it's a strong word but it is such a dirty feeling trying to manipulate. That is just me, i am not slamming anyone else, but it is such a foreign way to interact for me.

I don't really try to influence people to do stuff either. I used to think this stuff was about confidence and assertiveness, now I don't. I feel really violated when someone tries to get me to do something I don't want to do, or won't take no for an answer. So I don't want to treat anyone else this way. I think it's a sensitivity thing and maybe because aspies can be targets of obnoxious over-powering people (because of passive body language?) maybe it brings more sensitivity and a desire not to participate in those behaviors.

I have a hard time with that.

i don't seem to have a problem with that but maybe because i am a girl and i am very petite. people don't tend to give someone short and small and a bit weird like me a hard time

That's not knowledge. That's the result of growing up ignorant and spoiled.

Anyway, I do have this issue--my whole life. It's what lets me be a doormat. It happens a lot at work. It used to happen a lot at school. I can never get up the courage or confidence to tell somebody to do something; I either ask them or bring it up as an idea... because it is an idea. But people tell me to do stuff all the time, and they make it sound like it's necessary when it isn't. I guess that's the attitude that I have: nothing is necessary (excluding processes for cause-and-effect things). My overall outlook on life, I believe, affects my laid-back quality and hesitation with things.

It has nothing to do with being on the spectrum.

Haggling is cultural. In some cultures it is the expected norm. In other cultures, it is something you just don't do. So how good you are at it will be more based on what culture you grew up in.

And convincing somebody of the opposite sex to like you? Do you mean like you romantically (as opposed to merely thinking "that's an ok person")? There is really nobody who has that perfected. Even people who think they have some sort of rock solid plan that will win over anyone are wrong. I once met a man who bragged about how no woman could resist him. When he turned his sights on me, I resisted him on principle.

I don't think it's the result of growing up ignorant and spoiled. I think it's the result of growing up in a culture where there is no such thing as "market price". There is the "price" that is written on the item and you are supposed to haggle. It's part of the buying process. I learned this in Turkey (I'm American.) I wanted to buy a bowl and opened my purse and was about to pay the marked price. The (Turkish) friend who was taking me shopping grabbed my arm before I could open my wallet and said "that's not how you do it, let me show you" and proceeded to haggle. I ultimately paid less than the marked price, as was supposed to happen.

I suppose that somebody who was used to that system would look pretty annoying if they came to the U.S. and started trying to haggle in Walmart. It has probably already happened several times. It doesn't work in Walmart or any American stoire. It's just a different shopping system.

Last edited by Janissy on 20 Mar 2010, 4:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I tried haggling once, when I was younger, for a shirt at the store that was arguably overpriced for the quality and material. I did such a poor job that my mother stepped in and took over.