SENSORY wise - how are you affected, to me a life time of. ?

Post Reply New Topic

Sensory wise my short version:

From when born not quite connecting, not understanding and being treated text book style has to have an impact long term, as even sensory wise can make us unsettled, at times I feel a misunderstood disconnect.

As a young child I was seen as a loner, difficult, pushed into many situations that were uncomfortable to me and so I withdraw more behind my own screen into my own world of make believe, self protection, to my parents and others I was just the difficult one.

As a school child I entered that huge empty echoing place, with so much noise I could not hear, I could not focus, I dare look others may laugh. What the other children enjoyed and talked about made me feel more of an alien.

As a teenager by then of course I had endured years of bullying, being misunderstood, dismissed, put down and let down, others talked around or at me, never to me, spat, pushed, laughed at me, like a dirty rag, so yes I was angry at times, often very lonely and extremely sad with the world, frustrated and felt not heard. I did not hit out, but took on broad all the pain and hurt inside, I think the painting "the silent scream" best describes the intensity, life at times unbearable, but somehow I did survive.... See more

As an adult I had been beaten down, given up on in a way and so just pretended to be happy, others took advantage, I just learned to wear that mask extremely well, but behind it often a deep sadness not only I could not relate, no one seem to like me, life itself never quite worked, society continued to let me down, so my world within this world my safe place.

As an aspergian a breath of fresh air, like for the very first time in my life I could breath, allow myself to be myself, understand why I am, still having to deal with the after mart of living most of my life confused. So now I reach out to those still living In the shadows of life itself and I so hope no one else has to see the world as I had to for as long as I did. That’s what needs to change.

Longer version and more : http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=c ... Itemid=110

I am unable to concentrate in a noisy room or in busy group activities. I need to be in a quiet room and have solitiude in order to learn effectively.

I have difficulties being around anyone who is eating or drinking UNLESS there is a lot of background noise. Yes, I need more sound, not less. Quiet eating or drinking sounds cause me an instant burst of rage - almost like getting an electric shock in the anger centre of the brain. This is not particularly common with ASDs, although a few people here have similar reactions. It appears to be an inherited neurological condition, although there has been very little research into this unusual sensory sensitivity condition. I also have the more typical Aspie reaction to loud noises (passing trucks, loud squeaky noises, etc), at least in a mild form, and I prefer to leave my fluorescent lights off at work (too much glare).

My special sound sensitivity is triggered in minor ways everyday - several times a day: at home, on the train, at work, watching TV or movies (not that I watch much). I am used to "white knuckling" my way through many events: cringing quietly, tensing my fists, digging my fingernails into my skin (not drawing blood, though!) Often my reaction is mild - an brief aggravation or a twinge, rather than a drawn-out "screaming inside the head" silent rage (that happens occasionally). But it is a bit like getting small electric shocks several times a day every day - it is briefly disruptive and distracting and annoying, but soon over. As slurping is one of my worst trigger sounds (Aaaaargh!), I don't look forward to the idea of "let's all go out and have a coffee together", which my boss tries every now and again. That is about as inviting as "let's all go out and stick pins into ourselves"!

I cannot change it (I have had it for 40 years and other people have tried all sorts of treatments for this condition without much success) and so I am sort of used to it. I take what steps I can to avoid unpleasant situations, I endure those I cannot avoid (trying to be inconspicuous while I feel like I am being tortured), and I simply accept that this is the cost of me being me. I really am wired differently. It hasn't seriously prevented me from doing anything, but it colours my life everyday. Some people with this condition have greater problems than I do - so I am grateful ... and sad for those who cannot cope.

I can't really concentrate on conversations in noisy places, what the other person is saying sounds like the adults on Charlie Brown "blah blah blah blahdeeblahh". And I'm like "WHAT SAY THAT AGAIN". I don't like watching telly when people are talking or doing things because I can't tell what people are saying on the screen, I can hear them talking but I'm not making anything out of it. It's like being deaf to speech sometimes, very strange.
I'm not bothered by loud noise and I LOVE parties and similar events, I never get overloaded. But it's the little sounds that are annoying. If my sister is sitting next to me eating a banana I'm like "GO AWAY, SIT OVER THERE THAT SOUND IS DIGUSTING!" (she's a loud eater and the sounds she makes are just eew).
Singing annoys me to, which my mum doesn't seem to realise and no matter how much I shout she never stops that constant singing.

I have an acute sense of smell, I'm like an animal sometimes lol because I'm like "it smells like *sucha person* in here/I can smell *place*" this is my stimmy sense because I like sniffing things, when I'm in a candle shop I have to sniff every scented thing in there, no questions asked.

I have a strong sense of touch as well so I'm picky with clothes. This is also a stimmy sense because I'm quite tactile, I have to touch everything. In shops it's not enough to just look at things I need to feel them as well.

I don't like the bright sun so I tend to look at the floor on bright days and not up towards the light. I HATE humidity and being too hot, cars in summer are a nightmare.

I actually didn't feel overheated when I was a child. I'd wear my winter uniform in summer. I got made fun of a lot by doing that. I even recall once running outside at sunrise on a winter morning in a t-shirt and shorts.

Then I became a teenager and my body got more sensitive to heat. As an adult I can overheat in minutes, especially if I've had a hot drink or food. Sure, hot food and drinks are supposed to heat you up but they make me sweat and feel ill. I need to turn the fan on. I'm now sensitive to the cold too.

I used to find it hard to concentrate on my school work in a noisy classroom. One time in a course I had to leave the room I was so overwhelmed by sound. I hate the sound of people chewing, especially my mum who doesn't know how much chewing with your mouth closed can make it less noisy. She also talks while she eats which is just about as annoying as a fly buzzing around my face.
Really soft sounds can irritate me too like a clock ticking or a tap dripping. Lately I can hear far away sounds as though they're happening right next to me.
City noises are overwhelming. I have to listen to my ipod with noise restriction earphones to block out the sounds.

Certain material does make me itch and feel uncomfortable. I've had to stop wearing stockings, scarves and tight cardigans. I don't like putting too much cream on. It feels gross. I remember when I was about three I had to put on some thick brown cream for my eczema and it was heavy, smelly and just uncomfortable.
I do like some tactile sensations like smooth and wet surfaces. Wet clothes that I have to hang out I like the feel of. I also like rough surfaces when my senses aren't extremely sensitive.

I have a pretty sharp sense of smell. I walked into a shop recently and the sweet scent hurt my head, not a headache - just a in and out pounding on my head. Incense and cleaning products can make me sneeze, gag and have stomach aches. I once went into a new age shop and my whole head was spinning objects in the room were moving around.

The worst is light. I need to wear my reading glasses almost everywhere because in well lit room my eyes sting and I'll often get headaches. Then when the digital TV is turned on it can give me instant headaches if I haven't got the glasses on. Even with the glasses on the sun is too bright.
The lights I can't stand is fluorescent and strobe lights. Guaranteed I'm going to stress out and have a meltdown quickly.
Luckily, my light is my room is low power and in the mornings I even have it off unless I want to do some serious reading.

my worst sensory problems are to do with vision and smell and touch.

when i drive along a road which is lined with trees, and the sun is shining behind the trees, i become disgruntled when the shadows of the trees are rapidly intermittent as they fall on my eyes.
i am not epileptic, but i become progressively more and more enraged at the on-off-on-off-on- off-on-off-on-off-on-off-on- off-on-off-on-off-on-off-on- off-on-off-on-off-on-off-on- off-on-off 'ness of it all.
my mind rapidly adapts to a change in lighting, so it continously adapts rapidly to each on-off phase in the light strength.
i think a normal person would see it as an average if their mind was not able to adapt rapidly to each "on-off" at the tempo it happens in.
like if an average person was to see a video clip at 15 frames per second where the frames were white black white black etc, they would see a stable gray.
but i see that sequence of whit /black as a mind shaking oscillation that makes me very annoyed.

so to drive along a tree lined street at 80kph when the sun is at a certain angle is extremely irritating to me and i can not think of anything else other than i hope the trees end or i can turn in a different direction where the sun is not shining in the direction where the trees cast shadows across the road.

i am not sure why i become angry at the sun, but i do.

i am sure the sun is frightened that i am angry at it(joke).

i see a purple haze around street lights, and it bothers me because it looks like my eyes are cloudy and i rub my eyes to get rid of the purple haze, but it dies not work. i always see in very sharp focus during the day, and when i get this haze around street lights i feel that my eyes are not clear and i rub them severely to no effect. i must put up with it which is the sensory issue.

---------------------------
i smell all sorts of things when i breathe through my nose. i always breathe through my nose because i do not want to miss smelling toxic things where i know i should hold my breath.

but the downside is i can smell things that are disgusting almost everywhere i go.
today i went to an office and i parked in a carpark, and when i got out i smelled the vague hint of vomit somewhere, so i held my breath until i got inside the building.

when i finally let myself breathe, i smelled some food that i knew was on the breath of the receptionist and i was forced to turn around and breathe again once and hold my breath.
i do not know from what odd aspect of my being that i was repulsed, but it happened that way.

inside the building it was ok.

--------------

i have no hair on my arms or legs (hormonal deficiency i guess(i did not fully go through puberty)) and when specks of dust fall on me, they tickle me extremely if i am wearing shorts or short sleeves. if i am in a dusty room, i can feel millions of prickles on my skin and i must get out of there as soon as possible.

i wear long pants and long sleeves when i go out now because i can tolerate specks hitting my face or hands, but my arms are more sensitive, and my legs are acutely sensitive.

if a fly lands on my bare leg that i did not expect, then i will jump in a similar way to if i was jolted with a 200 volt burst.

whatever. i am not well tonight i can not post intelligently. my mind is thick with autism and i will go to bed now.

growing up my hearing has been oddly good was able to use it to guide me to sounds when i wanted to find where it was coming from, noses that are not related to a subject that iam dealing with like maby a video game tend to couse lots of distraction.

smelling i have always been pretty goood at and learnd how to manipulate if i wish to but i can also smell tasts and tast smells i wonder if any one else can do that, my sight is not perfect i have a stigmatism but have no problem making out shapes well or even colors just at certan distances words become harder to read.

as for sense of touch its probably avrage exept i have learnd i can feel how thickor thin the air is outside just by moving my arm slightly

oh and i have a habit of chewing on things and if iam not chewing on somthing like my shirt or a pencle then i get the craving to eat somthing even if im not hungry

The senses of some of my internal workings don't work, properly.