Help! Need advice from Parents and Spectrum

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So I got a family member with Asperger's. He is about 10 years old. Some of his meltdowns at school are getting really bad. Last time he was at my house, he went into meltdown. The one I witnessed, well, it seemed fake. Like he was making eye contact and seemed in total control. I do believe he had some anger and frustration that he wasn't sure how to release or express, but he like overacted with it, and it seemed very intentional. Like at one point, he calmed down. I put a special interest on tv. He was calm for a good half hour, and then his mother told him it was time to go, and he said he tricked us into thinking he was calm, but he wasn't calm, he's still in meltdown, and he wants revenge. Then he went back into the exact same things he was doing, no different, than before, and it all seemed very scripted. I'm starting to wonder if he's using his therapy and discussion about these meltdowns as a way to get out of trouble or if he just thinks it's expected of him or if this is attention seeking behavior. I'm not sure.

The other thing that was weird, when he was telling us (and not just me, but my friend and her son reported the same deal) about his meltdown at school, he was bragging. He said, "yeah the cop told me to calm down, and I was like [chuckle] listen bub, you don't tell me what to do."

These things do not strike me as autism meltdowns. So does anyone on here think it might be all autism and maybe I'm just not empathizing cause it's not like my autism? Or does anyone see another diagnosis that might be afoot? Or is this just a common issue with Aspergers when the kids know what they have? And does anyone have advice on how to handle it at this point?

He gets really agressive and wants to beat people up. Some people think he's not just talking and he's going to lash out at some point. I do think hormones play into it. I don't know if at school they are real meltdowns. I think you can tell by looking in the eyes, but when I looked in his at the one he had here, he had control and allowed himself to not practice it. When I had aggressive tantrums like that growing up, I was in control enough not to hurt people, and I truly had a desire to not hurt people. When people got hurt, it was by accident. But I remember feeling like I was losing my mind because I had nothing to throw or to hit, and I was just so angry I didn't know what to do with it, but anyone paying attention would have noticed a lot of a frantic not sure what to do nature behind the rage. This kid knew what he was going to do about it and wanted to do it. That does not sound like someone out of control. That's what scares me at this point. Being out of control and hurting someone by accident, no that's not as scary as someone who is in total control and desires and is trying to implement that desire to hurt someone. I'm not sure where to go now, but I know this is not a good time for error. PLEASE give me some advice or opinion... PLEASE. If I'm quiet too long with my family, they will do whatever comes to them because they feel the urgency is more an issue than hitting the nail on the head.

Oh, and I should point out, he started Prozac 2 weeks prior to this incident, and he wasn't taking it regularly. He skipped a few doses. Supposedly, it's a super low dose of Prozac.

THANK YOU!! !! !! !! !

My initial thoughts are that the behavior sounds completely manipulative. A meltdown is not generally something that can be turned off and on like a switch. At 10 (actually much younger even), a child is very capable of manipulation, with or without AS. But what seems to be the most important piece of the story is the new meds along with the skipped doses. Low dose or not, these drugs are quite powerful and different people can have very different reactions to them. Add to that the fact that they were not being taken properly and the behavior you describe could possibly be the result. The first thing I would do would be to call the doctor and tell him/her exactly how the child behaved. Maybe it's got nothing to do with the meds, but I would think it's necessary to check it out first. Beyond that, co-morbids are a possibility, but it's important to get a correct diagnosis which, if done correctly, should take some time and multiple professional opinions. Good Luck!

Hey, just because autistics have meltdowns doesn't mean they can't have normal, manipulative-style tantrums too. This sounds like a case of a kid who's doing exactly that. He may even be deliberately letting the tantrum escalate into a meltdown because he knows he gets what he wants when that happens. Meltdowns shouldn't be handled by letting the kid get what he wants, just because they started as tantrums. That's reinforcing a behavior that's unpleasant for the kid and for you--it's bad enough that he's got meltdowns; now they're "rewarding" them? No... You don't punish meltdowns; he can't help them; but you also don't reward them, or it'll be harder for the kid to learn how to predict and prevent them. Treat them almost like seizures, in a way.

I know another little autistic kid who deliberately curses in class when he's overloaded because he knows it gets him sent to the principal's office. His parents report he has no way to get out of class--i.e., no permission to go somewhere and calm down when overloaded, not even a bean bag in the back of the classroom--and most likely he has manufactured this way to get out of class himself. I think it's rather smart of him, personally, but sad that he had to resort to cursing before somebody figured out that class was stressing him out too much.

It's possible to keep some control during a meltdown. I usually do, nowadays, which is why I never hurt anybody or run into the road, and why I can often still think enough to get someplace private. As a kid, I didn't; definitely not as a ten-year-old; but maybe this kid does. Some people are faster at picking that kind of thing up than other people.

It sounds like me when I was a kid, only, no one ever told me I was in meltdown or having a meltdown, so when I got like that, I didn't know it was a meltdown. When I got like that, the only thing they could do was wait for it to pass. It could last a few hours, then I would be completely exhausted and I would fall asleep. I didn't know I could manipulate people with it. It just "happened". usually after spending all day at school. Other times, I had them on Sunday because my mom was always in a bad mood on Sunday anyway, since she had to teach the next day. She slept all day Sunday and stayed awake all night typing stuff and the tap-tap-taps were so loud in my ears, so was that dinging noise her typewriter made when she started a new line. This would cause me to get upset.



It sounds like what kids say to other kids, they brag and try to look larger than life. Someone might want to have a talk with him about that and explain to him that cops are serious business.


To me it sounds like a mixture of Autism and just knowing how to work people. He has a lot of information about his Autism, and he's using it to get his way. It's not uncommon for kids to be like that, since they are learning how to get what they need in life by dealing with the people closest to them.


I never tried to beat anyone up or tried to get other people to do it. I've always thought violence is disgusting and wondered why people need it instead of words. Maybe it's because I'm female. If he is going down a violent path, someone should definitely intervene. Now.

Maybe Prozac is a factor. Tell his pediatrician or GP about it.

There is no way someone would deliberately send themselves into a meltdown; they are horrible. It does sound like tantrums though.

Thank you everyone for the responses. I'm not sure what to do at this point at all. I do think I need to vent, and I hope y'all don't mind. I just feel so cornered right now...

My sister admitted him into a hospital. I'm guessing he'll be there for a week. I've known this place to be used for people who are suicidal, have drug addictions, and things of that nature. I don't think it's designed for autism at all. I'm not sure if it will help him or not. My friend took her son there recently, and she said they weren't much help beyond giving out meds. When I asked my sister to give me the favor and call me and let me know what meds they are considering before administering them so I can research it and give her the 411 on it, she freaked out like I was adding stress to her. I really think she could have Borderline Personality Disorder, but that would still be no excuse for not monitoring his Prozac intake for the last month and then admitting him to a hospital in hopes they can provide a magic pill, give him the magic pill every day when he "needs" it all because she's too freaking lazy and selfish to deal with his autism. It's never about him, but about her, and he having autism is too stressful for her to handle, even though if she would have removed her head from her butt years ago and got on the wrong planet, took him to the autistic clinic a couple hours away, and researched a little on the subject, years ago when I asked her to, we probably wouldn't be in this situation, but she couldn't do all that then, and she can't do that now, and she refuses to just hand him over to me or my mother (we both are very willing) because "what would people think?"

And the school system? Yeah, they are SOOO not equipped for autism. My sister had him in one school, and they decided their special ed program wasn't equipped for autism and couldn't handle the meltdowns, so they sent him to another school. This school promises it, probably for the IDEA funds because it's the rich kid public school and God forbid the school not have the funding to keep up, but it is so not for it. His teacher hates math and science, so she just hands out worksheets and lets them use the calculator. She is very unorganized and has very little classroom management. The meltdown at that school... earlier that day he argued with another kid over a bean bag chair. Now if the special ed teacher was doing her job, she could have intervened before that argument escalated into his first meltdown of the day. But no, the kids are left to fend for themselves. Then, the principal has to mock him in the way he talks... "I don't want to hear, 'I hate this school I hate you..." saying it like a little kid real insulting like, and not just once, but the principal felt compelled to repeat it for minutes upon end which resulted in the meltdown where he first decked the principal and then hit the cop. Mind you, that day, this principal took part of the morning off for court because he's being sued by a teacher for making inappropriate comments. The jerk should have taken the whole day off for that because obviously he wasn't in a good patient mood for these special ed students he promises he can handle. And, he's a two faced punk on top of it. I talked to him for about an hour that day, and everything I said, he twisted the words to make it sound bad or crazy and put that on my nephew's file, but to my face, he acted like he was on my side and was incredibly friendly. One teacher who no longer works at that school told me that when she approached him about a special ed student talking about things this child needs, the principal's response was, "That child just needs a swift kick in the ass." The one school in this area that is really good with autism, their class is full now.

The autism clinic I mentioned earlier which would be 2 hours away, they only see up to age 9, and my nephew is now 10, and I'm not even sure they still exist because it's with a university and they still have a website up for it, but when you call, nobody knows what you are talking about. Great huh? I don't know where else to suggest to his mother to take him, and I'm not sure if she would even follow my advice cause she hasn't thus far, and the more time that passes with doing all the wrong things, the worse this is getting, and now it's beyond my scope. And because he seems to enjoy violence when in "meltdown," I'm really worried about his future.

And, the doctor you guys ask me to consult... the guy that prescribed him the prozac was his pediatrician. We can't get to a Shrink who can prescribe meds until sometime this month, an appointment that was made months ago, which my sister can't remember when or where she wrote it down, and I bet she hasn't called yet and he's missed that appointment. Maybe that's why she admitted him because then he can be seen by a pill shrink immediately. Her and my mother are both determined to medicate this child like there is no other option out there, and they are both determined to use SSRI's as opposed to something more for anti-anxiety, which I believe if you think he needs medicated, instead of anti-depressants, he needs something to calm him. I'm sure they got lots of pills like zanex (however you spell it) out there designed for kids because they got everything else imaginable out there. But because I don't think these new "meltdowns" are actually meltdowns, I don't think a pill is going to solve the problem but make it worse. But anyway, both my mom and my sister are determined to NOT research anything on the subject of medication and just blindly try pills one by one. I think they are messing him up too much, and I really think a lot of his behavior is attention seeking behavior, and he wants it from his mother, nobody else. Since she won't stop being selfish enough to handle that, there is no cure, no remedy, no thing to help control symptoms, nothing. It's starting to make me think he might have some BPD going on as well becuase i've noticed the manipulation as well as a huge fear of abandoment forming, and if people are giving him meds, that just might start a nice little addiction drug abuse.

If anyone was so kind to read this whole thing, I would so appreciate your opinion. I'm too emotionally attached to this to be reasonable or rational, and I could really use an opinion from the outside. You can agree that I'm in wonderland and these people make less sense than the mad hatter, or you can agree that I'm in wonderland and I make less sense than the mad hatter.

Thank you

Nonsense there are people willing to suffer silly things for what they want.(by silly i mean pain and torture much too strong to pay for what they want)

BPD can be "activated" by SSRI's. Get him off the prozac immediately if he is "developing" BPD markers such as mood swings, attachment anxiety, or rages. It can also be marked by depression in the mornings and mania in the afternoons (which could lead to his "you can't tell me what to do" remarks).

Get him off the prozac. Have the mother implement a strict schedule and consequences for his actions. Make sure he is in a positive environment at school.

He could vry well be experiencing an autistic "meltdown" coupled with a BPD mania which is causing the manipulation concurrent with the meltdown. It is entirely possible that his actions are not intentional but part of his neurological functioning.

Jeez, talk about a cry for help. I feel so bad for this kid. IMO, the LAST thing he needs is to be admitted to a hospital and removed from family. I totally agree with getting him off the meds immediately. It's possible, even likely, that the meds are making matters far worse. That's not to say that he may need different meds eventually, but now they're just treating what may simply be a med reaction with more meds. Sounds like a slippery slope towards dependance that could be entirely avoidable. Unfortunately, it sounds like your hands are tied since your not the mom, but just keep on advocating for him. Show him love and stay in his corner, especially considering his fear of abandonment - which sadly sounds like a founded fear. He's just a kid and he needs guidance. Don't let him fall through the cracks. Good Luck!