Profound Ambivalence

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I've got a big problem and I've had it for more than fifty years which I don't change for the better.

I'm rxtremely ambivalent about getting involved with people, befriending them or having anything to do with them. After severe bullying since I was in third grade I haven't trusted most people. I divide the world of people into those pathetic souls and cowards who bullied me with delight and those normal, common folk who saw what was happening to me and did nothing to protect me. I trust only two people on earth: my best friend, a woman I've known and lived with college, and her daughter.

I can't bear to get too close to people vis a vis friendships or collaborative relationships but I can't bear to get too far away e. That's why I'm calm with my friend and her daughter and tense with everyone else.

Thus, in order to achieve some semblance of balance in my life I'm almost constantly sizing up my position with respect to people and moving away from them or toward them so that I'm never too far away yet never too close. All of this juggling of proximity to others is extremely exhausting yet I still don't know to do.

Has any other Aspie experienced a similar conundrum with respect to people and how have you successfully addressed it,

hi there RichardP, i wish i could help you out in this regard. i was bullied as a young 'un also, and there were folk who could have helped but didn't. where you and i differ is that you were able to connect with 2 other humans [your best friend and her daughter] whereas i was not so fortunate as you in this regard, i just degenerated into being a hermit because i knew i could trust me and that in my own friendly company i knew i would not be hurt. this is how i cope, if you want to consider that a form of coping.

take care
bruce